Sunday, April 28, 2013

What's up, Doc?

This is my church.

It's a lovely day and I'm going riding.

Have a great Sunday!!!

Oh...and if you've a mind to, the final stadium jumping phase of the Rolex Kentucky Three-Day Event is live streaming here. Yesterday's cross country is available in segmented videos at the USEF Network website as well.

Kick on!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Bill Maher continues to astonish me.

In the very recent past, Mr. Maher stated that he was jealous of the dictatorship in China because they could get things done and didn't have to answer to the demands of the stupid people, which, according to Maher is virtually anyone who doesn't see things his way.  He even suggested that Obama, our own poor darling struggling with the entanglements and inefficiencies of a constitutional republic, should just "drag them to it." You know, the stupid people. That would be you, kittens.

So how, Mr. Maher, do you suppose one might "drag" others to anything without a fair amount of force? Once you advocated for the powers of a dictatorship and its concomitant violence to gain your way, you are no longer believable when you wear your shocked face at a government that does just that. You don't get to get to look at what happened in Watertown during the apprehension of the second bombing suspect and say, "It's ridiculous. It's outa control."

Of course it's out of control. Power always goes out of control.

How did our government GET out of control? And under whom is it out of control? The sitting president of the United States is Mr. Peace Prize who stated categorically that he wanted a police force that was as big and powerful and well-funded as the entire US military. Well, you didn't even blink. You elected him. You armed him. You egged him on. You wanted him to "drag" people to your way of thinking.You wanted him to act more like a dictator.

So now he's using this force the way he wants to and it's not the way you think he should. Tough. The guy with the guns gets to decide who to shoot, stupid.

Remember, Mr. Maher, when the reality of a police state is fully implemented, you wanted this. You asked for it.

You just thought you could ride the lovely, heady, intoxicating power to smash and/or "drag" all the stupid people to your way of thinking. Turns out the stupid person here is you.

Friday, April 26, 2013

26 Reasons Kids Are Pretty Much Just Tiny Drunk Adults

Found over at BuzzFeed

Here are the best ones, IMHO. Feel free to weigh in with your favorites.

3. They conduct themselves poorly in public.

8. They have absolutely no coordination.

22. They draw on others' faces when they pass out.

25. Things go wrong around them for no apparent reason.

Number 8 and number 25 made me laugh hysterically for probably about 2 minutes straight because they reminded me of an incident that happened years ago when my kids were little. A friend of mine had twins the same age as my daughter and so they often played together. I'm sure these two little boys have since both grown up to be perfectly delightful and entirely normal young men, but at 2 they were both so clumsy and uncoordinated that they scared the living crap out of me whenever they came over.

Our home was a two-story and my daughter's room was at the top of the stairs. This meant that, no matter HOW I tried to anticipate and bring every possible toy or game downstairs for them to play with, there was always something or some reason that they felt necessitated they go up those stairs.

Which meant they had to come down the stairs.

While my daughter at two was like a little monkey and dashed around the house, racing up and down the stairs without a care, these two little Neanderthals would lug themselves up the stairs like it was Mount Everest and they were the only sherpas for an entire expedition, which -- while funny -- was not particularly dangerous. It was the descent that was horrifying. Every time.

As they seemed psychologically incapable of going anywhere without the other, they would always descend the staircase together. Within just the first few top steps, one would invariably hit the hall, bouncing off and into his brother, and the careening would begin like bumper cars in a narrow aisle. Rarely did either of them actually fall. They seemed to use each other to collide into as they rocketed down the steps, yet the possibility of tumbling was never more than one step away. Even at two, these boys were stout and built low to the ground; if I had tried to throw my body in the way to slow the avalanche, they would have just taken me out.

