So...either Australians have a great sense of humor. Or someone else does at their expense. Either way, I'll bet any Australian reading this will laugh their head off.
Because it's funny.
And just to make it even funnier, here is a list of questions and answers which purportedly were pulled off an actual tourism website.
________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get
windy in Australia? I have never seen it
rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
( UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
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A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see
kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from
Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
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A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs
(cash machines) in Australia? Can you send
me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,
Townsville and Hervey Bay? ( UK
)
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some
information about hippo racing in
Australia ? ( USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is
North in Australia ?
( USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery
into Australia ?
( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the
Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels
in Australia ? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there
supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
year round? ( Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of
all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question
about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in
trees. ( USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go
out
walking.
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a
new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
(USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
So, if you're planning a trip to Australia and want to see hippos or play with nice snakes or go for a long walk along railroad tracks, bring water and come naked. Also, human urine, used to protect you against Drop Bears, is decidedly easier to get than dinosaur urine which is also known for its protective qualities. It's been documented.
How do you keep from falling off the Earth down there?
ReplyDeleteHow confusing is my not being named Bruce going to be?
We'll just call you Bruce to keep it from being confusing.
DeleteHAHAHAHAHA! I adored Monty Python. That was one of their best skits.
Reminds me of this commercial about local dialects....
Hahaha! Culture shock. :)
DeleteLike a taser.
DeleteBahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteThat list is sooooooo Aussie.
Nobody has to laugh at our expense, Buttercup, we do quite well on our own.
Years and years ago a dear friend, Stan, was married to an Aussie lady, Judy. When it was time to leave, she would always say, "Well, time to hit the frog and toad."
DeleteI used to laugh like a 12 year old.
Judy was great fun and a great lady. FULL of it. Loved her.
DeleteHere you go. Documented proof of the dangers of dropbears..
ReplyDeletehttp://wallabydown.com/2011/03/21/watch-out-for-those-drop-bears/attachment/0214/
*gigglesnort*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! gasp! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DeleteBeware the Drop Bear!
Another thought.
ReplyDeleteI've always loved koalas ever since one of them peed on a politician - one John Brown who at the time was the Minister for Tourism. Even better, he was a leftist.. heh
Animals have a way of reducing everything...and everyone to the most truthful place. No. Hiding.
DeleteAnd since we're on the subject of Australia and on a roll..
ReplyDelete"Meanwhile in Australia" http://wallabydown.com/2011/03/26/meanwhile-in-australia/
What a crackup!
Superb! I find it particularly funny because, growing up in Idaho, I was faced with similar stupidity when I traveled ANYWHERE in the U.S. People actually asked me if we had running water or electricity. This was in the 70's, when I was a kid.
DeleteThe stupid! Why does it HURT????
[citation needed]
ReplyDeleteOops! I think you misunderstood my comment. I was just making a Wikipedia joke. In fact, I kinda stole it from Cracked.com, where there's a running joke of stating ludicrous "facts" with [citation needed] after them.
DeleteSo no, this list is not in any way my work (though I'd be proud of it if it were). I'm Canadian, not Australian. Glad you like my site, though!