Sunday, September 9, 2012

Because we haven't spent enough time worrying about Chris Matthews' sanity

It is Sunday morning and I believe we should all pray for Chris Matthews to be healed. Even better - let's just pray for him to shut up.


In watching this I am left to wonder if it is possible to script a more illustrative exchange of what crazy looks like (without a wink to the "broad" parody). Here we have an adoring, sycophantic commentator make the charming statement that one of the greatest womanizing misogynists of the current political landscape would know how to even f*&k Martians, if he landed on Mars. Even on Mars, kittens, Bill Clinton would know how to "do it with them. He would know how to reproduce." He's just that good.

For Democrats, this is humanizing. Screwing aliens.

How coyly amusing and utterly beguiling! Isn't that exactly what we want in a president? Someone who would "instinctively" know how to screw other life forms? Of course we do. If we were all as nuts as Chris Matthews. (For my part, I'm just relieved a Democrat might want to screw someone other than an American citizen for once.)

How much clearer can the contrast be between the Democratic party which embraces such a man of instinct and the Republicans who would refuse a woman her God-given state-sponsored right to screw that man right here on terra firma, saving him the trip to Mars? Who better to stand as a symbol against the Republicans' vicious and barbaric War on Women than a man who so supports a woman's right to choose "yes", that he never once allowed a woman to choose "no"? Because that would have been a blantant denial of her power and recognition as a woman. And Bill Clinton has always recognized women. When one considers that he even managed to find a way for Monica Lewinsky to express her feminine power before she received free birth control from the government, we can only admire his deep commitment to the rights of women.

Thank you, Mr. Matthews, for so eloquently reminding us all of Mr. Clinton's most impressive characteristic.

You crazy son of a bitch.


12 comments:

  1. I'm sure his sanity is safe enough. After all, Smith-Kline makes it by the ton.

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    1. That wouldn't be funny to anyone with a normal sense of humor. Fortunately I don't have a normal sense of humor. I found that HILARIOUS! Dark, twisted, creepy and gut-bustingly HILARIOUS!

      If the Democrats are thrown out of power, Smith-Kline will make HUGE profits. You must know Matthews and his ilk will jump off the ledge.

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    2. My sense of humor must be less normal than yours then, because it never it never occurred to me that any conservative wouldn't find that funny. It's just sooo perfect, plus the shock value when you first see it.

      Oh yes, the cursing and the weeping and wailing will be deafening.

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    3. It's just that it's so close to reality and the rest of us SHARE that reality with them. Or, more precisely, we share the consequences. So it's funny, but horrifying, too.

      But it is perfect. I clicked over again and just got the giggles. HO-LEE CRAP! "When the patient lashes out against "them"---

      If Obama loses, I'm buying stock in Smith-Kline.

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    4. None of that "if" stuff, when.

      Sarah Hoyt today:
      "More importantly, though, keep your mood up. This making up of polls is the last effort of a dying ideology. It’s ALL they have, and it’s transparent. Make fun of them. Make fun of their “belonging to the government.” Make fun of their “summer of recovery”; make fun of their wanting no choice in ANYTHING but abortion."

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    5. Oh, I totally agree with her assessment that there is no way Obama can win this. If you only ask one question you know he can't win, and that question is: "Who do you know who voted for someone else last time but is voting for Obama now?" NOT. A. SINGLE. SOUL. He is only shedding votes. Not gaining them. Period.

      But he cheats. Flagrantly. That's my only concern.

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  2. Completely OT. Just because I don't see why I should be the only one caught in this time trap.

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    1. That was very very VERY cool. I bookmarked it. That needs to be a post. Thumbs UP! RG.

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  3. What I find amusing is the fact Matthews rose to national prominence by bitterly castigating Clinton every night during the Lewinsky scandal. I'd love to slap that bag of goo down to the ground.

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    1. HAHAHAHAHA! Velociman, you don't need to waste your manly strength. I can take him. We'll save your smiting potential for O'Donnell or even Maddow, because even though they are bat-shit crazy, they both look more solid than Matthews and might have some fight in them.

      And thanks for stopping by! I LOVE your writing.

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  4. Germany. Doom. Rioting to be performed according to a strict timetable and only with state approved torches and pitchforks. :)

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    1. OMG! I bet they don't sing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" there! Just shut up with your singing and get those damned empties to the brewery! We've got a CRISIS here, people!

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