One evening their mom had stayed to chat and the kids had sneaked upstairs. I wasn't aware that they were upstairs until I looked from the dining room and saw Bill at the top of the stairs. Justin, the other twin, mysteriously wasn't with him. The absence of the necessary twin must have caused Bill to suffer from vertigo because he took a few steps, stopped, and began to sway as he stared down the staircase. I arose immediately and indicated to their mother that we needed to grab Bill from the stairs, but before anyone could react, he threw out his hands like a blind man looking for something solid, and then just did a full-length face plant down the stairs. He stuck so hard, he didn't even slide. He just lay there, face down, head and shoulders pointed down the stairs.

Even as the screaming started, it was perfectly obvious that he wasn't really hurt. But his  mother never really accepted that as my defense for laughing so hard.

We weren't really close after that.

Give it up.

There comes a time when you need to update your look.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Perhaps honesty is not always the best policy.

"What difference at this point does it make?"

As I typed that headline, I considered typing it all in CAPS to convey the level of impassioned outrage displayed by our beloved Secretary of State Clinton as she railed against the indecency of a Senate committee actually questioning her decisions concerning Benghazi.

How DARE anyone question her? Besides, none of that mattered since we had four dead Americans!

Why ask why?


Now, it would seem that their suspicions were not unfounded.

The 46-page report accused Clinton — a possible White House contender in 2016 — of seeking to cover up failures by the State Department that could have contributed to the attack last year that killed Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three other Americans.

The report, compiled by five House panels after a seven-month investigation, said Clinton approved reductions in security levels prior to the Sept. 11, 2012, attack, contradicting Clinton’s testimony before the House Foreign Affairs Committee on Jan. 23.
I'm sure Ms. Clinton just misspoke in the heaving passion of the moment. One can get important -- nay, vital -- information confused when one is beating one's chest and pounding the table in righteous fury. You try acting that outraged and keeping all the lies facts straight.

“Repeated requests for additional security were denied at the highest levels of the State Department,” it said. “For example, an April 2012 State Department cable bearing Secretary Hillary Clinton’s signature acknowledged then-Ambassador [Gene] Cretz’s formal request for additional security assets but ordered the withdrawal of security elements to proceed as planned.”

But Clinton insists that far too much crosses her desk for her to give a shit about any of it. Yes. That's her excuse.

Clinton testified that the more than 1 million cables that come to the State Department from the field every year are addressed to her and those that go out from Foggy Bottom bear her signature, regardless of who wrote them.
Democrats' best and most widely used response to their incompetency is always, "But I'm incompetent." And it always seems to work.

The report appears to be -- at least in part -- intended to protect Bubbling Boehner from conservative criticism over his overt efforts to bury the Benghazi scandal. Not surprisingly, it has infuriated Democrats.

Democrats slammed the report for “politicizing” the Benghazi attack; the ranking Democrats on the five committees that issued the report said Democrats had been excluded from the process that created it.

Oh boo hoo. If the Democrats had seriously desired to get to the truth, they've had seven months for just ONE of them to step up and demand an investigation. So they were left out -- finally? Doesn't appear they ever wanted to go to this party.

The independent audit faulted State for “systemic failures and leadership and management deficiencies at senior levels” leading up to the deadly attack.

But the audit’s investigators did not interview Clinton, and did not recommend that anyone be fired because it “did not find reasonable cause to determine that any individual U.S. government employee breached his or her duty.”

The GOP report said State changed talking points that Ambassador Susan Rice used on television five days after the attacks in order to “insulate” the department from criticism, not to protect the FBI’s investigation.

When stupidity, arrogance and corruption are the expected characteristics of government bureaucracies, then you can't be FIRED for utilizing them so brilliantly. In fact, you're typically promoted. In Obama's case, you're re-elected.

Working in the media is the only place where stupid earns you 5 figures.

From Small Dead Animals.

Yeah...just like a bomb went off. 

The best thing about liberal stupidity is that they NEVER catch themselves. When Nancy Pelosi said the 1st Amendment was about guns, she didn't correct herself. Oh no. When President Peace Prize pronounced corpsman wrong THREE TIMES in the same speech, he never blinked. Nerves of steel.  When Joe Biden told us he had a three letter for the problem with the economy, jobs - and then spelled it out - J. O. B. S. - and then repeated it, he kept a straight face.

