Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Voter fraud IS voter suppression.

Brilliant point.

The Democrats' most vociferous and intransigent point concerning Voter Id laws is that they would serve to "suppress" the vote of the poor and the minorities. Put aside the uncomfortable reality that once that gauntlet of unassailable racism is thrown, there is never any explanation of HOW or WHY it actually suppresses the votes of anyone. Our Virtual President explains how it all actually works. And it's not the way the Democrats have told us it works.

Sunday, March 24, 2013


It's almost getting too warm for this dish, but Joan of Argghh! at Primordial Slack requested it, and so here it is, kittens.Whatever you do, DO NOT omit the Amaretto Cream Sauce. It's heaven.


Serves 4. Doubles easily.


1 tablespoon, melted
2 large eggs
1 ½ cups heavy cream
½ cup milk
½ cup packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon (If you like cinnamon, add extra)
3 cups 1/2-inch cubes day-old bread (I used croissants)
3 ounces white chocolate, chopped
¾ cup fresh or frozen cherries

Amaretto Cream Sauce:

1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/4 cup Amaretto liqueur
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1/4 cup granulated sugar


For the Bread Pudding: Preheat the oven to 350 degree F. Butter or spray with PAM a medium sized baking dish, approximately 7 by 11-inch. Whisk the eggs in a large bowl. Whisk in the cream, milk, brown sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. Add the bread, chocolate, and cherries and stir well, then mix in the melted butter. Let sit for 30 minutes so the bread will absorb the egg mixture.

Pour into the prepared dish. Bake until firm when pressed in the center, about 1 hour. Cool on a wire rack until just warm, about 20 minutes.

For the Amaretto Cream Sauce: In a small bowl, dissolve the cornstarch in the Amaretto and whisk until smooth.

In a medium saucepan, scald cream over medium heat. Add the Amaretto slurry to the hot cream and whisking constantly, bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and cook, whisking for 30 seconds. Remove from the heat and add the sugar. Whisk until dissolved. Let cool to room temperature before serving with the bread pudding.

Serve warm.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Pondering deep questions that are obvious to everyone but scientists looking for government grants.

Apparently there is "an obesity epidemic in this country that seems to be disproportionately affecting women of minority sexual orientation," which is a delicate way of saying most lesbians are overweight and scientists just can't figure out why. Of course, this pressing question must be delved into, regardless of budgetary issues or fiscal insolvency because...well...because. QUICK! Someone get these scientists some MONEY!

Three-quarters of lesbians in the U.S. are obese, according to details of a new study, which has been given a grant of $1.5million to find out why.

This needs to be studied why? Seriously? All of western civilization is rocketing over the cliff of fiscal insanity, and yet, the proclivity towards weight gain in women of minority sexual orientation is vitally important and must. be. studied. This is not like understanding the significance of the God Particle or deciphering the language found in our DNA. This is fretting over -- to the tune of $1.5 million dollars -- the reason why women who aren't interested in being attractive to men are disproportionately fat. Duh. Little secret....
When you aren't even interested in "the perfect guy,"
you can just dig in!

The research, which will also focus on why gay females have obesity issues and not gay males, is described as of 'high public-health significance'.

High public-health significance. To whom? Honestly, I think I should submit a proposal for a $2 million dollar study to learn why men watch porn. Pay me and I'll explain it all. There will be graphs. And charts. No pictures, though.

Men are significantly more visual than women. Therefore, now stay with me on this, kittens, either gender -- male or female -- interested in attracting visual males  -- will NECESSARILY be more concerned with looking attractive. This isn't hard, kittens.

Researchers said that there has been almost no work done on this social phenomenon.

