Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Voting Strategy of the Erudite and Cultured Ladies of the Left

Kittens, it's time to come to grips with the painfully obvious fact that as conservatives you simply do not have what it takes to be considered sophisticated and intellectually proficient in Serious Matters. Particularly in Serious Matters of a Political Nature.

You simply are incapable of understanding the nuances and subtleties of liberal women who have spent all their time Caring. While you were studying engineering or math and actually competing equally with men, socially aware women were refining their sense of Outrage and Injustice in order to fully grasp the insidious evil of those who would insist that the equality we women have fought for since the suffrage movement should result in our actually behaving like adults. This must not stand.

I'm confused. It must have something to do with Kegel exercises.

We must not let them force us into the base conformity of nature and reality and adulthood. We must fight for our right to do whatever we wish with our bodies despite the consequences. This is true freedom. This is true justice.

And we must fight them with the kind of vulgar images and obscenity that lets them know they are dealing with real women. Women who speak up. Women who speak out. Women with amazingly talented body parts and incredibly strong and limber pelvic regions. You conservatives undoubtedly feel that this tactic of being sensational is cheap and ineffective, diminishing our stature and reducing our position to one of hysteria and one-dimensional messaging. You would be wrong.

This is a War on Women and the only battleground that matters is your uterus. So spread your legs and raise your....voice. Prove how Complex and Politically Astute you are by voting for a Single Issue that actually diminishes your independence because nothing says "I'm a big girl now" like insisting that the government take care of you and all your sexual choices.

I can't believe my sex is so stupid. Ending it all seems so appealing.


  1. I feel their pain. I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

  2. Do they have a special voting booth for that?

    1. hehe. That's my question. How.....?????

      I would love to peek behind THAT curtain.

      Actually...no....no, I really would not.

    2. Yeah, it is called a voting box. There are special joysticks you use to navigate to your candidate. Don't worry, the Gov't workers are paid to disinfect the booths after every vote.

      I read that three times before I stopped reading 'Virginia'...