Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Birth Control For EVERYONE!

Oh for God's sake, leave your damn clothes
on during the congressional hearings!

Today, August 1, Obamacare now requires that women's preventative healthcare be covered. 

Because it's not fair if any woman has to pay a DIME to f*&k around, even lovely and talented co-eds forking out over $40,000.00 for a year's tuition at Georgetown University.  I mean....come oooon! $40k is a lot of money. Did you also expect Miss Fluke to come up with any extra cash to pay for her own basic healthcare and entertainment needs? Are you kidding me?

Like many co-eds today, Miss Fluke enjoys a full and rich educational experience at one of our nation's finest universities, which encompasses more than just studies, and that costs money, kittens. From her own testimony, around $1,000.00 per year for healthcare/entertainment. That's some seriously FULL and RICH experience. But, as parents, we want our children to gain life experience at college, not just hit the books. Right? We want them to grow up and learn to be adults. Right? What better way than to have the government pick up all the costs of their playing house?


Of course.

Here's the list of vitally necessary healthcare services now completely covered by the Obamacare's FREEEEE! And you worry about semantics? What are you, a conservative? Why do you care anyhow? You don't have sex. Shut up. Racist....I mean...misogynist. What the're undoubtedly both. Just shut up. We're all too busying f*&king around to listen to you anyway.

  • Well-woman visits.
  • Gestational diabetes screening that helps protect pregnant women from one of the most serious pregnancy-related diseases.
  • Domestic and interpersonal violence screening and counseling.
  • FDA-approved contraceptive methods, and contraceptive education and counseling.
  • Breastfeeding support, supplies, and counseling.
  • HPV DNA testing, for women 30 or older.
  • Sexually transmitted infections counseling for sexually-active women.
  • HIV screening and counseling for sexually-active women.

#7! In America women need help breastfeeding. Do they need help in Botswana? Seems a
little embarrassing that we need counseling, support and SUPPLIES in this country.

But it's all just wonderful! I mean, all this time I thought women were fighting for RESPECT and it turns out they were fighting to be sluts. Respectable sluts, mind you. That's progress for you. And they were fighting for their basic right to be taken care of by the government. That's progress, too. Because we all know that decisions that involve self-denial or personal accountability are UNFAIR and deny people their RIGHTS. So now women are FREE to act any way they damn well want and the rest of us are free to pay for it, because it's not a mandate...or a penalty...or a tax...oh shut UP! I'm getting really tired of your bitching about the Constitution and all that ancient nonsense written by a bunch of old dead white guys. What did they know about women's health? See? Can't answer that, can you? Go away.

Anyway, now that's it all free...pool party at my house! YEAH!

Respectable slut Barbies exercising their rights.

And for you gentleman who can't get laid, even by sluts, Obama hasn't forgotten you. You can find your healthcare needs at Home Depot.

There's an entire tool section there, too.


  1. I can think of a few dozen crude comments. Instead of passing them on, I'll only write there are literally millions of people in this country that would have better served the human species if their parents had elected to practice birth control the night they were conceived.

    1. Don't hold back, Jess. Crude is allowed here, as long as it's also funny. HA!

      Good point. But I would wager that the difference of a buck for a condom and a free condom isn't going to make those really smart smart people do a single thing differently.

  2. What we can't at least get something in calfskin? Or maybe latex, more hygienic.

    1. No. It's free, remember? Think of the NHS and all it does for you. Ingrate.

      See what I did there? I have you to thank for that!

  3. Is number 7 a bra with a straw and one of those little devices they put in greeting cards? If so, I have a message for the recording:

    "Gee. It must be embarrassing to have such small tits."

    I know. That's harsh, but these days, too many women neglect to breast feed (ask Bloomberg)and this will encourage them to pull them out more often and give the kid a chance to latch on.

    1. As a woman and mother of two, I have an entirely different take. Do what you want, what suits your lifestyle so that you can handle all of your responsibilities, but whether you nurse your kids or not is a non-issue. MILLIONS of Americans were bottle fed. MILLIONS weren't. Who cares? But having to offer training in it? That's like having to offer training in getting laid.

      But I refuse to "encourage" it. Breastfeeding maybe natural, it may be healthy, but so is taking a dump and I do not want to see anyone ever do that. Period. I just think there are activities that should remain private, whether you think they are beautiful or not, keep it private. Please, for the love of God. If I see another cow-teated earth mother flop one out in an airport to feed the little brat, rather than pick herself up and head to the ladies room, I swear I will scream. What ever happened to a little personal modesty? Being discrete? It seems to me that one of the most defining aspects of civilization is the luxury of privacy. USE IT.

  4. I was raised by my step-mother. My mother, who was in the last stages of malignant melanoma, died within months of my birth.

    I never breast fed, and considering the decade I was born, the formula was probably different than what's found today. The consequences? None, unless you consider being generally healthy my entire life a negative consequence.

    1. Jess, I'm sorry to hear that you never knew your mother. That's just something that always seems tragic. Let me know if I'm "stepping in it" by saying that. I'm sure your stepmother was wonderful.

      As for being healthy, yup. Me, too. My mom bottle fed all three of us because that's what she chose to do. And all of us are/have been astonishingly healthy.

      So my point is, do it is you want to. Or don't. But get a room.

    2. IF. Do it IF you want to. I am the WORST at proofreading....

  5. The supplies are because all of us nursing mothers have to work full time to pay the taxes for our glorious "free" healthcare, so we have to have breast pumps and stuff without which we're in freaking pain if the kidlet hasn't nursed for six hours, and so we have something to give the kidlet by bottle when we're not there.

    Of course with no-one having jobs pretty soon, it should make the cost of nursing supplies go down.

    1. Actually as a mother of two who nursed both kids, I knew the supplies referred to were breast pumps, but STILL! To have to be counseled? The government is treating us more and more like children. Stupid, lazy children, and we are going right along with it. It's insulting.

      You're right, though. At the rate we're going, there won't be any jobs to interfere with motherhood. Starving and homeless might be a drag, though.

  6. Aw, c'mon. The breastfeeding bit is only included so granola-types who are not discerning as to the true nature of Our Dear Leader and his Backers will think the New World Order is green and friendly. They are busy chanting which is why they don't recall that ODL forgot to renew the whaling ban. And that the ODL's minions in California allowed all the little medical marijuana dispensaries to open - and just shut down hundreds of them in a sudden swoop of arbitrary "law enforcement." Only the cartels carry on, much to the mystification of High Times. Given the fact that this fascist administration totally backs corporations that the granolas abhor, like Monsanto, source of the GMO corn now put in infant formula, nothing natural or healthy will last long if things go on this way. Food allergies make breast milk unfit to drink, you'd do better with a nice nanny goat. Oh, wait! They're outlawing that too. Don't let them separate opposition on issues like breastfeeding. ODL and Backers would just as soon they were all aborted, ODL loves us and doesn't want any of us gals "punished" with a baby.

    1. Bwaaaahahaha! Right on all counts. I have nothing to add.

      And the cartels carry on well-armed, thanks to ODL.

      I do sometimes wonder how liberals and hippies can NOT be concerned by the open cronyism in ODL's admin. Didn't that used to be a bad thing?

      Oh, yes. Our Dear Leader loves us. He's going to love us to death if we're not careful.