My New Year's Resolution

I realize I still have five days to come up with a better New Year's resolution, but what is the point of putting in any more effort when I won't be keeping it anyway? I mean, really...why bother?


This is perfect for me. I'm going with this.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY NEW YEAR

May your Christmas be filled with the light of His love

and may the coming year be filled with His miracles and blessings.

My Christmas List

I know it is rather late to be writing out my Christmas list, but it is exceedingly simple...and the same every year...so, honestly, should I even HAVE to write it down? I mean, how hard can it be after all these years?

WAIT!!! Maybe it is wise to write it down every single freaking Christmas. I definitely don't want any confusion and end up with elephant stuff instead.

He was a little sticky at the first vertical, but did you see how he rode through that triple combination? Perfect striding.

This is the fatal reality of my Christmas.

Unable to bow because of my back, I am now being crushed by Christmas.

I adore Invader Zim in all his mentally mangled insanity. I identity with so much of this crazy, dark little cartoon which only lasted a couple of seasons on Nickelodeon. I'm certain parents looked up from their paper, or book, or computer and went batshit over this twisted little character and his futile plans to take over the Earth. Either that, or their kids started having nightmares. It could happen.

But I have always been drawn to the hapless, over-faced villain. Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, the Martian with his eludium pu36 explosive space modulator, Wile E. Coyote, Plankton from Spongebob Squarepants, and tiny little Invader Zim with his Big BIG plans.

Despite the very real fact that I am being crushed by Christmas, you have to admit that is a catchy little tune and very easy to sing. I can sing this at the top of my lungs and still manage to sound WAAAAAAAY better than any attempt at O Holy Night. When I sing O Holy Night, I sound worse than this guy -- probably because I can't match the level of sincere fervor.

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for a Full Freezer

Bringing the Real

I found the link for this in a post by BenK at Ace of Spades HQ, and, like him, I hadn't seen it before now. This young man brings the REAL about gun control laws and political "courage."

Damn.

HT: The Conservative Post

Obama's Christmas Letter to America

I never got around to Christmas cards this year. To be honest, I haven't gotten around to Christmas cards for years now. Christmas cards, when they are needed, are merely an indication that you haven't talked with that person ALL YEAR! So what's up with that?

When I was younger, before the age of cell phones, SnapChat, emails and Skype, Christmas cards were one of the most important things you did. We would carefully write a letter to include with each one, describing -- in detail -- all the events and happenings in our family over the preceding 12 months. Now everyone lives in the present moment and events are broadcast on Facebook or Instagram while they are happening. Christmas cards are nothing more than a recap.

The problem with all this excuse-making is that I DEARLY LOVE receiving them. I realize that makes for a tiny contradiction in my logic. Maybe I just need to admit that I'm too damned lazy and that I feel terrible about it but I am obviously SOOOOO lazy that I will continue to do nothing about it. Feeling crappy about NOT doing something still leaves you with the reward of not having done that thing. Life is full of tradeoffs.

Anyway, our remarkable President Peevish found the time to write us all a Christmas letter...or holiday letter more likely. Is it racist or intolerant or homophobic to celebrate Christmas instead of just "the holidays?" I forget which it is. Maybe it's all three. Might want to ask Phil Robertson.

But, whether it's a Christmas letter or a holiday letter, it was lovely of him to take the time, don't you think? 

Wasn't that nice? Now I feel even worse.





H/T: Best of Cain

Flat-backing for weeks and no money to show for it.

As much as this pains me, and believe me, it does, I have reached the point where (a) I am acutely aware that I either need to write SOMETHING to explain my absence and quell the curiosity of my three loyal readers, or (b) simply stop blogging altogether and slip away into obscurity...you know...the place where I came from originally.

So, I'm writing. I know, y'all were crossing your fingers it was going to be (b), even as you were actually reading this post which clearly nullifies (b), but hope does spring eternal, as they say.

I haven't been blogging because just before Thanksgiving I threw out my back. And sitting in front of the computer long enough to write something -- and even more importantly -- to read enough political crap to have something interesting to write about is excruciating.

Years ago, when I was young and stupid,  I took a fall over a cross country fence. I was hopped up on adrenaline and so jumped back on and finished the course. Later that night my back started giving me trouble, but stadium was the next day and I hadn't scheduled an injury, so I ignored it. I made it through the competition with no real damage, it seemed. It's great to be young.

But years later, when I was in my thirties, I came off a cranky bitch of a mare who decided that Tuesday wasn't her day to be ridden...or was it Thursday? Whatever...she was pretty adamant that day wasn't good for her. I eventually ended up flat out in the arena while she did pirouettes and caprioles around me in sheer, spiteful joy. Never one to know when to quit, I caught her and got back on, riding her for another 45 minutes just to show her who was boss.

I won, but it cost me my back.

By the time I had untacked her and put her away, I could barely walk to my car. The injury to my back was in the same spot as the earlier one and I have always thought it "helped" make it all so much worse. I could not even move my right leg when I tried to climb behind the steering wheel. I was forced to drive home by using my left foot for both the accelerator and the brake, shoving my right leg out to the side over the gear shift. When I finally arrived in my driveway my husband was home (THANK GOD!) and I sat there, honking the horn, until he came out to investigate. He had to carry me into the house. And there I remained for two weeks, flat out on my back.

I eventually healed and went back to riding, swearing, and shoveling horse manure like nothing had happened, but every so often, if I am not RELIGIOUS about doing yoga and Pilates, my back will go out -- especially if I am sitting for long periods and/or doing hard physical labor. Or both.

This fall contained a heaping helping of both. It seemed for months I had been schizophrenically caught in a schedule that was either completely inactive in front of a computer or was suddenly and without respite demanding I work like an illegal immigrant on a California farm.

So one morning I merely reached out to pull my laptop onto my lap...and that was it. It was all over but the shouting. And, believe me, there was plenty of shouting. And screaming. And lots and lots of swearing. None of which made anything even slightly better.