No kidding. This is not a "phenomenon." Merriam-Webster defines phenomenon as:
c : a fact or event of scientific interest susceptible to scientific description and explanation 

Scientific interest? It is not even a curiosity. Here's another little fact that you can pay me for elucidating. Men are more motivated by the sex drive than women. Women are more interested in being emotionally connected to their partners. That's why  among homosexual men, being attractive and forming relationships around sex are primary motives. Among homosexual women, reading bad poetry and eating chocolate cake together are more engaging activities. This results in the infamous Lesbian Bed Death. Who can stay interested when your partner reads you this:


I'd like to make a YOU turn
Onto the highway that leads to
You being with me.
And once I get on that highway
I'll never look for an off ramp,
But I will slow down for the construction
Of a lasting relationship.
And I'll pay the tolls.
As long as those tolls aren't you telling me that
You don't love me the way I love you.
You, you, you, you,
I love you, and without you,
My soul would wilt like a flower in winter.
Water me.
Water me or I will die.
Shut up! Shut UP or I will die.

I need to get funding to do a study studying studies. Someone has to compile the data on just how much money can be pissed away by stupid "scientific" studies funded by politically motivated committees. Yeah. I could do that.

Tonight's dinner menu.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Adam Carolla is the coolest pirate ever. Part Two.

Evil but not-too-bright-sprite, Gavin Newsom
Our hero, Adam Carolla

In Part One we learned that our hero had an encounter with a nice-looking but evil and not-too-bright sprite from Never Never Judge Land. Our hero asked the evil sprite,  "Who is in charge?" since things in Never Never Judge Land are kind of crappy and all, despite the continued promises from the fairies and goblins and trolls that Lollipops and Candy Mountains are always just over the horizon. You know...FORWARD! and all that.

#1 Evil Guy promising the world.

The evil sprite said that the mess wasn't his fault because the magic spell to create the secret world of U-TOE-PEE-AHHHHH! and guarantee Happily-Ever-After had been mysteriously broken and no one knew how to put it together again. Just like Humpty Dumpty.  Breaking it, he explained, had been very, very complicated and involved many, many things that people like our hero could not understand so the sprites and fairies and goblins and trolls and ogres couldn't be blamed - no matter what - because they had spent a sh*t ton of Other People's Money trying to create U-TOE-PEE-AHHHH! to prove they really, really cared.

When our brave hero suggested that maybe the decided lack of Happily-Ever-After in Never Never Judge Land was precisely because of the monetary and social policies the sprite and his flunkies had promoted for decades, the evil and not-too-bright-sprite got huffy and said our hero was "over simplifying" things. Not-too-bright sprites never want you to realize that the solutions to problems are really quite straightforward and simple, otherwise you might understand that they aren't even trying to fix the problems. They are trying to get their magic wands to work so that they don't have to. 

But our hero pressed the issue and won the day! And the evil but not-too-bright sprite was left going, "But..but...but.." which isn't much of a magic spell and didn't work against our brave hero. 

Your stammering only makes me stronger.

Unfortunately many, many, many, many, many, many people were unhappy about this victory over the not-too-bright sprite because, if left to stand, it would force them all to admit that the spells and magic and fairy dust was a bunch of malarky and that the secret land of U-TOE-PEE-AHHHHH! which would guarantee Happily-Ever-After did not, in fact, exist. So the trolls in charge of the MSM (Making Sh*t Magic) pounced on our hero and said he was worse than the worst troll or ogre because, instead of just wanting to destroy people and eat their hearts out (while assuring them that you really cared), our hero wanted to make people FEEL BAD. And if you did that, then no one would EVER find U-TOE-PEE-AHHHHH! and Happily-Ever-After.

But just when all seemed lost for our hero because everyone was ganging up on him, he revealed that he had a pirate ship!! And off he sailed.


So now, in Part Two, we learn that after our hero sailed off into the sunset, shouting back his salty, piratey expletives to the not-too-bright sprite, he and his crew ran into The Giant Irish Guy who never lets anyone spin, which is a very good thing when you're in a ship. No one wants to run into one of these:

Our hero isn't worried because he always tells the truth.

