Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Official Barbeque Season

Well, it's here. The official barbeque season. To celebrate, here is the most amazing marinade for grilled shrimp EVAH! Trust me. No, really.

Spicy Grilled Shrimp

1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup olive oil
2 T oriental sesame oil
3 T Cajun seasoning mix (I use Cajun's Choice, but I'm sure any will do.)
2 T fresh lemon juice
1 T minced fresh ginger
1 tsp dry mustard
1 tsp hot pepper sauce (eg., Tabasco - is there any other kind?)
16 uncooked large shrimp, peeled, deveined, tails left on.

Whisk together first 8 ingredients in bowl large enough to contain shrimp. Add shrimp and stir to coat well. Let stand for 30 minutes. Longer means hotter!

While shrimp are marinating, soak wooden skewers in water, if using.

Prepare barbeque coals (medium-high heat). Remove shrimp from marinade and thread 3 to 4 onto each wooden skewer. If you're adventurous, just put them on the grill. I always lose a few this way, but my skill level at grilling is somewhere between "oh, it's just a second degree burn" and "call the Fire Marshall!" Grill until pink and cooked through, about 2 minutes per side.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Redundancy is What I Do

Redundancy is What I Do

I realize that it is redundant for me to link to the beautiful Memorial Day post by Rachel Lucas, as my only readers are from her blog so y'all have already seen it, but if even ONE other person reads my blog who would not have seen her fabulous post otherwise...then my work here is done.

When you are celebrating your Memorial Day tomorrow with friends and drinks and BBQ, remember why.

Why the Irish Drink

I was poking around on food sites last night, which is one of my all-time favorite things to do, when I came across this on Cooks Illustrated:

Here...let me zoom in for you...

Check out Irish Cuisine. Seven. SEVEN!

Only seven recipes for the entire country!??! Even freaking Great Britain has 22 recipes and NO ONE wants to eat their food.  Of course I had to click through and see what seven dishes the poor drunk Irish could muster. Stew. Stew. Short ribs, which might as well be stew. Soda bread. Soda bread. Soda bread. And coffee.

I laughed until I cried. Yeah...it doesn't take much...

I kept thinking that those aren't Leprechauns...they're just malnourished Irish. Like North Koreans only with rainbows.

What's for dinner, honey?

Stew. Bread. Coffee. Why do you ask?

I'll have another drink.

It's Too Early for This....

I've been up since the crack of Good-Lord-You-Can't-Be-Serious! dawn because of the stupid freaking cat who is evil and nocturnal, which for someone like me who loves her beauty sleep is pretty much the same thing. So, ever the busy bunny, I decide to change my user email on this blog from who I really am to who I pretend to be. All super secrety like, 'cause I'm a shy critter. It was a master plan hatched in the wee hours of the morning. Not a great time to hatch anything technical. I should have just stuck to figuring out how to murder the cat without my daughter knowing.

Hours later, I managed to get it done. However, "It" (and that is capitalized deliberately...) wiped out my Blogger profile and now I seem to be attached for life to Google +.  ARRRGGHH! I don't even flipping know how, what, or why Google + exists except to frustrate me.

So that's why I don't like Google...which reminds me of an old favorite...

UPDATE! (I know...like anyone cares!)

I have managed to dump Google + and regain my profile on Blogger. YIPPEE! Took me the better part of all day...but I DID IT! I was not to be defied. I lost two other blogs I was toying with though, which I now seem completely unable to access. Damn!

One was called DINNER IN, where I was going to post recipes, maybe even with those aerial photos all the food blogs have that look as if they were taken from a block and tackle setup over your range in the kitchen, and IN PLACE OF THERAPY, where I was going to hand out sage, free advice, like "You may not be paranoid.  Ever think of that?"

Now all that is gone.

Saturday, May 26, 2012


Okay...he never really left, but for those of us who first discovered Bill Whittle through his essays on his blog, Eject! Eject! Eject!, his later work never seemed quite as personal or intimate.  Not saying he isn't doing great stuff at PJTV with his Afterburner videos, or Declaration Entertainment with his Firewall videos, but there was something unique about his voice in those early essays.

So the great news, kittens, is that Mr. Whittle is back at his blog...complete with ALL the early essays he wrote. If you didn't purchase his book, "Silent America", which was a compilation of these writings (which I did and you should have), now you have the inordinate pleasure of reading them....either for the first time or to rediscover them...and I am jealous.  I have Tribes memorized, I think.

