Monday, October 21, 2013

A horse is a horse...of course...of course....

Unless it's an ass.

On CraigsList, we find horses who dearly need a good home, preferably with someone who only wants to feed and pet them. Working for a living is not part of the deal, apparently.

Miserable, cantankerous horse for sale - $1400 (New Haven) 

Meet Rotten Banana. My wife named him that before he was born 7 years ago, and for that reason I believe she is a true psychic medium.

Rotten Banana's father was a registered Paint we owned, who was a valiant sweetheart of a horse but was ugly as sin. His mother is an evil wench, but is built like a brick house and is afraid of nothing. We thought the breeding might give us a valiant sweetheart who was built like a brick house. Instead, we got.....Rotten Banana. (This reminds me of a joke.)

Banana has a lot of.....personality. He has great ground manners. He loves attention. He is probably the best horse I have ever seen about picking up his feet. My 6 year old daughter can lead him anywhere.

And that's where the good stuff ends, so....maybe stop reading here?

Still reading? Dammit.

Rotten Banana is very broke to ride and has hundreds of trail miles. Like his mom, he is afraid of nothing. He will go through brooks, mud, trees and not miss a step.

If he wants to.

If he doesn't want to, he won't do anything. Literally.

If you want to ride, he will just stand there. Whip and spur all you want, the best you will get is a half-hearted buck and a grunt. (The very reputable natural horsemanship trainer I paid $900 to work on this became as exasperated as i was.). If you want to put him on a trailer, and he doesn't want to get on it, he will go backwards. Quickly. If you want to put a bridle on him, he will actually point his nose to the sky like a timberwolf. When you are not looking, he will either steal the hat off your head with his teeth, or grab your shirt and give you a tug.

In short, he is an ass.

So, if you're looking for a project horse with lots of miles left in him- ta da! Here he is.
Someone with time could actually make a horse out of him. That person is not me.


And here's another dearly loved family member needing a good home. One with pasture and carrots and apples and nary a saddle or bridle around.

POS AQHA Gelding Sorrel - $200 (St. Hedwig)

POS AQHA sorrel gelding-5 years old. Bronc stomper deluxe-rears, kicks, might bite. Has Alzheimer's-have to start all over each day. Husband got kicked in knee, struck in face, then had a heart attack. Wife mad and thinks horse might be a candidate for dog food can. Can catch and may load in stock trailer. No coggins as we like our vet too much to injure him. Got anything to trade?? Must sign disclaimer against possible injury. Horse is in round pen waiting for you COWBOY! This is not a joke or written to be funny.

852-9233 please text or email


Okay...the joke.

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you just get an onion with really long ears, but every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.



  1. "Rotten Banana" What a great name for a horse! Sounds like it's a well earned name though.

    1. He looks deceptively sweet.

      But the, rotten bananas are REALLY sweet. Icky sweet.