However, eventually there were sweet, sweet little pills which were kick ass and utterly necessary because we were on a plane two days later to visit relatives for Thanksgiving.  I made it through the holiday because I had my lovely little Vicodin every four hours, which I named Vicky because "she" was FABULOUS! and therefore needed a name, as well as a hot tub with my name on it fired up with the jets. Oh...and a signature Mai Tai, WITH an umbrella.

I was good.

Really, really good.

Now we are weeks past the injury, but I'm still "tender" in that I haven't toughened up like normal. If I sit for too long, my back screams at me just to let me know that we still aren't really on speaking terms; we're still yelling at each other. So I don't sit. And I don't read. And I don't write.

So, if I don't post again before Christmas:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I guess I'm all that stuff since I've been accused of it enough times.

Always by VERY tolerant and open-minded liberals.

Obviously not close friends.

Ride'em like an eventer!

Richard Spooner is NOT an eventer, he is a California grand prix rider -  and he is GOOD! When his horse takes off long at a triple combination, Richard does the unthinkable.

He throws away his reins and rides through it like a boss.

Everyone who jumps knows that, no matter WHAT we think we are doing up there, it's the horse who is jumping the fences, and if something goes wrong, it's the horse who is going to take care of it.

Remembering that when 5' 6" fences are rushing up on you is another thing entirely.

When I watch this I am amazed at how instantaneously and effortlessly he just lets go and stays out of the horse's way...and I say that as a rider who used to be teased mercilessly because I was always coming at the biggest combination on the course having dropped either my reins or my stirrups.

But I never did it on purpose.

Apparently, looks actually matter.

Yesterday I wrote about a recent study which put forward the extraordinary finding that when wives calmed down -- fercrissakes -- they had happier marriages. I hope I was able to offer a little insight into why this is so. 

Honestly, I was also hoping that we wouldn't immediately be gifted with any more highly significant studies from incredibly intelligent people whose Very Important Findings About Life were learned by the rest of us in junior high.

Give it a rest for awhile, could you, smart guys? 

But grant money doesn't just land in one's bank account, kittens. You have to think of something very important yet completely misunderstood by other pointy-headed pencil-biters to keep those sweet sweet dollars flowing. So, alas, a new study published in the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology" presents us with yet another heaping pile of stupid so enormous that I feel -- once again -- obligated to sort things out for everyone.

Men With Attractive Wives Report Higher Levels Of Marital Satisfaction, New Study Finds

Pardon me for my momentary outburst but, "Are they f*&king kidding?"

Apparently they are not. The study was funded and conducted with a straight face by all involved.

Happy wife, happy life? Not anymore -- a new study suggests it’s an attractive wife that leads to a satisfying marriage.

In the study, which was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, psychologist Andrea Meltzer tracked over 450 newlywed couples during the course of four years and posed the question: does a good-looking spouse lead to a more satisfying union?

What Meltzer and her team discovered was that spousal attractiveness does play a major role in marital satisfaction -- but only for men. In other words, men care about looks more than women do. (Emphasis mine, but only because you can't hear me laughing my head off.)

We needed a study to let us all in on the Secret of the Century -- men are more driven by physical looks than women.  Feel smart now? You needed to be told this. Researchers at major universities and in professional organizations thought you didn't already know this. You had to be told. And more than once, it turns out. UCLA conducted a similar study in 2008 and found the same thing. What are the odds?

A study conducted in 2008 at the Relationship Institute at UCLA reached a similar finding. Researchers theorized that men who felt they "lucked out" by marrying attractive wives were happier and more likely to care about their wives' needs -- and in turn, the good-looking wives were happier in the relationship as well.

“The husbands seemed to be basically more committed, more invested in pleasing their wives when they felt that they were getting a pretty good deal,” study author Benjamin Karney explained.

Get that? A good looking wife is "a pretty good deal." I suppose so, in the same way that a man who makes $400,000 per year is a "good catch." So we each have our motives. And everyone older than 12 has known this since forever. But we hadn't done a STUDY on it. So we didn't really know it.

Now we do.

Oh goody.

So a great deal more money than any of us will ever enjoy has been spent on a number of studies to tell us that men are happier when they are jumping good-looking women, as long as those good-looking women know when to just calm down and/or shut the hell up.

So put your mascara and lipstick on, sister, and start batting your eyes and stop flapping your lips.

We'll all be a lot happier.  I mean those of you who make it.

Marital advice for free.

Linked yesterday by numerous blogs around the internet was the story that if wives would just calm down faster things would be a whole lot more pleasant around the house.

Excuse me for making the obvious observation but, "DUH!"

I realize it is entirely futile, but I hope that this "research" wasn't paid for with tax dollars.

Of course it was.

Wives really ARE the glue that hold marriages together: Those who calm down quickly after arguments have the best relationships

• Happiest marriages are those where the wife cools off quickly after a row
• Researchers at Berkeley College, California monitored 156 couples
• Husband's emotional regulation has 'little bearing' on marital satisfaction

Let me elucidate the findings.

Marital happiness is based on the wife's emotional state, not the husband's. Why? Because it is the woman who is most likely monitoring the emotional state of a relationship at all. Men, bless their little hearts, are content with:

1. good food
2. good sex, and 
3. a good night's sleep. 

After that you can throw in football and a cold beer.

You've got yourself a happy, happy man.

Men are simple.

Women, however, are complicated. And so they make relationships complicated.

You're welcome.

Women are the ones in a relationship who are "looking for growth". This is basically a toxic statement to a guy, as the only "growth" they want her looking for relates back to one of the basic three needs listed above. The average man has no idea what emotional growth means and doesn't much care. He is ready to work hard, play hard, love hard, and fight hard, if need be. And he's ready to do all that on Day One. No additional growth needed.

Considering this, it is reasonable -- though politically incorrect -- to conclude that women are far more likely to be the ones who are ticked off about the status of their marriage. Women are far more likely to bring up a subject (or subjects!) that not only never occurred to their husband, but if it (they) had, he would have ignored it (them) completely.