YIPPEE!!!  Welcome back, Mr. Whittle.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Statistics in the glorious age of our Beloved Leader are freaking AWESOME!

Oh...wait...How did Winston Smith let this get out? That boy needs a new job.

Nutting would have us believe that the Democrats' stimulating "investment" in shovel ready jobs that were saved or created to unsuccessfully keep unemployment from soaring past 8.7% cost us next to nothing. That "investments" like Solyndra and LightSquared, while miserable failures that are now bankrupt, accounted for no more than rounding errors. That continuing Bush's expensive wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, while starting a new one in Libya, didn't add a dime to the budget.

Obama has been telling us since he took office that Bush wrecked the economy and that he HAD to spend buckets of money to save us all.  But according to Nutting, Obama must have decided to just wave his magic wand instead, because now Nutting's statistics show Obama ended up spending hardly any money at all. In fact, Beloved Leader is more of a pecuniary tightwad than even that ol' tightwad and master of the universe himself, Clinton the Wonderful.

Only in an election year do trillions of dollars become a teeny weeny hardly-worth-mentioning, what's-all-the-fuss about amount.

And you are a racist if you believe differently. Or if you watch this video.

Racist. Stupid racist.

Fonts Have Feelings Too

Maybe you'll remember that when you go after the stodgy yet reliable Times New Roman, or pick on poor Trajan Pro who must have a low stress threshold because he's always yelling.

WARNING: Strong language and humor. If you are easily offended or don't have a clue what a font is, or don't want to laugh, don't go there.

You can see why he's upset. This shit happens all the time.

...Some Kind Of Plastic Surgery

Undoubtedly that was my kid.

Actually, when my son was four years old and attending pre-school, the chilldren were "helped" with creating a Mother's Day card for each of their mothers.  The director of the school asked them questions and carefully (one might say anal-compulsively) wrote down their answers. My son was asked, "How old is your mother?" The written answer was "She is a very, very, very, very, very, very old woman." As sweetly as I could, all the while insisting that I simply LOVED the concept, I asked if it was entirely necessary to put down every single "very" that had fallen out of the little dauphin's mouth. The director, smirking, assured me it was entirely necessary.

Good thing I was younger than she was or I would have murdered her right there. No jury in the world would have convicted me.


(Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions)

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

The Truth is Right Wing

Thursday, May 24, 2012

You Need To Let Go, Man...

He's moved on.

The Youth are Stupid

Jonah Goldberg goes for the soft, unwrinkled jugular of the youthful, bone-head-dumb-ass-stupid voter.

Even as a stupid kid myself, I didn't think it was a good idea to let us vote. I knew how stupid we were.  Craig Ferguson explains it better than anyone.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Dead Men Tell No Tales

But they always vote straight ticket!

Gentlemen, get your shovels. We've got an election to win.

H/T: Moonbattery


This is fabulous.

Remember in 2008 when absolutely nothing was funny about Obama? Comics lamented the fact that he was just too cool...too messianic...

And now he's been spoofed in a Justin Bieber song.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Sorry if I don't help you up there, Prez...still laughing my ass off.

H/T: Chicks On The Right

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Taking It and Running!

Now that I'm a Democrat....

 But then I saw this and felt like crap.

If I had a Gun...

...I could make all my dreams come true.

More accurately, since I own several guns and my dreams remain obdurate and frustratingly distant, I should say, "If I was willing to USE my gun, I could make all my dreams come true."

And if I could be assured that no one could defend themselves against my desirous force, I would clean up. Rake it in. Gut the hog. Have it all.

It'd be easy.

I need to get elected for something, somewhere, because this is what government does...and I want in. I'd be stupid not to.

Liberals understand this. They REALLY understand this. It's the sly little secret that they all know; it's the shared glance around the table before the expected display of practiced moral outrage at your suggestion that their policies don't work or create corruption or destroy the very people they were intended to help.

"How DARE you? At least I care!" screams the liberal. Spittle, at this point, is de rigueur; often there is table-pounding, which is a nice touch.

And we are silenced.

Because we actually do care and it is hurtful to be accused of selfish and heartless intentions.

So screw it. I'm going to show just how much I care. I'm getting a gun.

However, as a law-abiding citizen, I can't just go get my OWN gun and start robbing people. I have to understand the game and play by the rules. It's a great game, too. All I have to do is vote Democrat. That's it. Put the gun in government's hand and they'll do the driving stealing for me.