They're good.  They're really good.


Okay...I corrected the title. I discovered that I had misspelled WHERE in the freaking title. I always seem to look my best when discussing matters of stupidity in others. I should really learn a lesson from this...but I won't. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

What happens in Vegas, stays...I mean, gets let out.

The esteemed Senator Harry Reid's home state has decided that it needs to reduce its overhead, apparently. What to do...what to do....I know!...Why not let out all the crazies? No? Not a good idea....HEY! How about if we let them out...and give them each a one-way ticket to another state?

GREAT idea!! Inspired!

And so they did.

San Francisco city attorney Dennis Herrera announced Monday that he is going to begin an investigation into Rawson Neal Psychiatric Hospital in Las Vegas, Nevada following accusations that the hospital has been providing patients with one-way Greyhound tickets to other states. The Sacramento Bee has run an investigative series into the hospital and claims that Rawson Neal has discharged around 1,500 patients this way, reports Yahoo News.

The Bee reports that many of the discharged patients were still mentally unfit and indigent. Around a third of them received tickets to locations in sunny California. Herrera said that sending the patients away with no structure ”to be received by family, medical facility, or other responsible person at the place of destination, and without adequate food or medication, the Nevada hospital placed the patients at risk.”

In one case, a man being treated in Rawson Neal was put on a bus to Sacramento with only three days worth of medication for his schizophrenia, depression and anxiety. The man said the doctor recommended the trip to California because the state has better health care than Nevada.

We're in good hands, kittens.

Chicken Justice

Ask for your money back.

Maybe you should have purchased "Dog Training for Utter Morons" instead.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Even a blind chicken gets a few acorns.

After all the ridiculously stupid things Maher has said over the last few years, he was due for an "acorn." The kernel of truth, if you will.

"You're wrong about that. And you're wrong about your facts. Now, obviously, most Muslim people are not terrorists. But ask most Muslim people in the world if you insult the Prophet, do you have what's coming to ya?" 
This is it in a nutshell, kittens. All other arguments, protestations, accusations of intolerance shown by other religions, past behavior, historical references -- all of it -- is quite simply bullshit. Islam does not require that every single practicing Muslim throw a bomb or slit a throat, but it DOES require that every single practicing Muslim BELIEVE that bomb throwing and throat slitting are right and proper according to the LAWS of their religion.

Point out the passages in the Bible where it says that a Christian should behead, maim, rape, pillage, terrorize or in any way harm someone for their faith or lack thereof.  I'll wait.

Oh...and while I'm waiting, does anyone else find it hysterically funny that the Director for the Center of Hate and Extremism is himself insinuating that we should hate -- with extremism -- Pamela Geller, author of the well known blog, Atlas Shrugs, by calling her an Islamophobe without even attempting to offer any context or facts for his accusation? Seems we are supposed to take him at his word.  

HAHAHAHA! Is irony always completely lost on liberals?

We are being taught to be cowards.

You've probably all heard the story about the 4th grade student who was made to write this:

It is not a stretch of the imagination to suppose that the little kid who was made to write this in class had no real idea what rights he was apparently willing to give up, or what their loss would mean to him or others.

What even a child of 9 or so could understand from this is that the appropriate response to a dangerous world is to be a coward.

If we don't fix things soon, our children will have been so conditioned to be cowards and to accept slavery that there will be no one to fight on against the left.

We are, as Reagan once, one generation away. We are that generation.

Without the 2nd Amendment, this joke doesn't make any sense.

And I'm not one to lightly give up a good joke.

Besides, of all the rights I've won as an American and a woman, the right to defend myself against someone who is almost certainly going to be bigger and stronger is the one right I refuse to give up.

I'll pay for my own birth control, thank you. And my own bullets.

On becoming communist...