To a man this is called emotional maturity.

To a woman it is called emotional immaturity.

Do you see how this little difference can be a big problem? They don't call it the Battle of the  Sexes for nothing, kittens.

So the "research" finds that the marriages in which the wife calms down quickly after an argument are the happiest. As I said before, "DUH!"  The man never wanted to fight in the first place, never understood the need for the fight throughout, and just wanted it to be over so he didn't miss the second half of the football game.

I jest. But only barely.

Here's the solution. No, you don't have to pay me for this advice.

Women will always be more interested in the "temperature" of a relationship, the nuances of words, the meaning behind every action. Deal with it, guys. It's how we're wired. But, to be fair, women, you need to understand that men brought the whole enchilada to the table when they asked you to marry them. It was simple for them and now you're just trying to make it complicated. If you MUST dig into the details (of which they are blissfully unaware), at least have the grace to do it quickly and then lose the attitude and go make him a sandwich.

And don't forget the cold beer.

He'll not only be happier, he might just listen next time.

However, I know very few women who will take my advice. I don't even take my advice. I am far more likely to act like this stupid bird. Although I have yet to do the sideways head thing. Might add it to the repertoire. It has a certain emphatic "take THAT!" quality that could come in handy. It would be fun, at any rate.

And to make matters worse, if the wife doesn't figure this whole thing out early on, things just get worse because this!

Shut UP! This is inconceivable!

Most Americans have now managed to get their heads out of their behinds. A first, kittens.

And our first black president made it happen. Maybe all that "god-like" talk was for reals. Maybe Obama really is capable of performing miracles.

Of course it could just be more proof that we are a nation of racist, ungovernable, pigeon-toed trash.

Take your pick.

H/T: Weasel Zippers and Ace of Spades HQ

For the Classy Cowboy!

You all know him. The guy who stands out without standing apart. The man who doesn't need to raise his voice to be heard. He is cool, iconic, and has the moves like......

                                              ..........Ferdinand!

This is why I don't take pictures of my recipes.

Because it's not easy to style and light and position food to look super yummy. Even Martha "As A Matter Of Fact I DO Know How To Make License Plates" Stewart proves this with her recent food tweets.

Hilarity ensues.  Also nausea.

Iceberg wedge with homemade Russian dressing. Perfect salad for the onion soup lunch pic.twitter.com/KQatWUKUdl
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 17, 2013

@MarthaStewart jesus christ martha
— Jonno E (@CiaraVEVO) November 17, 2013

@libraryyeti @Karnythia I know, right? "Martha your dog appears to have vomited on my wedge of lettuce."
— Invisible Cripple (@civilwarbore) November 18, 2013

Best slow cooked onion soup with baguette croutons and gruyere and Comte cheese melted on top. Garden onions pic.twitter.com/VNFkeiV3o3
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 17, 2013

@LouisatheLast @Karnythia That soup pic looks like a toilet bowl after an attack of intestinal flu.
— Invisible Cripple (@civilwarbore) November 18, 2013

Obviously I am seriously conflicted.

There's this for my ennui, lethargy, and general "don't give a shit" attitude today.

But then there's this for my feeble attempt to see things differently.

Still conflicted. And too lazy to choose.

I'll be in my closet.

Liberals are the New Tories

Once upon a time liberals "spoke truff to  power" and righteously called for the impeachment of a president over an enemies list and spying and bullying, which was bad even though the president in question was only spying and bullying and collecting the names of DEMOCRATIC POLITICIANS, which, when you think about it, is sort of understandable though reprehensible and we should always be careful to act disapprovingly and tut-tut over such behavior and raise our eyebrows and purse our lips just to make sure everyone understands that we sincerely disapprove...even though it WAS directed just at Democratic politicians.

Zoom ahead to the topsy-turvy world of today's liberals where they cheer their king when he turns the full force of government muscle on its OWN CITIZENS attempting to exercise their rights to support and elect candidates which represent their values. For today's liberals are staunch supporters of the king.  Now they LOVE the government and the establishment and the power structure! Now they LOVE THE IRS for having an enemies list and bullying and spying! Now it's for "the cause." Now it's for King Obama. And, besides, it was highly effective. So don't expect any liberal to be upset or disapproving of the similar tactics of special prosecutor Francis Schmitz in Wisconsin.

Perhaps the probe will turn up some nefarious activity that warrants this subpoena monsoon and home raids. But in the meantime the effect is to limit political speech by intimidating these groups from participating in the 2014 campaign. Stifling allies of Mr. Walker would be an enormous in-kind contribution to Democrats. Even if no charges are filed, the subpoenas will have served as a form of speech suppression.

Mr. O'Keefe told us that the flurry of subpoenas "froze my communications and frightened many allies and vendors of the pro-taxpayer political movement in Wisconsin and across the country." Even if no one is ever convicted of a crime, he says, "the process is the punishment."(Emphasis most emphatically mine)

 H/T: DOUBLEPLUSUNDEAD

The Madness of King Barry

Brought to you by the hilarious and irreverent Joe Dan Gorman of Intellectual Froglegs.

I have his videos on continuous loop in my Drinking Closet.  

We're supposed to be laughing at the little Prince and his Court of Clowns.

I fully realize that everyone has already seen these articles, but I've been busy and so, in a 24/7 news cycle, that means I'm late to the party. Is everyone already drunk?

Last week Jonah Goldberg wrote in the National Review about the three-ring goat rodeo and clown circus that the launch of Obamacare has become:

But come on, people.

If you can’t take some joy, some modicum of relief and mirth, in the unprecedentedly spectacular beclowning of the president, his administration, its enablers, and, to no small degree, liberalism itself, then you need to ask yourself why you’re following politics in the first place. Because, frankly, this has been one of the most enjoyable political moments of my lifetime.

If I believed for one teeny minute that the spectacular failure of Obamacare would actually mean its demise, I would be laughing until I cried. I would be sending out postcards that read:

But I don't.

