Friday, March 28, 2014

"Guess what? You do the math."

Just as a disclaimer, I have never gotten this drunk. Ever. In my younger days, I was always the one nursing one drink all night. It's probably so funny to me precisely because I've never gotten this drunk. Hard to laugh at yourself when you've ever looked and sounded this stupid.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Everybody dance now.

This just needs a little more cowbell.

Shit no one cares about but me.

I realize I've been terribly remiss in not posting lately at all but honestly, I've been terribly busy. And then you reach a point (or at least I do) where you feel that you've been absent for so long that you need Something Big to post about or why bother? I mean, who really cares if you disappear forever? So you become even LESS able to post...vicious circle...

So I've been wrestling with long essay posts about RSPECT or Flight 370 or zombies or zombies on Flight 370 or disrespectful zombies on Flight know..important stuff...until my husband just called me from SoCal and told me he met Mitt and Ann Romney this evening!!!

HOLY SHIT!!! (I'm certain Mitt and Ann would frown on my uncouth enthusiasm...but JEEBUS!) Hubby said they are the nicest people you would ever want to meet and that they were just delightful. Of course it was around horses and not politics, so that's always a better environment than the bullshit that is politics. Who isn't having a good time around horses?

So that's it. I don't have anything else to offer. Just -- HUBBY MET THE ROMNEYS!!!!

Oh...and all you liberals who trashed these good people? FUCK YOU!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Stupid Tow Truck Driver

While remarkable intelligence needn't be a requirement for driving a tow truck, some level of foresight might be handy. You are, after all, dealing with very big objects that move.

This isn't rocket science, but it is a kind of science. Mass...force...motion...gravity...Fuck.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

When you combine stupid with pushy.

Clever that he attached the death certificate, just in case they might try to wiggle out of it. Obviously now they can do nothing but yield to his superior maneuvering.

I find it funny that he appears willing to threaten his potentially future employers, so desperate is he for a job, but is unwilling to rewrite the letter after misspelling attendended attended. Just how serious is he?

The total release.

The expression used for giving rein to a horse as he extends his neck out over a fence as he jumps it is the "release." You are supposed to "follow" with your "release"  in order to maintain the correct contact with the horse's mouth. Not properly following a horse's extension over a fence will get you screamed at faster that almost anything because it can seriously interfere with the horse's effort and quickly lead to a horse who is either dangerous over fences or won't jump at all. Every student has had an instructor scream at them, "GIVE!" if they are the slightest bit sticky in reaching forward to allow the horse full extension of his neck.

This poor rider seems to be a bit of an overachiever when corrected by her instructor.

Actually, it looks as if the reins broke, but I couldn't resist my little story.

All joking aside, one should NEVER EVER be pulling backward on the reins over a fence. The rider should be completely balanced and independent, so that they can throw the reins away entirely, if need be, and remain perfectly over the horse's center.

Uh oh.


I don't believe there is any way you can watch this and not just WANT ONE!

You can almost SMELL the sizzling goodness of BACON!

HAHAHAHA! I'm kidding...really I am.

Actually, I'm kidding about all of it. Owning them and eating them. Pigs, even pot-bellied pigs, do not stay itty bitty and hilariously cute for very long. They all grow into some level of "what the hell were you thinking?" as they get bigger than you imagined and begin crashing around your house as a pet until all your friends realize that you must be a complete idiot because you OWN A PIG!

When our daughter was in 8th grade she raised a pig for fair. It got big and smelly and frankly disgusting remarkably fast. By the time fair arrived I was counting both the days and the pennies she would make if she sold the damn thing. As the end of the fair neared, with competition over and the euphoria of prizes fading, our daughter realized that this was "THE END." She started to become emotional about THE END until I calmly led her to an area in the hog barn where a local breeder had set up a sow and her piglets. The sow was the size of a FREAKING VOLKSWAGEN! I asked her where she thought something that size could live easily on our property and how she thought she might handle her. Our daughter looked at the enormity of that sow and dried her eyes. She gave me one long, resigned but committed look. "Shakira is bacon." And that was that.

But Hamlet is still adorable. Adorable bacon.

"....And then there's dressage, based on God knows what...!"

 "...And then there's dressage, based on God knows WHAT!" 

 Eventers say the same thing about dressage.

When you're stupid, but SUPER determined.

Stupidity can only get you so far, and then, to really close the deal, you need determination. Massive, awe-inspiring determination.

Posted: 3:35 a.m. Sunday, June 16, 2013 By Rick Couri

Man found decapitated, police suspect suicide


After a heading like that, you would expect a detailed story to explain the reasoning behind such a finding, but you would be wrong. Instead the entire story, I kid you not, is this:

Wife found the body of her husband

The incident happened near 46th and Sheridan.

Police say a woman who lives in the home found her husband dead in the garage.

His hands and feet were tied and the body had been decapitated.

Tulsa police told KRMG news the death was due to suicide.

Cops gave no other details at the time but continue to investigate the matter.

That's it. No other details. Just suicide. A really, really REALLY weird but incredibly determined suicide.

Monday, March 3, 2014

The world is rising for freedom...while we in America are sinking into tyranny.

In America we are still at the stage where many of us believe in the promises of goodies and free stuff and protection from a wholly benevolent government. Perhaps we might even be allowed to enjoy a few crumbs that fall from the table of power and privilege at which Obama and Michelle feed their dogs in diamond necklaces.

When they aren't on multi-million dollar vacations.

We still think it is possible to grant mere men unlimited power and money -- in our name -- and they will remember our name at all. We are still stupid and childish and naive and reckless and arrogant.

The citizens of Ukraine and Venezuela are no longer able to indulge in the luxuries of stupidity and arrogance. They are farther down the road of absolute government power, having followed their particular Pied Pipers for longer...but the destination is always the same. And we will arrive at the same place if we continue in the same direction.

Do not pray for peace. Pray for freedom.

Meanwhile, back in reality...

Your weekly brilliance from Joe Dan Gorman at Intellectual Froglegs.