Crystal Ball Stuff

Stole this from Frank J. and IMAO. 

So what happens after the election? Well, if Mitt Romney is elected, then Obama will have effectively been fired. He’ll be given two weeks notice and told to pack up his stuff. If he dawdles at all, he’ll be tasered and dragged from the premises. And with Michelle Obama gone, candy dishes will once again be put out in the various rooms of the White House and the place will become flooded with fat kids. And then Romney will move in and they’ll teach him how to input his kill list into the predator drones. And then business will start creating jobs as they were waiting for Obama to leave as they didn’t want him to take credit.

If Obama is reelected, though, he’ll declare himself to be the first president ever reelected and thus the greatest president ever. The media won’t fact check him on this. Then he’ll celebrate by eating Bo as there is nothing anyone can do about him now. 

 Read the rest. Good stuff.

Let me add my two cents worth.

If Romney is elected I will have to bind up my lady parts because no one is going to pay me for using them anymore. Black people will have to get used to being slaves again, and Grandma better not let that nice young Mr. Ryan push her wheelchair anywhere. We will all choke to death on toxic air and, as we simply keel over and die in the streets, no one will do anything but step over our pathetic bodies. Even if someone drags us to a hospital, they won't do anything because Republicans like watching people die.They might pray for us, though.

If Obama wins we will have unpolluted air because no one will have cars, and the few who do won't have any gas, but if anyone DOES have gas, it will be from clean ethanol so that polar bears can live, which is a good thing because ethanol is made from food, so people will die. If Obama wins, we will be safe from terrorism unless we, personally, become that "bump in the road", and the ocean will finally recede (after it gets through pummeling the East Coast).  If Obama wins I will finally lose those pesky five pounds that have been bothering me because I won't be allowed to binge on Flaming Hot Cheetos.

And we will FINALLY be a nation that is PROVEN not to be racist because we will have elected the most incompetent, divisive, anti-American asshole ever to hold office - AGAIN. Now THAT is affirmative action IN action right there, kittens.

And I don't care whether you think that's code or not.

A Pictorial Essay of the Vice-Presidential Debate

ALWAYS  BE  BATMAN

Another Hey Girl Moment.

Just getting in the "mood" for the VP debate.

Joe Biden's Debate Prep

RYAN ROARS!

"Awe-inspiring."

Yes, indeed. I think he just delivered this election to Romney.

What She Said

Rachel Lucas delivers the quintessential beat down to MSNBC and, actually, to the entire left. SLAM! Woman! I couldn't say it better myself, so why try?

Honestly, when all these stories detailing MSNBC's deceitful and misleading coverage were swirling around the internet this morning, I tried my best to come up with something, but the absurdity and blantant stupidity of it all kept bringing me to a point where I couldn't even make coherent sentences. I was just flailing away.

Thankfully Obamacare hasn't taken effect.
I went into surgery this morning. 

Also, this.

Celebrate Diversity. Back at'cha, kittens.

More Code

Road to Ruin. (Scary angry black man.) Road to Recovery. (Evil white oppressor) Code.

BIG H/T: IMAO.US

"Hit the Road, Jack"

Or Barack...as the case may be.

Newsweek, famous of late for its outrageously left-leaning cover stories, has come up with a stunner. And I do mean STUNNER!  This is how I felt when I saw it.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa---ahhhh! I was completely faked out.

Here it is:

Srsly?

I know, right?

Niall Ferguson makes a compelling case for why we need a new president in an article filled with facts. This obviously and instantly makes him stupid...and evil.  Oh, and racist. Remember, kittens, I know how to break the code.

Mr. Ferguson points out numerous instances relating to the economy, the war, the budget, where Obama has either not lived up to his promises or he has actually broken them. How much slack are we going to give this president? Oh, now THAT is code, too. I used the word "slack". And "president." Totally code.

Even Our Dear Leader his own self agreed he needed to get kicked to the curb.

Racist.