I truly believe that we've entered a time in our political history when the political class DO NOT CARE what effects their policies have on us. They care only about the increase of their own political power and they aren't even slightly worried about our reaction to that reality. Oh...there are a few Democrats who are in purple districts and might be sent home over this, but the politburo considers those comrades expendable. As long as the power is maintained by the socialists and progressives and all-round creeps, the DNC doesn't give a hoot for the personal careers of vulnerable senators or congressmen.

Ask yourself, when was the last time a government social program was scraped because it was disastrous, expensive, inefficient, immoral, unfair, and unconstitutional?

I'll wait.

Obamacare is just the beginning of the end. It is the mile marker on our hike into socialism. Next stop -- utter despair.

And the Clown Prince Obama and and his Court DO NOT CARE, and they aren't going back and they aren't giving in and they aren't going to fix anything.

So Mr. Goldberg can find joy in the enormous and unmitigated failure of all failures, as do I, but only because it is better to laugh than to cry.

Because as I always say, "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone because you look horrid and feel worse with puffy eyes, a stuffy nose, and a migraine headache."

Even though Obamacare would cover that if you could get insured, the deductibles mean you're paying for that out of pocket, sucker. Crybaby. Wimp. Loser.

Mark Steyn, sets out the new reality for us all to grasp:

On Thursday, he passed a new law at a press conference. George III never did that. But, having ordered America’s insurance companies to comply with Obamacare, the president announced that he is now ordering them not to comply with Obamacare. The legislative branch (as it’s still quaintly known) passed a law purporting to grandfather your existing health plan. The regulatory bureaucracy then interpreted the law so as to un-grandfather your health plan. So His Most Excellent Majesty has commanded that your health plan be de-un-grandfathered. That seems likely to work. The insurance industry had three years to prepare for the introduction of Obamacare. Now the King has given them six weeks to de-introduce Obamacare.

We just suffered through a government shutdown where we witnessed 90 year old WWII veterans barred from visiting their own memorial, tourists barricaded into hotel rooms for fear that they might see Old Faithful blowing off steam and -- HORRORS! -- take a picture, and death benefits being denied to soldier's families because Prince Obama wasn't having ANY of the Republicans' efforts to delay implementation of Obamacare. He wasn't going to be held hostage. Oh no...

NOW it's Prince Precious' idea and so everything is fine, except it probably -- HAHAHAHA! PROBABLY -- isn't even legal.

“I wonder if he has the legal authority to do this,” mused former Vermont governor Howard Dean.

Can I ask WHY we have men and women ELECTED TO MAKE AND UPHOLD THE LAW not knowing whether an action is LAWFUL OR NOT?  Can I ASK that???? Shit, people, this is ridiculous. "Ahh...duurrr...I just got myself elected by lying and bribing. I don't knows nothing 'bout laws and stuff."

Later that day, anxious to help him out, Congress offered to “pass” a “law” allowing people to keep their health plans. The same president who had unilaterally commanded that people be allowed to keep their health plans indignantly threatened to veto any such law to that effect: It only counts if he does it — geddit? As his court eunuchs at the Associated Press obligingly put it: “Obama Will Allow Old Plans.” It’s Barry’s world; we just live in it.

This is a Clown Prince determined to act unconstitutionally.  This is the plan, folks. Every time he is able to clearly and defiantly act outside the law and challenge the eunuchs in Congress who shuffle and mumble and whisper among themselves, "Can he even DO that?" he increases the power of the office. The presidency inches closer to dictatorship.

The reason for the benign Sovereign’s exercise of the Royal Prerogative is that millions of his subjects — or “folks,” as he prefers to call us, no fewer than 27 times during his press conference — have had their lives upended by Obamacare. Your traditional hard-core statist, surveying the mountain of human wreckage he has wrought, usually says, “Well, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.” But Obama is the first to order that his omelet be unscrambled and the eggs put back in their original shells. Is this even doable? No. That’s the point. When it doesn’t work, he’ll be able to give another press conference blaming the insurance companies, or the state commissioners, or George W. Bush . . .

 And through it all, the god-awful, insultingly stupid, embarrassingly incompetent, outrageously illegal shenanigans, we are expected to be so compliant, so eager for his petty favors, that We The People don't even challenge shit like this:

Still, as historian Michael Beschloss pronounced the day after his election, he’s “probably the smartest guy ever to become president.” Naturally, Obama shares this assessment. As he assured us five years ago, “I know more about policies on any particular issue than my policy directors.” Well, apart from his signature health-care policy. That’s a mystery to him. “I was not informed directly that the website would not be working,” he told us. The buck stops with something called “the executive branch,” which is apparently nothing to do with him. As evidence that he was entirely out of the loop, he offered this:

Had I been I informed, I wouldn’t be going out saying, “Boy, this is going to be great.” You know, I’m accused of a lot of things, but I don’t think I’m stupid enough to go around saying, “This is going to be like shopping on Amazon or Travelocity,” a week before the website opens, if I thought that it wasn’t going to work.

Ooooo-kay. So, if I follow correctly, the smartest president ever is not smart enough to ensure that his website works; he’s not smart enough to inquire of others as to whether his website works; he’s not smart enough to check that his website works before he goes out and tells people what a great website experience they’re in for. But he is smart enough to know that he’s not stupid enough to go around bragging about how well it works if he’d already been informed that it doesn’t work. So he’s smart enough to know that if he’d known what he didn’t know he’d know enough not to let it be known that he knew nothing. The country’s in the very best of hands. (EMPHASIS MINE!!!)

Remember, Obama didn't have a clue about the IRS scandal until he heard about it on TV, just like the "folks." And he was playing cards with Reggie Love when bin Laden was taken out. Oh, and he was packing for a weekend in Vegas when Benghazi went down.

Apparently, just because he never knows a damn thing doesn't mean he isn't really, really smart.

