MY EYES!

Things have reached a level of insanity that is frankly dangerous to any who aren't constantly vigilant. It's a Saturday afternoon, and I was innocently checking my email. Of course this led to the usual, "oh, what's this?" click to view short hairstyles for 2013. I mean, really...why not? It's Saturday, I'm sick to death of politics, and hey, I just might need a new haircut.

And then there was this.

Out. Of. The. Blue.

Holy CRAP!!!

What the hell is that? That's not a hairstyle. That's a troll head that a five year old girl has been petting until the hair stays down.

Am I right? Or am I right?

Mind you, that photo of Our First Lady of the Holy Water and Healthy Food was tucked in amongst gorgeous photographs of Scarlett Johansson and Halle Barry, so you can understand the sudden pain of my reaction.

Not. Fair.

It was like an ambush.

I contend that there isn't a woman ALIVE who would deliberately cut her hair to look like that picture.

When will the madness stop?

When you've found your "look", stay with it.

A high school gym teacher accidentally wore the same snappy shirt and sweater vest combo two years in a row for his yearbook picture. His wife, apparently the real cutup in this marriage, suggested that he stay with the look forever, just for fun.

And fun it was.

Forty years of side-splitting hilarity.

This guy is a pro at working a joke. Not only did he not change his outfit, he did not change his eyeglasses, moustache, or expression.

Now that's impressive.

Nice, Mr. Irby.

Give it up.

There comes a time when you need to update your look.

How do you like my new hat?

I just picked it up the other day at the mall. The sales lady said it was the latest thing. I think it makes me look like Julie Newmar.

O. M. G. That is all.

No words.

Wait...I've thought of a word. Stupid.


H/T: Moonbattery

If you're going to be stupid, you'd better be pretty

Actually, I agree with her.

Miss Iowa, on the legalization of marijuana:

Answers like that - and a pretty smile - can get you 4th place. Okay.

But where did Miss California end up, because this answer is positively brilliant.

That muddled response was overshadowed by Miss California, Leah Cecil whom responded to a pre-pageant question on ABC about her thoughts on euthanasia, “That’s a vaccine, right?”

That is right, sweetheart. It cures everything.

Of course, no post on the stupidity of beauty contestants is complete without revisiting that classic by Miss South Carolina:

I personally believe U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uuuh...some people out there in our nation don't have maps...but they have GUNS! So we're good. Somebody shoot something, will ya?

Smart AND fashion savvy. Judge, we have a winner!

For everyone hoping to get their life together in 2013

Either that or I worry that I'm going to get into a major car accident. It's dangerous to tempt fate.

Nip Tuck

I'll let everyone else criticize Susan Rice for being a lying sack with naked political ambition and slavish loyalty to the worst president in the history of this country. My observations are considerably less erudite and informed.

I can't help thinking that this....

Susan Rice as a college student.

...didn't just "mature" into this...

Susan Rice as a lying sack UN Ambassador.

I'm seeing some work done. Just my opinion. But this woman has seen "the knife."

I'm not even saying that's a bad thing. Consider Hillary Clinton. The years have not been kind.

Of course, Hillary needs to meet "the scissors" even more than "the knife." Good LORD! woman, who told you that when you hit 65 years of age that growing your hair long is a good idea?

I Think I'll Solve the Puzzle, Pat

I like the hat. It has the careless insouciance of the truly avant garde. It goes particularly well with the unlit, chewed to a soggy mass cigar stub protruding jauntily from his mouth and the opened jean jacket which says, "This is who I am" with the flare of a man who is completely comfortable with how horrifying and yet undeniably impressive his level of self-acceptance seems to the rest of us.

It's Not What You See, It's What It Looks Like

Isn't that easier on the eyes?

Working On My Tan

They don't have "equestrian" but it's every bit as attractive, I assure you.

THEY DIDN'T ASK ME

According to a recent poll, conducted by Fox News (that rabid right wing conspiratorial racist network), a whopping 65% of Americans think Michelle Obama is just dandy.  Only 28% think she is less than super.  While those numbers are frankly jaw-dropping, the one that really amazes me is the 7% who are unsure. Really? Unsure what you think after almost four years of this?

Such stately composure. Representing our country and all...

Or, when she's dressed up...perhaps something more like...this?

Who are you 7% who can be unsure about the most polarizing First Lady in the history of American politics?  Honestly, even in today's world of Sandra Fluke's and Sarah Palin's, the role of the First Lady is to quietly, elegantly, with grace and style, represent the American people. The First Lady must be seen as dignified and supportive of her husband's position as president at all times. She is not president. She is not a policy maker. She is not employed.  She is a freaking WIFE! The last First Lady who was this vulgar was Hillary Clinton and for many of the same reasons. Hillary did not perform her role as First Lady with grace either. As she is reported to have said, "WE are the President!"  Really?

THIS, my friends, is what a classy First Lady looks like.

ZUT ALORS!

What is that?

I mean it.  Seriously.  WHAT IS THAT?

It looks like just moments before she was to go on stage her dress had a serious wardrobe malfunction and someone shoved all the organic goji berries and baggies of weed onto the floor of a Subaru Outback, tore off the seat protector exposing yellow foam padding and springs, and wrapped her up in it.

Never let a crisis go to waste.