But the evil, hate-filled, ignorant racist Mr. Ferguson goes even further. He doesn't just point out the huge discrepancies between what Obama promised and what he delivered, Mr. Ferguson actually goes so far as to insist that the Romney/Ryan ticket is the obvious path to prosperity for this country. Speaking of Ryan, Ferguson says:

He is one of only a handful of politicians in Washington who is truly sincere about addressing this country’s fiscal crisis....But one thing is clear. Ryan psychs Obama out. This has been apparent ever since the White House went on the offensive against Ryan in the spring of last year. And the reason he psychs him out is that, unlike Obama, Ryan has a plan—as opposed to a narrative—for this country. [...]

The voters now face a stark choice. They can let Barack Obama’s rambling, solipsistic narrative continue until they find themselves living in some American version of Europe, with low growth, high unemployment, even higher debt—and real geopolitical decline.

Or they can opt for real change: the kind of change that will end four years of economic underperformance, stop the terrifying accumulation of debt, and reestablish a secure fiscal foundation for American national security.

For clarity, I have bolded all the code words so you can see the racism inherent in the story.

I feel a song coming on........

Who knew Ray Charles was a racist?

Man Up

Now is not the time for the GOP to get in touch with their inner feminine side.

Joan of Argghh! at Primordial Slack rips the GOP for behaving like, well...like the GOP. Apparently they haven't been listening for the past few years. The American people want a NEW GOP. Fresh blood. And if we don't get it, we might spill some. (Oh...quit! I'm just kidding!...It's a JOKE, people!...Hold on there...let's talk about this...there's no need for hand cuffs...wow! you guys take everything so seriously!...do I get a phone call?)

Polling numbers point to, “act right, and act now!” not to some proffered remedy of gobbledy-gook chart-dubbing. The pressure from the Tea Party is leaving a mark on the GOP and on a Presidential race that would otherwise have been a repeat of McCain’s tone-deaf “maverick” bullshit. The little people find all the strength they need in the power of, “No. No more. Not welcome. Enough!” 

And they made it heard through the din of the MSM shut-out by dint of their votes.

Read it all here. It's delicious. 

For A Pudgy Old Guy, Newt Can Smack'em Around

"Romney should run as the paycheck president to Obama's food stamp president."

H/T: Ace of Spades HQ

Paul Ryan's Most Charming Moments -UPDATED WITH AWARD!!!

Adorable. I could just pinch his cheek.

I'VE BEEN LINKED AT IMAO.US. 

I'm all a flutter! 

"Whoever he is...he's too late. See!? The Cliffs of Insanity!"

We're heeeeeer-er!

ROMNEY/RYAN? HAHAHA! THEY ARE TOO LATE!

**********************

Our Dear Beloved Leader, Hosanna Hosanna Bama, has skillfully and compassionately driven us right to the very edge of the Cliffs of Fiscal Insanity for He is a man of vision and leadership. It is now up to us. Our choices are only two: jump for Obama or get pushed off by the Republicans.

Hosanna Hosanna Bama believes in us. He believes in our goodness. He believes that we will do the right thing and JUMP FOR OBAMA. Not WITH him, mind you, he will stay behind to make sure all is well, but certainly we will be jumping with those evil 1%'ers because our death is as nothing if we can destroy people who have lots more than----okay...so maybe they will stay behind, too...but we will definitely be jumping with those HENRYs, that's for DAMN sure because they are the one group in America that has enough money to cause envy but not enough to buy off our politicians Democratic Saints. So eff'em. Right? Who's with me???!?!

Come on! All good Democrats, Crybabies and Scaredy Cats know that there is only one way out of this fiscal crisis and it is to trust Hosanna Hosanna Bama and Saint Joseph the Traveler (with all that foreign policy experience) to guide us to the Promised Land on the rocks below. Only with Democrats can we be be assured that massive spending and debt is the answer to our prayers even though this has proven disastrous for every country in history who has ever tried it. Hosanna Hosanna Bama is different. Hosanna Hosanna Bama cares. And all good Democrats know that caring is much more powerful than math.