Michael Beschloss is right: This is what it means to be smart in a neo-monarchical America. Obama spake, and it shall be so. And, if it turns out not to be so, why pick on him? He talks a good Royal Proclamation; why get hung up on details?

All in all, I could just puke.

I'll be in my Drinking Closet. If anyone wants to join me, it's BYOB. I'm not sharing today.

I've read the list twice...

A good reason to pray.

Men Don't Go To Baby Showers

When a soldier in the army requested time off to attend his wife's baby shower, the request was denied, of course. Everyone knows "men don't go to baby showers."

Duh.

Men do MANLY stuff.

Ok, then. Request granted.

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.

Yesterday was Veteran's Day and many of us around the country were celebrating and remembering loved ones who fought, some who died, in our nation's wars. All were heroes.

But there were other heroes that we should remember. The animals who go into war alongside our soldiers are heroes, too.

There was Judy, the pointer in World War II.

Judy, the prisoner of war.

Judy was the mascot of several ships in the Pacific, was captured by the Japanese in 1942 and taken to a prison camp, there she met Leading Aircraftsman Frank Williams who shared his small portion of rice with her.Judy raised morale in the POW camp giving alarm when poisonous snakes, crocodiles and even tigers approached. She was smuggled out in a rice sack when the prisoners were shipped back to Singapore, she never whimper or betrayed her presence to the guards.

The next day the ship was torpedoed.Williams pushed Judy out of a porthole in an attempt to save her life, even though there was a 15 feet drop to the sea. He made his own escape from the ship, not knowing if Judy had survived. Frank Williams was recaptured and was sent to a new camp without news of Judy's survival. However, stories began being told of a dog helping drowning men reach pieces of debris on which to hold.Williams was giving up hope of finding Judy when she arrived in his new camp. "I couldn’t believe my eyes. As I entered the camp, a scraggy dog hit me square between the shoulders and knocked me over! I’d never been so glad to see the old girl. They spent a year in Sumatra.

"She saved my life in so many ways. The greatest way of all was giving me a reason to live. All I had to do was look at her and into those weary, bloodshot eyes and I would ask myself: What would happen to her if I died? I had to keep going. Even if it meant waiting for a miracle.

Once hostilities ceased, Judy was smuggled aboard a troopship heading to Liverpool.She was awarded the Dickin Medal, "the animals' VC", in May 1946. Her citation reads: "For magnificent courage and endurance in Japanese prison camps, which helped to maintain morale among her fellow prisoners and also for saving many lives through her intelligence and watchfulness". At the same time, Frank Williams was awarded the PDSA's White Cross of St. Giles, the highest award possible, for his devotion to Judy.

Frank and Judy spent the year after the war visiting the relatives of PoWs who hadn't survived; Frank remarked that Judy always seemed to give a comforting presence.Judy died at the age of 13. Frank spent two months building a granite and marble memorial in her memory, which included a plaque which told of her life story.


And Sgt Reckless during the Korean War.





There is even a statue commemorating the horses and mules lost during the Civil War. One and one half MILLION.

Statue stands in the garden of the Library of Revolutionary Times

The plaque at the base of the statue.

Never forget.

Men. Women. Animals.

Heroes all.

Excellent advice.

So often we struggle with life, wrestling it triumphantly to the ground only to have it redouble its efforts and throw us off the cliff. This lovely, funny, warm mother gives her daughter some excellent advice.

The main thing is just to try to be nice. You already are – so lovely I burst, darling – and so I want you to hang on to that and never let it go. Keep slowly turning it up, like a dimmer switch, whenever you can. Just resolve to shine, constantly and steadily, like a warm lamp in the corner, and people will want to move towards you in order to feel happy, and to read things more clearly. You will be bright and constant in a world of dark and flux, and this will save you the anxiety of other, ultimately less satisfying things like ‘being cool’, ‘being more successful than everyone else’ and ‘being very thin’.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the movie "Harvey" when James Stewart is explaining the first rule of life. "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be - she always called me Elwood - In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."

The fact that this rule of life completely eludes me is of no importance. It is still the first rule. But because the Rule of Nice consistently dances out of reach, my mouth always able to easily slip the bonds of good manners and deliver the direct hit before I even realize I've taken aim, this advice is especially pertinent to me.

Second, always remember that, nine times out of ten, you probably aren’t having a full-on nervous breakdown – you just need a cup of tea and a biscuit. You’d be amazed how easily and repeatedly you can confuse the two. Get a big biscuit tin.

I think I may just start drinking tea and eating biscuits. It might go a long way to keeping me out of trouble. Wine hasn't helped.

This is brilliant. Everyone memorize this.

Four: choose your friends because you feel most like yourself around them, because the jokes are easy and you feel like you’re in your best outfit when you’re with them, even though you’re just in a T-shirt. Never love someone whom you think you need to mend – or who makes you feel like you should be mended. There are boys out there who look for shining girls; they will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart. The books about vampires are true, baby. Drive a stake through their hearts and run away.

 I am a fixer. I am constantly getting involved with people that - right up front - I know are complainers, whiners, disappointed in life, unhappy with themselves. I'm not really sure why, but I think it is rooted in the fact that generally I find life pretty easy to navigate and always believe I can just tell others how to do it and -- PRESTO! -- they will be happy. So far this hasn't worked. Ever. I'm going to start carrying stakes.
 
But this is the advice that is near and dear to my heart, because it is exactly what I have always said and always remind everyone every time.

This segues into the next tip: life divides into AMAZING ENJOYABLE TIMES and APPALLING EXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE AMAZING ANECDOTES. However awful, you can get through any experience if you imagine yourself, in the future, telling your friends about it as they scream, with increasing disbelief, ‘NO! NO!’ Even when Jesus was on the cross, I bet He was thinking, ‘When I rise in three days, the disciples aren’t going to believe this when I tell them about it.’

