Wednesday, July 18, 2012

So Brilliant It's Not Even There!

This seems to be my day to go batshit crazy over stories about stoopid kids, stoopider teachers, and now super megawatt, ground-zero blast, don't-look-directly-at-it-or-you'll-go-blind stoopid!

The inestimable David Thompson brings us the pinnacle of artistic appreciation.  The contemplation of that which isn't.  Now don't be alarmed, kittens, if you don't understand it.  I gar-un-tee you are too stoopid to appreciate the inspiring, mind-numbing awesomeness, the soulful expression of the deeply intuitive and intellectually risky artists who bring us the challenging, cerebral exercise of contemplating "invisibility."

Ralph Rugoff, director of the Hayward Gallery, explains visual art:  Art is really about ideas. It’s not about looking at things.

Get that?  Art is NOT about looking at things.  (And all these centuries you thought art had something to do with actual perception, you dumbasses.)  So we are now to contemplate nothing in order to discover something.  Okie dokie.  My question: how do we know we're all looking at the same nothing?  I mean, I'm more than likely to be contemplating unicorns and puppies, because I like unicorns and puppies, and my ideas from such gutsy contemplation would probably be along the lines of "Isn't life marvelous? What would it be like to fly on the back of a unicorn while being covered in wet puppy kisses...but I would have to hold on very, very tightly to the puppy because I would hate to drop him from the freaking clouds! And what if it were to start to rain while we were flying up in the clouds?...I hope I am wearing long pants and not some gossamer angel toga thing because wet horse hair is gross and hard to stay on and would make my thighs scratchy...and that unicorn better have a nice long mane to grab..."

You can see how difficult it's going to be to discuss art among your friends now that we are released from the artificial boundaries of reality.

Reasonable response, considering.

Prior to his moving to the Hayward, we learn that Mr Rugoff “curated a survey of invisible art that included paintings rendered in evaporated water, a movie shot with a film-less camera, and a pedestal once occupied by Andy Warhol.” Such was the unspeakable daring of this invisible art venture, Mr Rugoff has seen fit to repeat it, daringly, at the Hayward. If the colossal cleverness of it all is too much to endure, art lovers may wish to extend the premise by not being visible either.

I am going to go around my house today and find all the marvelous art pieces I can to take to Christie's.  I have a chair that was once sat on by Paul Newman...actually an INVISIBLE Paul Newman.  In fact I think I took some pictures of him with a camera I didn't INVISIBLE camera I didn't have, for you rubes.

I'm going to be rich.


I just remembered my son's painting entitled, "Dad Drinking Beer In The Garage At Night," and completed at the tender age of four.  A visionary way ahead of his time, obviously.  I'm going to have to get that kid painting again.

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