Tuesday, May 22, 2012

If I had a Gun...

...I could make all my dreams come true.

More accurately, since I own several guns and my dreams remain obdurate and frustratingly distant, I should say, "If I was willing to USE my gun, I could make all my dreams come true."

And if I could be assured that no one could defend themselves against my desirous force, I would clean up. Rake it in. Gut the hog. Have it all.

It'd be easy.

I need to get elected for something, somewhere, because this is what government does...and I want in. I'd be stupid not to.

Liberals understand this. They REALLY understand this. It's the sly little secret that they all know; it's the shared glance around the table before the expected display of practiced moral outrage at your suggestion that their policies don't work or create corruption or destroy the very people they were intended to help.

"How DARE you? At least I care!" screams the liberal. Spittle, at this point, is de rigueur; often there is table-pounding, which is a nice touch.

And we are silenced.

Because we actually do care and it is hurtful to be accused of selfish and heartless intentions.

So screw it. I'm going to show just how much I care. I'm getting a gun.

However, as a law-abiding citizen, I can't just go get my OWN gun and start robbing people. I have to understand the game and play by the rules. It's a great game, too. All I have to do is vote Democrat. That's it. Put the gun in government's hand and they'll do the driving stealing for me.

Game over. I win.

And I want all the shiny things! Pay up, bitches. I'm a Democrat now.


  1. First, Gurgle, snort, Baw haw haw!

    Second, you have to get an angle. What do you care about...It can be something green, PC...OK, here is one: You have a lazy horse, you have other animals that will be consumed. Obviously they all have emotional problems. Since you truly care about your animals, there should be a grant out there available to get them mental health benefits. It is probably already in Obamacare, and as nobody has really read it all, it could still be slipped in if necessary. Make a big enough stink(we know all about that here in WI) and you can be appointed to administer those funds, and your animals need a LOT of help, right? See, it is all because you care!

    1. I think the mental health angle is superb! 'Cause how can they prove it isn't so? And just think of the PTSD of my remaining animals after they learn what happened to Shakira and Xavier? They're all a little twitchy now.

      And I do care.


  2. Just found your blog. Love it!

    1. Thank you! Popped over to yours and it's fabulous. I've listed it under my TO KNOW THEM IS TO LOVE THEM blogroll. Nice to meet you!

  3. Nice to meet you too. I'm hoping you'll create a followers widget so your minions of obscurity can reveal themselves.

    1. Not a chance. I'd have to completely rewrite my profile and that took for-EVER!