The best experiences and the worst experiences are the ones we remember with the most emotional energy. They are the ones that most directly shape our lives and give us shared memories that create our history. There are the peak moments -- the weddings, the births, the graduations, the birthdays, the promotions. Enjoy them; celebrate them! But the god-awful catastrophes are just as meaningful, just as powerful in teaching us how to live life. The Thanksgiving when the oven door fell off with 12 guests arriving, the storm that blew out the power for seven days, the moments of embarrassment, disappointments, failures, and screw ups. These moments add meaning to our lives. If we let them. And we should. We allow them to add meaning to our lives by laughing at them...remembering incidences that were once horrifying with humor allows us to embrace our frailties and humanness, and the silly, impossible, messiness of life. People who struggle with depression are often those who can not find the humor in the awful moments; they cling desperately to the initial feelings of frustration or humiliation or disappointment, relieving them until they define how they view life.

Laugh at the mess. It's a better way.

Read it all, the way she wrote it. It's great.



 

Clever horse.

But not a great career move. Unlikely he'll be selected to be a jumper after this.

They say there are early warning signs in serial killers.

You decide.

Two little girls. Two giant voices. Same song. By the way, does every soprano in a talent contest sing "O mio babbino caro"? Just asking. And every SINGLE tenor sings "Nessun dorma" from Puccini's Turandot. Or it certainly seems that way.

So which one is your favorite?

Jackie Evancho, ten years old 

Amira Willighagen, nine years old

H/T: The Smallest Minority

I don't care how hot it is, everyone should NOT wear a bikini

Seven days in Hawaii and I am completely over the idea that anyone should be able to just go ahead and wear a bikini. No. This is insane. The only women who can wear a bikini are under 30 and/or have personal trainers. Everybody else? Please show a little restraint and wear a classic one piece. They can look lovely and I don't have to avert my eyes. I have seen more cracks, rolls and hideous bulges than I can count. A sales girl tried to sell me a bikini. I weigh 115lbs but there is still no way you're getting me in a bikini again.  

She said, "You're in Hawaii.  I have 300 lb friends who wear them."

I replied, "They shouldn't."

No one wants to see that. 

The last scary post....Then I'm off for warmer, happier places. You all stay safe now, ya hear?

A marine tells his local community what is going on. Is anyone paying attention?

This might alarm you for a moment because the gentleman certainly has a background and the connections to speak with authority, but then again it is so very, very easy, and rather attractive, to push it aside as utterly impossible. This is America. Things like that do not happen here. They happen in Argentina. They happen in Cuba. They happen in Russia. They happen in Germany. They happen in Italy. They happen in just about every nation in Africa. But they do not happen here!

But then there's this:

On Saturday, Terry M. Hestilow, a retired United States Army Captain from Fort Worth, Texas, posted a letter on Facebook that he wrote to Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, warning that the Department of Homeland Security is preparing to go to war with the citizens of the United States.

"It is with gravest concern that I write to you today concerning the recent appropriation of weapons by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) that can only be understood as a bold threat of war by that agency, and the Obama administration, against the citizens of the United States of America," his letter began.

But to reassure you, if any of this is beginning to sound a little scary, I must remind you of how our Bestest Ever President Peace Prize cautioned us:

So don't worry your little heads about any of this. President Peevish has told us that we should just trust them...or we're going to have some real problems.

Federal Police in Grand Junction, CO

Today this was posted on my Facebook wall by a friend. It was accompanied by his written statement of what happened.

So, as I was about to park, I saw this vehicle, so I quickly got out of my car and took a picture as it drove by. As the driver saw me do this, he slammed on the brakes, and asked, "Do you have a problem?" To which I replied, "Just taking a picture. Is that illegal now?" He then eeked forward a few feet and stayed there in the middle of the road for about a minute and a half until a car approached him from behind, forcing him to move... This, ladies and gentlemen, is a FEDERAL POLICE FORCE. Here. In Grand Junction. Feel safe yet?

BOO!

Only I'm not kidding and this is really getting scary.

Speaking of laughing at scary stuff....

First, the laughter.

Heh...almost too true to be REALLY funny. I'm mostly just enjoying the hell out of the searing, wrenching, unicorn-decimating, teddy-bear-destroying PUMMELING the dreams of the moist-eyed liberals are taking. That's gotta hurt. And it's scary, too, huh...precious? Real life is scary for babies and widdle kiddies.

Here's just one example of how scary real life is going to be under Obamacare. BOO!

Hauntings, Halloween, and Hawaii

My husband and I will be on the island of Kaui for the next week, so we will be spending Halloween in Hawaii. Not very spooky. Last year we were in Maui just before Halloween and one restaurant, the Pineapple Grill, saw fit to provide a little tacky thrill to the diners.

Aloha, you little goblins!

The only thing that would have scared me was if they said they were out of rum!

But this year we will be there on Halloween. SPOOOOOOKY! Okay, I realize that trying to make Hawaii scary is a stretch (may I enter the picture above into evidence, Your Honor?), but I love Halloween and will miss not celebrating it at all this year.

So because I won't be posting for the next week, and won't be celebrating Halloween at all, but WILL be throwing back Mai Tias like a sailor, here's a little video that is guaranteed to put some serious SPOOK in even the most rational, skeptical, cynical, close-minded sober person out there.

Explain this! I dare you.

Now that's some really spooky shit, if you ask me.

More details/speculation/video/flat out crazy stuff here.

Just for the record, I've had more than enough encounters with weird/paranormal/supernational/crazy-ass-WTF stuff in my own life that watching this makes the hair crawl on the back of my neck and gives me a goose-bump chill.Thankfully nothing I've experienced ended in death, though.  But if/when it finally does, I'm hoping for this...

What good is death if you can't get a little joke or two out of it?


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I can't say it any better.

So I'm stealing -- in its entirety -- the letter from Congressman Tom McClintock explaining the recent government shutdown.

Facts are stubborn things.

Dear Friends,

This nation has gone through 18 government shutdowns in the last 37 years. Fifteen of those 18 shutdowns occurred when Democrats controlled the House. In those 15 shutdowns, the Democrats demanded increased abortion services and labor and environmental policy concessions.