We're there, folks. Did you see the brand spanking, shiny new armored vehicles and "police" with flak jackets and dreaded assault rifles on American city streets -- going after a single 19 year old boy?

Welcome to the party, pal.

But Joe Dan gets us to laugh about it. A little.

Oh, go on. Laugh 'til it hurts.

And check out his fancy new website. Cool.

To all my BFF's.

"Are we the baddies?"

A question liberals should begin asking themselves. But a little self-awareness and honest assessment of results, instead of just the fevered protestations of good intentions, would, I believe, create a fair amount of cognitive dissonance in our moral and intellectual betters. Poor dears.

However, it IS possible, kittens. Really. Why, it was even possible for SS Officers to come to terms with what was really going on, once upon a time.

One can immediately see their problem. When they finally acknowledge just how wrong they've been, they must do something about it or, going forward, shed their pretensions and posturings of moral superiority and admit their baser and less attractive motives. RUN AWAY!

For American liberals, such a moment is long overdue.

My question, though. Now that you've destroyed America, where do you plan on running?

Being right even when you're wrong.

Michael Moore is always right....errr...I mean, correct.

When the Boston bombing was so recent that people were still screaming and bleeding, the erudite Mr. Moore took to Twitter and managed to use his pudgy fingers to hammer out tweets about the OBVIOUSNESS of the blasts occurring on Tax Day and what that OBVIOUSLY meant. Duh.


For my money, 2 + 2 = a five letter word.

When it became OBVIOUS that the attack had been carried out by Muslims (but only because they were losers), the ever insightful, prescient and OBVIOUSLY wickedly funny Mr. Moore tweeted out how right correct he had been all along.


What may not be so OBVIOUS is that the incredible Mr. Moore can't even be original with his sarcasm. This joke was done beautifully by Cliff Clavin ages ago.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Freedom isn't free. And it isn't safe, either.

I won't win any friends for saying this, but I am ashamed of my country today. That we should be so quickly reduced to cowering in our homes, so happy to see armored trucks and SWAT Team-style para-military police squads roaming all over a town, so willing to comply meekly in the face of overwhelming force, is shocking to me. These are not the actions of a free people. This should not be response of a free state. It looks perilously close to a totalitarian police state, to me.

I see these scenes, and I think, "Kittens, we are being conditioned."

In watching the highly militarized police response to the Boston bombings and the massive manhunt for one piece of shit 19 year old boy, which has now effectively shut down an entire area, I cannot help but wonder if this is an instance of not letting a crisis go to waste, to use our dear Mr. Emanuel's famous phrase.

Only in America could this happen and we all still think we're the "Land of the Free."

Kittens, we are being conditioned.

While I fully understand the second-by-second potential for more death and bloodshed in an unstable and rapidly unfolding situation, I can't see scenes like these and not be sharply aware of the greater danger in a police force that could put together this kind of response over the escape of a single 19 year old kid, scared, on the run, his brother dead, his family far away. When did this kind of military style show of force become acceptable on the streets of our country? Did I miss something? Can someone fill me in on when, exactly, as a nation, we became so tremblingly, pee-our-pants-terrified that we sheepishly beg for this kind of massive fascistic over-the-top manhunt to find one stinking little shithead of a kid?

If they find him, will they really need all those bullets and all that protection?
Kittens, we are being conditioned.

Do tell, darling. Yes, we do "get it."
"You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it's an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before." - Rahm Emanuel (Emphasis totally mine.)

Kittens, we are being conditioned.

Conditioned to the idea that the police are the military and the military are the police, and that it's all hunky dory. Conditioned to the idea that only a MASSIVE response of government power is appropriate to track down one single 19 year old boy -- for everyone's safety, of course. Conditioned to the idea that this kind of scene is not just appropriate but welcomed and necessary. Conditioned to the idea that an ever more militarized police force is just what we need to be "safe."

But it's not what we need to remain free.

