Apparently in Brazil having a cow wander onto your home's rooftop and subsequently plunge through the rickety structure (they don't have terribly strict building codes there, one assumes) is not entirely unheard of. In fact, it's happened several times before. But this time, the cow managed a true bull's-eye.
A sleeping Brazilian man was killed when a cow wandered from a nearby field onto the roof of his home and crashed through, plummeting onto the bed located directly beneath.
The man, 45, died the next day from injuries. His wife, sleeping alongside, was fine — and so was the cow, Newser reported.
Besides, you all knew this wasn't a legit news source, anyway. So, just for the record, I hardly ever verify something if it's funny. Funny goes right through all the gates and straight to the blog.
So...either Australians have a great sense of humor. Or someone else does at their expense. Either way, I'll bet any Australian reading this will laugh their head off.
Because it's funny.
And just to make it even funnier, here is a list of questions and answers which purportedly were pulled off an actual tourism website.
________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get
windy in Australia? I have never seen it
rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
(UK). A:
We import all plants fully grown, and then just
sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see
kangaroos in the street? (USA) A:
Depends how much you've been
drinking. __________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from
Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden) A:
Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take
lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs
(cash machines) in Australia? Can you send
me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,
Townsville and Hervey Bay? ( UK
) A: What did your last slave die
of? __________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some
information about hippo racing in
Australia ? (USA) A:
Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
south of Europe. Aust-ra-lia is
that big island in the middle of the Pacific
which does not ... Oh, forget it. Sure,
the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come
naked. __________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is
North in Australia ?
(USA) A:
Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact
us when you get here and we'll send the rest of
the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery
into Australia ?
(UK) A:
Why? Just use your fingers like we
do. __________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the
Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
(USA) A:
Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country
bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh,
forget it. Sure, the Vienna
Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked. __________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels
in Australia ? (UK) A:
You are a British politician,
right? __________________________________________________
Q: Are there
supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
year round? (Germany) A:
No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal. __________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of
all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA) A:
Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where
YOU come from. All Australian snakes are
perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and
make good
pets. __________________________________________________
Q: I have a question
about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in
trees. (USA) A:
It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called
because they drop out of gum trees and eat the
brains of anyone walking underneath
them.
You can scare them off by
spraying yourself with human urine before you go
out
walking. __________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a
new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
(USA ) A: Anywhere significant
numbers of Americans
gather. __________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas
in Australia? (France)
A: Only at
Christmas. __________________________________________________
Q:
Will I be able to speak English most places I
go? (USA) A: Yes,
but you'll have to learn it
first.
So, if you're planning a trip to Australia and want to see hippos or play with nice snakes or go for a long walk along railroad tracks, bring water and come naked. Also, human urine, used to protect you against Drop Bears, is decidedly easier to get than dinosaur urine which is also known for its protective qualities. It's been documented.
UPDATE
Seems this is completely made up by a very funny writer named Zeke at FiveMinute.Net. When I received it in an email from a friend, I did some googling, but was unable to come up with a source for this. Luckily, I was contacted by Zeke at FiveMinute.Net and now you all can enjoy the rest of his very funny parodies. If you like science fiction, you'll especially love his stuff.