Game over. I win.

And I want all the shiny things! Pay up, bitches. I'm a Democrat now.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Our Lips Are Sealed

And so are ALL of Obama's records.

From Nice Deb:

Who is Barack Obama? The world may never know.

In the meantime, I feel a song coming on...'cause we might as well dance as the world burns.


Call Me Maybe

Cute. They're Hah-vard men.

Cuter. The girls answer back.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Intersection

I've got nothing to add.

This just makes me laugh like a 12 year old.

Pleiadians are notoriously childish for thousands of years.

It's Sunday

After cleaning all day yesterday, I did a little decorating...spruced the place up a bit. Like it?


Today is going to be my day of rest. And chicken.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

I'll Have Another

...win, please.

And then we've got the first Triple Crown winner in 34 years.

Yeah, baby!
BALTIMORE — I’ll Have Another waited a little longer to catch Bodemeister in the stretch this time, and now that he’s done it twice in a row it’s time for a Triple Crown try in the Belmont Stakes in three weeks.
 With a breathtaking closing rush, the smooth-striding colt won the Preakness Stakes by a neck at Pimlico Race Course on a sunny Saturday, a dramatic finish that topped his win two weeks ago in the Kentucky Derby.
Just so everyone knows, I won't be betting on the Belmont. A single bet from me can change history. And not in a good way.

I'm staying out of this because I'll Have Another should have a fighting chance. He deserves it.

Word Problems Are Stupid

I never got word problems in math. I could do trig, calculus, but start asking me how long it would take for two trains to meet, with one going 80 miles per hour and having to travel X number of miles while the other was going X miles per hour and needed to travel 120 miles...my answer was always, "How the eff should I know? I never travel on trains."

As a Pleiadian, I travel by space ship and there's no point in asking how long it will take. The answer is always, "Less than one second."


My husband and I went to see "The Avengers" last night. For anyone who really knows me, this is a big deal; for my husband, it is historic. But who could stay away from a movie that everyone was talking about with kick-ass heroes and bad-ass bad guys? Not me. Well, yeah, usually me. But not this time.

The buildup was intense. Friends had seen it two and three times. Box office was well over a billion dollars. I was expecting big battles, big noises and BIG special effects. I was not disappointed. That’s certainly in there. I wasn’t expecting character development or even a plot, other than good guys vs bad guys and everything goes BOOM! I was wrong. That’s in there, too. If that were all that was in there, it would be a great takeoff of a "Transformer" movie. 

So I sat there in that darkened theater, watching the high action, laughing at the many humorous moments, and I realized I was feeling a curious, altogether out of place feeling for a movie theater. I was feeling PROUD. I don’t remember the last time I went to a movie and felt proud. It started me thinking about how heroes should be more than just the unfortunate schmucks who find themselves thrown into a bad situation and come out fighting; they should be the life-blood of a society, they should be its foundation for morality. The Greeks knew this. The Jews certainly did with their heroes in the Bible. In America, we once knew this. But we had forgotten.  

"The Avengers" is a movie that remembers.

"The Avengers" has real heroes. Damn it! Real heroes like we haven’t seen for decades. And, like the best classical heroes, they are simply the alter-egos of each one of us sitting there in the dark, watching, cheering, knowing--from somewhere deep in our souls--that the struggle, the frailty of personal failings and fatal flaws can be redeemed through a commitment to—dare I say it? Truth.

Real heroes teach us that redemption is not found through the attainment of perfection, but in the struggle for it. Not found in winning, but in the commitment to a truth that makes you fight in the first place.

Society needs real heroes because they show us this path to redemption. They show us that the belief in truth—objective, knowable, universal truth—is worth fighting for, worth dying for. And that what you are willing to die for defines, better than anything else, what you seek to live for. 

"The Avengers" is great because it isn't a movie about battles or super powers or even winning at all costs. It's a movie about the essential truths. It's a movie with real heroes.

And we all need real heroes. Because they show us the hero we can be. 

Now...gotta go. One of my universal truths (shared by my husband) is that the house should be cleaner(er).

There. I'm so proud.
Effing heroic, if you ask me.

Evolution Isn't Stupid

But it can be annoying as hell.

Political Correctness...

...for insects.

I Am Stupid

It took me an embarrassingly high number of seconds to get this. More than 10....

But the payoff was then I got to laugh 10 times as much; once at myself and once at the joke.

Friday, May 18, 2012

I Am 1/32,000th Pleiadian

You want to challenge me on it? Really?