This kind of power will not stay within the boundary of responding to terrorism for long, in my humble opinion. It has very nearly burst those bounds as it is. The bombings in Boston, while horrific and deeply saddening, were the work of two loner brothers, one of whom is already dead, if not by the hail of police bullets, then by the car driven over him by his fleeing brother. If we accept this down-town Baghdad style response from our government as appropriate in America ever, mark my words, we will see this kind of force used in more and more incidences, slowly broadening the acceptable use of force for transgressions against the ever more virulent state.

Rachel Lucas asks the same question, albeit not with the fascistic inference I've given it, and she raises the highly salient point that: 

"certain journalists and leftist commentators are either (1) going silent over the fact that the confirmed suspects are in fact foreign and Muslim, rather than dirty little honky redneck tax-opposing homegrown domestic terrorist teabaggers like they were hoping for, and/or (2) saying now – and only now, after it turns out not to be a cracker teabagger – that it’d be unwise to rush to conclusions or to make assumptions based on demographic factors.

There is a reason for this, kittens. Yup. You guessed it. Conditioning.

As long as the media maintain the drumbeat that the right is inherently dangerous and that it is reasonable to immediately suspect them of just about anything, while simultaneously insisting that there is simply no way to know why anyone who is not a rabid, snarling right-winger would ever DO such a thing, the government can continue to increase its power and use of force without pushback from a frightened and polarized population that is not allowed to even openly discuss the possibility that Islam is a danger to society and should be severely restricted in a free country.

So if you refuse to take reasonable measures to ensure the security of the population, you will inevitably be allowed all manner of UNreasonable measures when all hell breaks loose and the citizens cry for safety.

I think our government wants that. Badly.

And we are giving it to them. And thanking them for it.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Beautiful things.

Because life isn't all politics. In fact, in a perfect world, life would almost never be about politics.

So enjoy the newest issue of Styling. Brew a cup of tea and sit down with a few madeleines to nibble. Previous issues can be drooled over at Coty's website.

Monday, April 8, 2013

I love where I live.

Actual police blotter entries in the local paper.


And brilliantly...

No. I do not live in South Park, but pretty damn close.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Obamacare may have an upside.

If physicians get so overloaded and fed up that they begin to prescribe this...

Magic in a bottle.

This is so racist I don't even know where to start.

Scientists may have finally discovered evidence of dark matter.

These are multiple images of a few distant galaxies, showing that the cluster is a strong gravitational lens. The relatively weak distortions of the many distant faint blue galaxies all over the image, however, indicates the existence of the dark matter ring. The computationally modeled dark matter ring spans about five million light years and has been digitally superimposed to the image in diffuse blue. Image credit: NASA, ESA, M. J. Jee and H. Ford et al. (Johns Hopkins Univ.)

"...researchers announced the first science results from the Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS), a $2 billion cosmic-ray particle detector mounted on the exterior of the football-field-size International Space Station. The instrument has observed a striking pattern of antimatter particles called positrons that may turn out to be a product of collisions between dark matter particles.

Though the findings are still uncertain, and the signal could also arise from a more mundane source, the data are, nonetheless, groundbreaking, experts said."

Collisions between dark matter particles? Is that not the most obvious dog whistle raaaaaaacist thing you've ever heard? Note how they ADMIT that the data could arise from a more mundane source, but they seem to PREFER that it be from dark matter. Obviously this is because these scientists are so racist they don't want it to be any other answer. They certainly seem delighted and eager to believe it is the dark matter's fault for all those collisions. What about disenfranchisement? What about lack of opportunity? What about failing school systems? What about the need for more gun control? What about Voter ID laws? What about unfair work requirements for welfare?

Just who are these racists, backwards, troglodytic "scientists" blowing that dog whistle, anyway? I bet they wear WHITE lab coats -- just like the KKK -- when they do their experiments on dark matter.  The hoods might pose a problem, though, when looking through microscopes and other science-y instruments, but I'm pretty sure the hoods were just an accessory item, in the first place. You don't need the full get-up to be a racist. You just need to be white. Or someone who uses the words "urban", or "Chicago." Or anyone who doesn't like our Beloved President. OOOOOOOOOH! RAAAAAACIST!