So our hero explained to us all that you can't get to U-TOE-PEE-AHHHHH! and Happily-Ever-After if you never never judge anyone for anything, especially if you also reward them for doing stuff that will make them very, very UN-Happily-Ever-After. So Never Never Judge Land will never never create U-TOE-PEE-AHHHHH! and Happily-Ever-After no matter HOW much magic or money the sprites and fairies and goblins and trolls and ogres try to use.

Not. Ever.

Then our hero told us what really DOES make people happy. Besides good character, dedication, commitment to responsibilities and being accountable for your actions.

Hard Work.

Hard Work is powerful magic.

Now you know the secret to pirate magic. The evil but not-too-bright sprite and all his minions and all their political magic which gives them Other People's Money will never bring you U-TOE-PEE-AHHHHHH! and Happily-Ever-After. But it will bring you this:

Good luck with that, mateys.

As for me...Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

"...but you can cook the life out of them, if that makes you happy. Just, please, don't let me know."

Sunday morning cooking class. Fabio is fabulous. My only criticism is that I must like my steaks even more "alive" than he, because I don't finish mine in the oven. When they are seared in the pan, they are done.

And the salsa verde, while very good, is a bit too "green" for me. A lovely Sauce Bearnaise is the classic partner to steak.

Finish with a cherry and white chocolate bread pudding with an amaretto cream sauce and some nice cognac to sip.


Friday, March 8, 2013

And now, for a little light entertainment.

Sorry for not posting much lately. Honestly I've been incredibly busy. But mostly I'm just incredibly dumbstruck.

Just a "goat rodeo" as Mr. Whittle is fond of saying. Cracks me up.
President Peace Prize is threatening to cause American deaths over sequestration. It's as if the big bad mean Republicans are taking ONE candy lollipop from widdle poopkins while leaving the little darling IN the candy store, and he's throwing a temper tantrum. Am I missing something?

Bets that after all the chest pumping and fist pounding, not one slim dime is ever cut from the budgetless budget.

For how would we know, anyway? There hasn't been a budget since Obama was elected. Just recently he was assuring us that he had SAVED us over a TRILLION dollars. Okie dokie, Smokie.

"I would love a cup of tea. I need something to sip while watching the insanity."
"Yes, that's it!" said the Hatter with a sigh, "It's always tea time."

But apparently mere threats of death and despair and human sacrifice and dogs and cats living together were not sufficient to make President Peace Prize's point. So he has released thousands of serious criminals to the streets. Let's see how the little people like THEM apples! Maybe we'll learn our lesson and quit being so uppity. (Once upon a time that phrase was racist, but now that it can be applied to the ENTIRE COUNTRY, I think the code has been broken.)

I hear "release of criminal illegal aliens" and I think, "target practice." So bring it, asshole. The world needs a lot fewer bad guys and locking them away just keeps them from getting the killing they so desperately need.

All the while our very own Department of Justice is busily and carefully using the wrong words to explain very, very wrong actions as if they are right as rain.

I don't know about you, but just the fact that we must have conversations between a Senator and the highest law enforcement official in the country where they mull over the finer points of murdering Americans, you know, just working out the when and the how, is HORRIFYING. Why isn't everyone out in their front yards running around in circles and flapping their arms, screaming, "They're going to kill us aaaaaaaall!" Because if they didn't want the authority to kill us at their whim, they wouldn't be dancing around the issue like a finalist in Dancing with the Stars. Kudos to Senator Cruz for making Holder spin like a child's toy in an effort to NOT address the constitutionality of simply offing anyone they want because...THREAT!

Oh, and drones. Yeah. Way cool.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it the Left who insisted measures like the Patriot Act were unproductive, anti-American, and illegal, while the War on Terror was worthy of prosecution for war crimes when it was Bush and Cheney in office. Now President Peace Prize can take out anyone he wants, anywhere he wants for any reason he wants, and we're wrangling over whether it's constitutional or not. I'm no constitutional scholar like our esteemed president, so I must be missing subtle nuances hidden in the Constitution. I thought the document was pretty clearly written, with phrases like "shall not be infringed", but I'm simple like that.

