Wednesday, February 24, 2016

The Revenge of the Stupid

For decades I have been convinced that half the country are stone cold morons, or liberals, as they prefer to describe themselves. But the other half, those who align with conservative values, allowed me to retain some glimmer of hope that this country would always manage to stagger on grandly under the constant onslaught of social engineering, politically-driven programs, and innumerable fancy-schmancy ideas on how to usher in Utopia without having to kill 25 million or so of our fellow citizens.

But now I'm casting a seriously horrified side eye at the majority of my fellow countrymen -- askance, I tell you! I'm looking askance! -- and wondering if there is any point in doing anything except drinking.

Hillary, have you had work done?
A little Botox...perhaps a brow lift?
When you have the Democrats running an incompetent old man who spent his youth writing porn, his middle years no doubt watching it instead of listening to Senate proceedings because he certainly wasn't doing anything useful, and now, in his aged and senile years, who wants to run the whorehouse...err...I mean WHITE House...against an incompetent old woman who spent her youth plotting her rise to power through her husband's "charm", tasted power with all the avarice of Gollum while First Lady (WE are the president!), attacked, covered-up and maligned women who had been abused by the aforementioned husband, then used her influence at the State Department to enrich herself to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars while managing to lose track of BILLIONS of dollars of taxpayer money, abandoning good men to their valiant death for a political calculation, all the while possibly exposing state secrets to the enemy on an unsecured server because she was more worried about Americans learning what she was up to than the Chinese or Russians, you have a hot mess, but one in which I would have expected to be enjoying myself immensely!

Because, at first glance, the lunacy of the Democrats would appear to be a perfect setup for an astonishing, historic, BIBLICAL trouncing by the Republicans this November. But au contraire, kittens. You would be wrong. Because in the very midst of delicious, hysterical Democrat Party Insanity, we've gone quite mad as well.

Mr. Donald Trump and his inexplicable candidacy are irrefutable proof that America, as a country, as an idea, as an experiment in self-government exploring the possibility that the average man isn't quite as average as history might have shown, is proving that no, no, the average man is really quite an unexceptional dumbass. As dumb as dumb can be. Worthlessly stupid. Painfully stupid. Stupid spelled any way you please.

So choose...which will it be?

And kiss America good bye.

In the meantime, there is still fun to be had on placing bets. Who wants to bet that in a Trump vs Clinton face off, we will be faced with voting for a guy up on fraud charges or a soulless harpy indicted for federal crimes? THAT would be fun!

Or in a Trump vs Sanders contest we could watch them fight over the poorly educated and those who don't care if people get shot. We already KNOW socialists don't give a shit about killing people who aren't on board with the Grand Plan, and now we have Trump bragging that his supporters don't give a shit either. So let's start shooting! It'll be fun!

But still...even with all the fun, may I politely submit my notepad? Now, I'm going to pour myself a drink.


  1. "who wants to run the whorehouse...err...I mean WHITE House."

    No, you got it right the first time :P

    But yeah, agreed, it seems waaaay to many people have gone full retard. Never go full retard..

    1. You know me. Full retard (or remard as Rachel used to tease me) is my specialty. But NOT when it comes to the future of like, everything! JEEEBUS! Could the stupid be confined to DIY projects and vacation choices? PLEEEEEASE!?!?!?

  2. All the hope's just been wrung out of me, and all the paths forward appear equally dark.

    1. Until Scalia's death, I was actually beginning to have fun imagining a Sanders presidency. Not as viciously evil as Hillary, not as duplicitous as The Donald, obviously incompetent but hopefully would serve as a rallying figure for the Republicans to FINALLY find a pair among the lot of them and push back against an admitted socialist. I mean, if you can't win against a socialist, then you really are worthless. But now that the Supreme Court hangs in the balance, all hope is gone and it is just a matter of which ring in Dante's Hell we descend to.

    2. Yeah, hate to lose a conservative justice. Even if they're appointed by a Republican you never know if they're really conservative or if they're going to "evolve" in office.