As Chris Matthews sums up, "A dog whistle is a dog whistle."


Like that --

The perfect circular argument.

There you have it.

And if that brilliant declaration wasn't sufficient to prove the silent but pervasive presence of dog whistles going off constantly all over America, this article is evidence of how insidious the effect of racism actually is in society. It's even infiltrated SCIENCE!.

Dark matter is an invisible substance thought to make up more than 80 percent of the matter in the universe. The elusive stuff is difficult to detect because it very rarely interacts with normal matter, except through its gravitational pull.

One of the leading explanations for dark matter is that it is made up of particles called WIMPs (weakly interacting massive particles), which may produce a detectable signature when they collide and annihilate each other. This happens because WIMPs are thought to be their own antimatter partner particles. When matter and antimatter meet, they destroy each other, so if two WIMPs were to make contact, they would obliterate one another.

Holy shit! How much more racist can you possibly get? This is obviously SUPER DEEP CODE for white flight to suburbs and gang murders and black-on-black violence in inner cities. Calling them WIMPs is a bit cheeky, but if the scientists live in Denver, they needn't worry about any backlash.

Oh why oh why can't we just get past all this painful labeling and destructive racism? Why? 

It's just not possible. Because of this from Traction Control.

Racist pixel

Deep Space One. And so it has always been. And so it will always be.


Jeremy Irons eats Nanny Bloomberg for lunch. And also something he finds in his teeth.

Chew on that, stupid liberals.

One of the points Mr. Irons so eloquently makes as he thoughtfully ruminates on whatever he retrieved from his back molars, is that liberalism insults your intelligence. It is a philosophy based on the belief that most people just aren't that smart and need to be taken care of. With force, if necessary. Oh...and force is always necessary. Just ask any liberal. When was the last time a liberal looked for a solution to ANYTHING from anywhere other than the government -- nicely accompanied by the use of force? A law, a regulation, a ban, a tax...a jail sentence? As Mr. Irons points out, the government COULD just try to convince us, you know, like the evil corporate giants apparently do every day. So much power do corporations wield over our puny minds that we need a law or a regulation or a ban or a tax or a jail sentence to make us stop doing whatever they deliberately and easily program us to do. Why not use these supposedly highly successful marketing techniques that create, direct and virtually guarantee all kinds of behaviors, from buying a certain brand of soap to, well, perhaps using dental floss regularly? Okay...obviously they need better commercials for that last one...but oh well...

We could have some really interesting TV commercials, billboards, viral YouTube videos. Think of it. The government could rediscover its early and highly successful marketing techniques.

Remember? They used to be really good at it. Actually, they still are.

And while we're at it...public schooling must have sucked back then, too. What's with the little darling's countdown?


Oh...someone just hit the button, will you?

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

This is the caring face of liberalism.

Liberals have been disingenuously posturing as the champions of the children, the poor, the disadvantaged, and the helpless for decades. However, if you might be the potential victim of a crime, you needn't look for their concern. Apparently they used it all up deciding the lunch menu for the precious little darlings at school.

At a recent Town Hall meeting in Colorado, a concerned citizen brings up the question of defending himself against more than one attacker. With more and more limitations on the size of magazines allowed, the situation where the homeowner may need to reload to defend himself should raise serious questions about his right to self-defense. But no. Colorado Representative DeGette succinctly points out, "You'd probably be dead anyway."

Besides, she notes that the gentleman lives in Denver, so it's all good. The police will be there lickety-split to clean up the mess. I'm sure this gentleman feels better about his safety now. If he doesn't, it must be that he is a right-wing extremist with limited brain capacity and fantastical ideas of personal autonomy. You simply can't reason with those types.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013


Leo Terrell is an attorney.

He reminds us of that fact repeatedly because apparently it gives him carte blanche to comment on anything in the political arena, while, in sharp contrast, being...say...a pediatric neurosurgeon like Dr. Ben Carson means -- SHUT UP!