Perhaps the reason we don’t remember those shutdowns as vividly is because in those days, presidents negotiated around the clock to resolve the disputes that caused them and did everything they could to minimize the public’s inconvenience and suffering.

This time was different. This time, the President refused to negotiate and took unprecedented steps to amplify the pain and suffering that the public endured.

Why would the administration do this? They told us why – because they were winning politically.  

What was the outrageous Republican demand that Democrats refused even to discuss during the 16-day shutdown while they ordered our public servants to make life as difficult as possible for people?

On September 30th, with the deadline just hours away, House Republicans had dropped all conditions to fund the entire government with one substantive exception: delay the individual mandate that forces people to buy policies against their will. Democrats summarily rejected this proposal and for 16 days refused to negotiate on this single point, while literally accusing Republicans of sedition.

Then this past Monday, the President’s Press Secretary made this stunning admission: the Obama administration may itself seek to delay the individual mandate by dropping the penalty for non-compliance.

They’ve got to be kidding.

For the 16 days of the shutdown, the only substantive dispute was the Republican plea to delay the individual mandate for the millions of Americans who couldn’t find or afford Obamacare policies.

Doing so could have ended the impasse instantly. During those 16 days, it was clear to everyone that the exchanges weren’t working. Yet the President and Congressional Democrats refused even to discuss the matter, while they turned their formidable propaganda machine to the task of winning politically.

These facts speak for themselves and need no embellishment from me. John Adams once observed that “Facts are stubborn things.” As passions cool and reason resumes its rightful place in the nation’s discourse, these facts will speak eloquently and stubbornly of what happens when politics trumps policy and propaganda trumps reality. 

Sincerely,

Tom McClintock

The Only Thing You Will Get Fired For in the Obama Administration

No, it isn't corruption.

And it isn't incompetence.

And it isn't perjury.

And it isn't just breaking the law.

The only thing, it seems, that will get you fired from The O Team is not spewing the party propaganda in support of President Prissy Pants. Say something critical and you're booted off the island.

A couple of days ago, we learned that a Jofi Joseph, an official in the National Security Staff in the White House was dismissed for a series of scathing tweets that were less than laudatory about Big O and his merry band of thieves, and today we learn that an Obamacare telephone operator was canned after speaking with Sean Hannity on his radio program and admitting that not many people cared for Obamacare.

Really? People being fired because they speak the truth. And here I sit waiting for people who LIE to get fired. Oh well....

Color me shocked...which is an obvious, high-pitched dog whistle racist comment because, you know, "color"...helllllooooooo.

I suppose we can all be grateful that we live in a country where you only lose your job for being honest when it displeases Beloved Leader. There ARE countries where you lose your life.

We're not there yet.

Stay tuned.

I am lying to you. Period.

As the massively awesome rollout for the Affordable Healthcare Act proceeds with all the efficiency and amazing technological expertise that can be had for close to a half a billion dollars from the world's best and brightest because government...let us all take a few moments and remember these words promises lies--

 Got that? You likey, you keepy.

You wanty, you gotty.

It's that simple.

Honest. Period.

Except for this.

And this.

Oh...and this.

OOPSIE...there's this.

Oh, shut UP!

Healthcare.gov is awesome!

What a moron! I forgot to give this post a title. Now, I don't even really care...so there's your title. Whatever. SHEEEESH! How many letters are in stupid again?

**********************************

Peace Prize and his crack team of experts have just accomplished such a spectacular, mind-blowingly awesome healthcare launch to his HISTORIC legislation, the Affordable Care Act, that people are cheering in the streets and hugging each other with joy. They are honking their horns and waving blindly to strangers, each filled with an inexpressible desire to just connect, you know...to share this moment...to honor each others' stories...to be a part of...

Wait...what? That's not happening? The deuce, you say! So what IS happening? Jon Stewart has awakened to the hilarious -- and alarming -- reality.

As the saying goes, when you've lost Jon Stewart...

In Obama's case, he's not only lost Jon Stewart, he's now seriously cutting into his 47% hard deck of voters.   His approval rating has dropped to 44.5%. Consider, kittens, that this means this president is so god-awful that people who vote for a living don't like him. These are people who NEED government and even they are saying, "The guy stinks."

'Course, they will still vote for him. They might not like him, but he's still the only game in their town.

A horse is a horse...of course...of course....

Unless it's an ass.

On CraigsList, we find horses who dearly need a good home, preferably with someone who only wants to feed and pet them. Working for a living is not part of the deal, apparently.

Miserable, cantankerous horse for sale - $1400 (New Haven) 

Meet Rotten Banana. My wife named him that before he was born 7 years ago, and for that reason I believe she is a true psychic medium.

Rotten Banana's father was a registered Paint we owned, who was a valiant sweetheart of a horse but was ugly as sin. His mother is an evil wench, but is built like a brick house and is afraid of nothing. We thought the breeding might give us a valiant sweetheart who was built like a brick house. Instead, we got.....Rotten Banana. (This reminds me of a joke.)

Banana has a lot of.....personality. He has great ground manners. He loves attention. He is probably the best horse I have ever seen about picking up his feet. My 6 year old daughter can lead him anywhere.

And that's where the good stuff ends, so....maybe stop reading here?

Still reading? Dammit.

Rotten Banana is very broke to ride and has hundreds of trail miles. Like his mom, he is afraid of nothing. He will go through brooks, mud, trees and not miss a step.

If he wants to.

If he doesn't want to, he won't do anything. Literally.

If you want to ride, he will just stand there. Whip and spur all you want, the best you will get is a half-hearted buck and a grunt. (The very reputable natural horsemanship trainer I paid $900 to work on this became as exasperated as i was.). If you want to put him on a trailer, and he doesn't want to get on it, he will go backwards. Quickly. If you want to put a bridle on him, he will actually point his nose to the sky like a timberwolf. When you are not looking, he will either steal the hat off your head with his teeth, or grab your shirt and give you a tug.

In short, he is an ass.