I should just let super intellects like Danica Patrick convince me to stop worrying. I mean, if it's a good idea to let the government make all the decisions on when I should screw, it's just a tiny, baby step to letting the government screw me all by its lonesome.

Have I covered everything? Undoubtedly I've left out some of the madness. The room is swirling and my head hurts.

So about that light entertainment.

If you can get to the guinea pig and not bust out laughing, you're probably just more informed about the insanity than I. Sorry, kittens, but the truth hurts. And it's not that funny either.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I want to work at this company.

But I own my own company, and I'm not this funny.

Or artistically talented.

So oh well.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

How do you like my new hat?

I just picked it up the other day at the mall. The sales lady said it was the latest thing. I think it makes me look like Julie Newmar.

I'd like to raise a toast to the Illuminati. Keep fighting the good fight.

Pure brilliance. Awesome, stellar, diamond-hard brilliance.

H/T: Top Commenter, RG. Thanks, dude.

If this is his idea of a joke, it's getting old.


Obama has now on several occasions bemoaned the fact that he is not a dictator. Poor darling. I thought he would have figured out that the Constitution places serious limitations on the power of the President of the United States during the years he was posing as the President of the Harvard Law Review, or when he was posturing as the Brilliant Constitutional Professor. Didn't all that role-playing afford him some passing acquaintance with the basic setup of our government?

For someone who was going to make inanimate and admittedly large physical features of the planet obey his will, and rather than simply causing Lazarus to rise from the dead, was going to heal the entire planet, it does seem a little petty, even petulant, for him to now admit that he can't bend Bubbling Boehner to his demands.


Honestly, what kind of messianic majesty is he wielding if the spineless blubbering Republicans in one branch of government can handily thwart his unquestioned powers of diplomacy? Worst Messiah EVAH!

What does not appear to be thwarted are his ambitions. Even dictator may not be sufficient to bolster his trembling ego. He whines that he would like to be Emperor. Admittedly the title "Emperor" does historically come with better perks. He would get to wear the cool crown and robe that way. And the floor shows are awesome. Imagine watching all of Detroit burn to the ground. It's not good for much else anyway, might as well serve as His Majesty's entertainment.

Emperor Obama. It has a sort of dull, tin-pot ring to it, don't you think?

All joking aside, I find it chilling that a president of the United States would repeatedly decry the fact that he doesn't have more power. He never EVER concedes that working with the Republicans in true bipartisanship should be an option. His only answer to the breakdown of any negotiations with the very government he is supposed to be leading is that he doesn't have more power. Honestly - HOLY CRAP!

This isn't just arrogant. It isn't just intellectually rigid. It isn't just dishonest and manipulative. It is dangerous.

Someone who is always whining about not having more power really, really, REALLY wants more power. What he does not want, is not even interested in, is getting along with anyone who has different ideas.

And the left called Bush a psychopath.

Math is hard.

Rep. Maxine Waters gave this dire prediction about sequestration at a Thursday press conference: The United States would experience a loss of 170 million jobs, if Congress and the White House fail to strike an agreement.

Only thing is: The Bureau of Labor Statistics says there are only about 140 million jobs in the United States, as Breitbart reports.

Either she's lying or she's stupid. Take your pick. Okay, I'll give you a third option: All of the above.

I just want to know if Maxine can make change at the corner store with both shoes on.

Actually I blame Obama for this level of WTF stupidity.

When you have the leader of your own party making constant, outrageous threats and lying through his teeth every day with the most hilariously over-the-top predictions of cannibalism and meteor strikes because of sequestration, the people who get most worked up by the frantic atmosphere are the idiots who follow him with absolute devotion.

Once lying and threats become the standard of communication from your Dear Leader, who among the devoted Politburo will deny themselves the opportunity to get some of that attention?

Not Maxie, that's for sure.