Leo is the wordsmith who put his hands over his ears in a attempt to win the argument during a recent appearance on Hannity. Apparently such behavior makes for good TV because he was back on Hannity last night.

But there is something besides the illuminating lunacy of the left going on here. Notice how quiet Mr. Innis quietly defends his quiet position throughout the theatrics. And comes off as losing.

No way, you say!


When one side is quietly acting like an adult, while the other side is having a temper tantrum, the temper tantrum always wins. Why? How can this be? Because the LoFo voters just hear passion...and feeling...and urgency...and they can just tell he cares.

And caring delivers the slam dunk, dance in the end zone, take it to the bank win, kittens. Every. Time.



We have turned the news into theater and carnivals with pretty girls and men with perfect hair and great ties, and we wonder why it's all become so theatrical and dizzyingly insane.

The news used to be intentionally boring because they were informing you - which used to be their job. Now they are entertaining you - different job.

When news is entertainment, the side with the greatest entertainment value wins.

We'd better start having some temper tantrums. And soon.

Monday, April 1, 2013

With Easter over, contemplating the idea of immortality and sin.

I know many religions teach that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and that He shed His blood to pay our debt. Heretical as this may be, I don't believe this is accurate. I believe Jesus died because we were too stupid to figure out what He was trying to teach us. One might say His choice of death was a bit theatrical, but for the times it was pretty normal. You have to admit being officially sentenced by a Roman governor and then executed would insure that the event would be recorded for history. Thousands of years later no one can question whether it happened or not. We've got Pontius Pilate and the Romans and the whole cast of characters involved and on record, so it happened...even though there were no pictures possible at the time. What good would it have done if Jesus had died and been resurrected just for His loyal followers? Who would have cared in 30 years...50? No one. He would have been forgotten. An official death was necessary to make His point...for all time.

Because we are just that stupid. We needed something over-the-top, miraculous, memorable to penetrate our thick skulls. Unfortunately for the Son of God, it was not a fun way to teach a very important lesson. It kinda sucked, actually. That's where His love for us came in. I would have said, "Are you joking? I have to do what for these retards? I've been showing them the truth for THREE YEARS...fishes and loaves, calming the waters, healings, Lazarus...and they just don't get it. Now I'm expected to do what???"

But that's why Jesus was the real deal. And I'm not.

Here is an interesting video of a orthopedic surgeon getting a glimpse of what Jesus was trying to tell us. We really should start paying attention. We're not getting any younger.

This might be true or completely made up, and I don't care, it's still funny and I'm posting it. UPDATED WITH CITATION!!

Besides, you all knew this wasn't a legit news source, anyway. So, just for the record, I hardly ever verify something if it's funny. Funny goes right through all the gates and straight to the blog.

So...either Australians have a great sense of humor. Or someone else does at their expense. Either way, I'll bet any Australian reading this will laugh their head off.

Because it's funny.

And just to make it even funnier, here is a list of questions and answers which purportedly were pulled off an actual tourism website.
Q: Does it ever get windy in  Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney  - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles.  Take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in  Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in  Australia  ? ( USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of  Europe.
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it.  Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in  Australia  ? ( USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into  Australia  ? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna  Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... 
Oh, forget it.  Sure, the  Vienna  Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in  Australia  ? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.  Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

So, if you're planning a trip to Australia and want to see hippos or play with nice snakes or go for a long walk along railroad tracks, bring water and come naked. Also, human urine, used to protect you against Drop Bears, is decidedly easier to get than dinosaur urine which is also known for its protective qualities. It's been documented.


Seems this is completely made up by a very funny writer named Zeke at FiveMinute.Net. When I received it in an email from a friend, I did some googling, but was unable to come up with a source for this. Luckily, I was contacted by Zeke at FiveMinute.Net and now you all can enjoy the rest of his very funny parodies. If you like science fiction, you'll especially love his stuff.