I have the highest freaking cheekbones you've ever seen and an otherworldly beauty. My celestial heritage is part of the family "story", which is all the proof I need (along with the cheekbones and looks that would get me a drink in the Star Wars bar). Also I have this amazing recipe for "Out of This World Chili", which is seriously out of this world. So. Freaking. There.

Proof. Positive.

Here I am commuting. Screw the Volt.

It seems that in order to be in line for any privilege in today's color-blind, post-racial world, you'd better be just as colorful  and racial as you possibly can. So I'll see you your "half-black", Mr. President, or you your "Cherokee", Ms. Warren, and I'll raise you a "Pleiadian".

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Are You Positive You Want To Say That?

I think, to be absolutely SURE of one's safety, the best possible solution before anything is said would be to insure the woman is in her robe, eating chocolate, drinking red wine, and holding your paycheck. Even then, consider carefully if what you think is important enough to say is actually worth dying for.

Of course the exact opposite is true when women are fertile and looking for it. Then, a recent study shows, they want the 'bad boy'.  
"Previous research has shown in the week near ovulation women become attracted to sexy, rebellious and handsome men like George Clooney or James Bond," study researcher Kristina Durante, of The University of Texas at San Antonio, said in a statement. "But until now it was unclear why women would ever think it's wise to pursue long-term relationships with these kinds of men."
I'm going to go out on the limb of feminine intuition and disagree with the conclusions of the researchers on the reason behind this preference. They suggest it's because horny women are delusional.


Horny women are horny. And they are drawn to dynamic, self-confident men who are making the moves that will get them in bed. Quickly.

Plain. And. Simple.

Science is easy.

Where's My Highlighter?

H/T: Cyanide and Happiness @ Explosm.net


For a staunch conservative who believes everyone should have a job in order to give their life meaning, my animals are completely worthless.

This is Reggae. Fat. Worthless. Unrepentant.

What little he is asked to do can't even be called a vocation; it's more an avocation, because I think he actually considers it a hobby to spook, bolt and buck me off.

If things go south around here financially...or my French gets WAY better...he could end up on the menu.

I'm a Serial Killer

And I kill really cute things. We just brought home this year's FFA Lambkin to the farm. Cute as a button. His name is Clyde. His days of bouncing are numbered. It's a circle of life kind of thing.

Besides, I love grilled lamb.

But for now...there is bouncing.

Another Cup of Joe?

A new study has found that drinking coffee may be beneficial and even extend your life.
MILWAUKEE — One of life’s simple pleasures just got a little sweeter. After years of waffling research on coffee and health, even some fear that java might raise the risk of heart disease, a big study finds the opposite: Coffee drinkers are a little more likely to live longer. Regular or decaf doesn’t matter.
Regular or decaf doesn't matter, they found. It does in my house. Too much regular and someone is going to get murdered. That would definitely affect their lifespan.

Which Dream Will Be America's Dream?

Will we choose to abandon our history and align ourselves with Obama's dream for America? Or will we choose to renew our commitment to the dreams of our Founding Fathers? We will answer that question, as a nation, in just a few months. This movie may help people decide.

One Lump......or Two?

It would seem that more than a few of the new Representatives sent to Congress under the banner of the Tea Party and its platform for limited government and reduced spending actually prefer a LOT of sugar in their tea.

Free Republic has an excellent rundown on the traitors. Lots of links to important data.

I say we give them a couple of lumps. Right on the noggin. And then send them packing.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Clinton Must Be Proud

Seems the Oval Office is once again the Romper Room at the White House.

Cherokee Nation

"They took the whole Cherokee nation...
Put us on this reservation..."


Except for Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee ancestor, who appears to have lived among white people AS a white person for her entire life, despite having ridiculously high cheekbones.

All politicians lie. But I at least want to believe that they only started lying when they decided to become a politician in order to get elected. I do NOT want to find out that they have been lying their wholes lives to gain positions and privilege they did not deserve. Elizabeth Warren has had entirely too much practice at lying, in my opinion. The legacy of Ted Kennedy lives on.

Good job, Massachusetts. Carry on.

Womanhood DENIED

Great new video spoofing Obama's War On Women.

"Thank you, from the Bureau of Womanhood Conformity."

The Essential Difference

From Townhall

Worse....or Better?

New ad from the Obama Campaign.  How stupid does he think we are?  Pretty stupid.