So, if you're looking for a project horse with lots of miles left in him- ta da! Here he is.
Someone with time could actually make a horse out of him. That person is not me.

 *********************************************

And here's another dearly loved family member needing a good home. One with pasture and carrots and apples and nary a saddle or bridle around.

POS AQHA Gelding Sorrel - $200 (St. Hedwig)

POS AQHA sorrel gelding-5 years old. Bronc stomper deluxe-rears, kicks, might bite. Has Alzheimer's-have to start all over each day. Husband got kicked in knee, struck in face, then had a heart attack. Wife mad and thinks horse might be a candidate for dog food can. Can catch and may load in stock trailer. No coggins as we like our vet too much to injure him. Got anything to trade?? Must sign disclaimer against possible injury. Horse is in round pen waiting for you COWBOY! This is not a joke or written to be funny.

852-9233 please text or email


HAHAHAHAHA!

Okay...the joke.

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you just get an onion with really long ears, but every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

On A Lighter Note

When all hope is lost and you're spiraling downward into the abyss of America's "fundamental transformation", my incredibly mature and intelligent response is to watch funny videos.

If anyone has a better idea, I'm all ears.

In the meantime, I'm watching things that make me laugh.

I know that people always make the argument that conservatives are dogs and liberals are cats because people like dogs and cats are assholes, but I think it is exactly the opposite.

Cats are conservatives.

They are intractably independent.
They never apologize for success.
They feel superior to dogs.
They don't need anyone to take care of them. They don't need anyone. Period.
They don't need a lot of rules. Hell, they don't follow them, anyway.
And they are always armed.

Dogs are liberals.

They are collectivists at heart.
They bark alot. Often for no reason.
They follow rules.
They are only really dangerous when traveling in packs.
They whine.
They are the original environmentalists as they are always eating cat poop. Which pretty much settles who is superior.

The End.

I'm betting not one of these people would identify as Teabaggers.

Steven Wright once said that depression is just anger without enthusiasm, so the emotional conflict warring within me from watching this video makes me wish I could ask someone else to slap the living shit out of people before sliding into catatonic oblivion.

My first inclination as I watch is to surrender to utter, soul-crushing depression for the sheer stupidity displayed by the people being asked to sign the petition. But then the enormity of their collectivist retardation arouses nothing short of vase-throwing rage in me, which is pretty enthusiastic, I'll admit.

The solution is to abandon myself to sweet, listless despondency while knowing that proper and well-deserved punishment is being meted out.

Never Go Full Retard used to be a funny line from a movie. Now it has become unheeded advice for an entire nation.

Unheeded.

That word deserves to be repeated.

In unrelated news, Teabaggers are smarter than anyone thought.

Go figure.



H/T: Fellowship of the Minds

When us doesn't mean you.

Or me.

In fact, "us" only really means them.

Government is never really inclusive, and the more power it arrogates for itself, the less inclusive it is. Power never shares.

This is an uncomfortable realization for those who cling fervently to the childish hope that if they only vote for the correct candidate, they will be assured a seat at the table, sharing in the largesse and privilege of power, tossing back champagne and nibbling on medallions of lobster in tarragon cream sauce.

But they can't even get into their own parks now. That's a bit of a rude awakening, isn't it, kittens?

While we all witness the harsh reality of what government actually is, it is instructive to remember the misty-eyed descriptions of soft, gooey goodness Democrats told us it was only a short time ago. Does anyone remember this?

"Don't it feel GREAT to belong to the government!" 

Not really. 

Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/georgewash118164.html#vSLUHR4Zm57CZFoS.99

 

There is hope for America yet.....

Surrounded by the stupid.

And that's not just gratuitous snark -- it's the truth.

WASHINGTON — It’s long been known that America’s school kids haven’t measured well compared with international peers. Now, there’s a new twist: Adults don’t either.

In math, reading and problem-solving using technology – all skills considered critical for global competitiveness and economic strength – American adults scored below the international average on a global test, according to results released Tuesday.

Adults in Japan, Canada, Australia, Finland and multiple other countries scored significantly higher than the United States in all three areas on the test. Beyond basic reading and math, respondents were tested on activities such as calculating mileage reimbursement due to a salesman, sorting email and comparing food expiration dates on grocery store tags.

Is this really a surprise to anyone? When you can confuse a store clerk virtually to the point of tears by handing her a quarter to accompany the $5.00 bill you had already given her after she'd wrung up up the sale for $4.25, you know you are deep into stupid territory. This actually happened. A sales clerk had taken my $5.00 for a $4.25 purchase and entered the amount into her cash register. When I belatedly fished out my quarter from the depths of my Mary Poppins bag and handed it to her, she froze. A confused look came over her. She bit her lip, staring at the five dollar bill and the quarter.

"You gave me too much money."

"No, I gave you the quarter so you could give me back a dollar bill."

"But I only owe you 75 cents."

"Not if you add the quarter to it."

"But I don't need the quarter! That's too much."

I took back the quarter. I then took the additional three quarters she handed me. I paused for effect and to give her brain a chance to have closure on that transaction. Then I put all four quarters in one hand and asked, "Can I have a dollar for these four quarters?"

That's when she almost started crying.

And I almost started laughing.

But I'm not that mean. Almost. Not quite.

Americans are stupid. We are stupid and we are uninformed. But thankfully we score high marks on self-esteem. Yes, that means we are arrogant. This is important because if you aren't arrogant when you're stupid, you might just learn something. Like how to make change.

But wait. All this stupidity is easily explained. It is not, in fact, a result of lowering standards and expectations of performance; nor is it the result of the increasing political power of the teachers' union and the federalization of education through the Department of Education. No. That's just silly talk.

It is all about the inequality.

Simple.

However, my retarded reptilian brain remembers this little video from 2008, and I wonder whether it can be reconciled with the pronouncement that stupidity is simply an expression of inequality.

It would appear from this video, that at the very least, some of our fellow citizens' stupidity results from listening to NPR and reading the NY Times.