Monday, June 11, 2012

Mugging Maugham

The news lately has been filled with democracy-killing union-busting, horrifyingly out of control state budgets, and the deplorable quality of service the taxpayer receives for his hard-earned dollars. This is depressing and I think it's important to look on the bright side, if only once in awhile.

High school English teachers from across the country have submitted the best of the best from their creative writing students, highlighting the outstanding teaching they've done with their young charges. It's inspiring.

  1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
  3. He spoke with a wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  6. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
  7. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  8. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  9. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
  10. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  11. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.
Don't you feel better about how your money's being wasted spent, and the future of our nation? If my math is correct, these kids will be running things when I'm old, frail, and completely dependent on their education. Cheer's me right up.


  1. Aw c'mon, I like number 9. That is a classic. In fact, I am going to use that in our next game of "Family Business". I'm always da New Yauk mob, and I talk wit a bad accent da whole time, if ya know what I mean.

    #1, 4, 7, 8 and 10 are horrible and #5 is right out of a Valley Girl movie, I admit, but #3 and #11 are pretty damn funny and I would have graded #6 as pure gold if the context was right. (And I am a teacher...)

    1. My mom was an English and PE teacher at a small Catholic high school in my hometown. The quality of one's writing was a BIG issue around our house. You didn't get away with sloppy. Period. Of course, I don't always carry forward the level of excellence my Mom demanded in the old days.

      In fact, almost never. LOL!

  2. Now that is a great combination: "Now as you run your laps, children, please recite 'The r-r-rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain' in unison. Please remember, people...Enunciate! Always enunciate!"

    (Volleyball) "No, No, no, It is 'I have it', not 'I've got it!' Good gracious children, watch your grammar."

    Seriously though, when you take the time to write your longer opinions, I have been quite impressed with the high level of the communication. If Rachel Lucas wrote in the colloquial style that so many bloggers and commentors do,(though hers are several grades higher IMO) I would never have read past her first post. it is the quality of her writing as well as her content that makes her blog special.

    1. LMHO! I never considered the hilarious dichotomy which might result from my mom being both English teacher and PE/Drill Team Coach. I'm going to giggle over that the rest of the evening.

      I love Rachel's writing. She is funny, smart AND insightful. I started reading her way back...picked up her blog from Bill Whittle's Eject! Eject! Eject! and got hooked on her style of down home humor and intelligent analysis.

      I've been a blog lurker for years.