No mention of his "greatest achievement," the Affordable Care Act, aka Obmamcare. Shouldn't that be touted as a major accomplishment instead of not touted at all? I mean, we've been hearing (ad nauseum) about his alpha male awesomeness in single-handedly killing Obama, with teeth bared, holding a knife, in full camo...

But I think the voters sort of see Captain Zero as more of an Invader Zim type, yearning for fearsome malevolence, yet also begging for acceptance and approval.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Texts From Your Dog

I'm still trying to figure out how he can text without opposable thumbs or the ability to point even ONE finger.

This is a smart dog.

And Obama didn't eat him. Yet.

H/T: Small Dead Animals



You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver

Switch Hitter

Apparently Obama isn't just our first half black, half white, half straight, half gay president.  He is also our first half Christian, half Muslim president. 
“Obama was steeped in Islam but knew nothing about Christianity,” Klein says.
Klein asked Wright if he converted Obama from being a Muslim into a Christian.
"He said, I don’t know about that. but I can tell you that I made it easy for him to come to an understanding of who Jesus Christ is and not feel that he was turning his back on his Islamic friends and his Islamic traditions and his understanding of Islam,” Klein says.
The second area was Obama’s political philosophy. Wright introduced Obama to Black Liberation theology.
According to Reverend Wright, Obama also attempted to bribe him to keep him quiet during the campaign in 2008. So it appears Reverend Wright didn't need to advise Obama on Chicago-style politics. Our bestest president evah had corruption down cold.

Since we've all known this for years, when do we get to say, "Told you so!" to a stupid liberal?

Monday, May 14, 2012

Gay? Does Michelle Know?

How about the kids?

Seems Newsweek has the inside scoop, and even gay he still has a halo. Nice. We don't want him to lose his divinity while expanding the horizons of his sexuality.

As for the rest of us, we always knew.

Was there ever any real doubt?

Alpha Male. Become One Today!

More fun! More adventure! The thrills! The spills!

This video is a tongue-in-cheek comparison between the beta male and the alpha male. When the chips are down, who would you rather have guarding your back? Woody Allen? Or John Wayne. Yeah..me, too.

I want the bulldog on my side.

Sunday, May 13, 2012


Okay...you've had your little break. You didn't think it would last all day, did you?



There are very few things in life over which I truly lust. You know...lust...where the imagination for what one desires is so luminous that even the most pleasant current circumstance can't fill the sense of emptiness, the NEED to have what isn't there.

De Gournay wallpaper is what I lust for...desperately. Lately I've been spending my days imaging the colors...the images of birds and butterflies and flowers flitting across my walls...how the light might play upon its muted hand-painted splendor. Unrequited, I must add, as it is about a bazillion dollars a roll for such beauty.



...and completely out of reach.

So I found this fabulous website which said I could do it myself. ah-HA! At last I could have my love. All it would take, as she coyly put it, was "some painting skills...but overconfidence can work too." Right up my alley! I am nothing if  not overconfident. Especially important as I have NO painting skills.

She went on to reassure me: "I am a big believer in mindset, and if you think you can do it you can.  Really!"


No, not really.

This is the gorgeous result of just a few hours and some paint.
If you're talented.
Overconfidence will not produce this.
Trust me.

The project was then nicely laid out -- step by step -- with pictures which instructed me to free hand the trees.  FREE HAND?  I know I have been going on about lust and all, but seriously? Free hand?

There had to be another way.


Yeah, baby! All I need to do is pick fabulous paint colors and start dabbing. Free hand my ass.

Wish me luck.

If the result isn't absolutely horrifying, resulting in a divorce or something, I will post pictures of my artistic endeavor. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Now THAT is Cool

Cool-headed. Damn. 

And he just takes a picture as it flies off in pieces.



Ask and Ye Shall Receive

....beg and you're going to get a fistful.

Liberals really are stupid. They always demand more government. In fact, everything they believe in and everything they desire REQUIRES more government because their feel-good, everybody-wins, life-should-be-fair, I-deserve-whatever-I-want bullcrap can only be achieved through the use of force. And government is force. Plain and simple.

So government simply entices all the assholes to concede more and more power by promising all the goodies and toys and bright shiny objects the assholes could ever possibly want. But when it gets to a certain size, government becomes the biggest asshole in the room and it's game over. 'Cause the government has the guns. Remember that power thing I mentioned earlier?

Come on, even stupid liberals ought to have figured that out by now.  It ain't that hard.

Friday, May 11, 2012