Friday, August 24, 2012

Snake Is A Five Letter Word

So is cobra. But biting one to death is still stupid.

Farmer bites cobra to death in Nepal

A Nepali farmer who was bitten by a cobra in his rice paddy field has killed the snake by repeatedly biting it in return.

"A snake charmer told me that if a snake bites you, bite it until it is dead and nothing will happen to you," Mohammed Salmodin told the BBC. 
He has now been discharged from hospital where he was being treated for the snake bite.
"When I realised that a snake had bit me, I went home to get a torch and saw that it was a cobra. So I bit it to death," he told BBC Nepali's Bikram Niraula in Biratnagar. 
After he bit the snake to death, Mr Salmodin said that he went about his daily business as if nothing had happened. He says he finally agreed to go to hospital after pressure from family, neighbours and police.
However, guidelines issued by the UK's National Health Service say: 
  • Remain calm
  • Try to remember the snake's shape, size and colour
  • Keep the bitten part of your body as still as possible to prevent the venom spreading
  • Remove any jewellery or watches from the bitten limb as it may swell
  • Do not attempt to remove any clothing, such as trousers
  • Seek immediate medical attention

I think the NHS should update its list to include:

  • Bite it back until it is dead.
  • Go on about your business.

I'm sure advice like this could help the NHS cut costs enormously. If Obamacare starts issuing guidelines like this, we will know we have finally reached the zenith in multi-cultural acceptance and, in doing so, have expunged our white oppressor heritage that xenophobically insisted on science being the objective standard by which we sought to understand the world around us.

Unless, of course, PETA has a strong lobby.


  1. Wow.

    And, I guess I am fooing myself re Nigella, b/c this cobra guy also embraces tactility, yet he doesn't induce the same reaction in me.

    He does induce my respect. What a badass.

    1. He's a dumbass badass, that's for damn sure.