Instead of abandoning the principle of "I want it all while someone else pays for it", a principle that is demonstrably older and more ingrained in human history than the principle of "I must earn what I have and not envy the success of others", now is the moment when we must re-commit and JUMP FOR OBAMA or those evil Republicans could force us to behave like adults. How dare they?

The choice is clear. If any doubts remain, this should lay them to rest.

The Republicans are truly insane. As a nation we stand on the Cliffs of Fiscal Insanity, fellow citizens, and the Republicans expect us to act sanely. This must not happen! Now is our moment! We are the ones we've been waiting for! The oceans are rapidly receding and the rocks are exposed below! Jump, stupid!

H/T: PJ Media and Andrew Klavan, and Top Commenter, RG

Introducing Cutie Pie

The Daily Caller has put together a list of 10 things most people don't know about Paul Ryan. And no, 'Paul Ryan is a cutie pie' isn't one of the ten. We already know that.

1.) A PPP poll from July suggests Ryan could help Romney win Wisconsin. In a generic match-up between Romney and Obama, the poll showed Obama up six percentage points. But when Ryan was listed as Romney’s running mate, Ryan narrowed the gap for Romney by 5 percentage points, making it a 1 percentage point race in Obama’s favor.

2.) Ryan told Politico’s Mike Allen that his worst habit is that he drinks “two cups of coffee every morning.” Romney, whose Mormon religion forbids him from drinking coffee, will likely not be joining Ryan in his “vice” on the campaign trail.

3.) Ryan is best known for his conservative budget plan, “The Path to Prosperity.” The plan has passed the House of Representatives — albeit in slightly different iterations — the past two years with almost all Republicans and no Democrats voting for it. The plan drastically reforms Medicare and has been demagogued by the left — one liberal ad in 2011 even went so far as to depict a Ryan look-alike pushing an old lady off a cliff.


Read more....

Former Bush Official Thinks Ryan Too Young To Be President

This guy is the expert.

What IS it with these morons? First, McCain was too old. Now Ryan is too young. Oh, and he doesn't have enough foreign policy experience. You know, like Uncle Joe. Got it.

One of these days these idiots are actually going to say a Republican candidate is too smart to be president. Mark my words.

Hitler Finds Out Paul Ryan is VP Pick

And no...it isn't a "Hey, girl" moment.

H/T: Top Notch Commenter, RG

ROMNEY/RYAN!!!! HOW ABOUT WE TAKE BACK THIS COUNTRY ---- AND KEEP IT!

Romney for the next 8 years...AND THEN RYAN FOR 8 MORE!!!

YEAH, BABY!

Obama hits back like a girl.  

"In naming Congressman Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney has chosen a leader of the House Republicans who shares his commitment to the flawed theory that new budget-busting tax cuts for the wealthy, while placing greater burdens on the middle class and seniors, will somehow deliver a stronger economy."

Thanks for the analysis of their economic plans, Champ, but you missed it. A Romney/Ryan ticket shows that the Republicans are serious about reining in insane and failed spending programs, rescinding the monstrosity that is Obamacare, which, though named for you, dear, a constitutional scholar, was found constitutional only by throwing out the Constitution, cleaning out the corruption that brought us Fast and Furious, the stimulus where billions disappeared, and well..just Eric Holder all by his own self.

Where are your gonads, man? Now is not the time for the fish dance.

Ace at Ace of Spades HQ obviously has picked up on this wimpy and altogether unimpressive response to the announcement. He has very helpfully written some slogans and policy sound bites. Watch and learn, baby. Watch and learn.

It's the MURDERS, stupid.

I don't think voters will have a problem with the Ryan budget. What I think they'll have a problem with are his *murders.* 

So: 

Romney/Ryan slogan: "Let's get America killing again" 

He pushed grandma off a cliff, and all she could talk about was what a nice boy he was 

Paul Ryan voted Prom King, Most Likely To Torture Dogs 

Bio: Paul Ryan's inaugural murder was December 8, 1989. 

Bio: Paul Ryan acknowledged as expert in budget, ligatures 

Dick Cheney taught George Bush how to murder. Paul Ryan taught Dick Cheney. 

ANGUISHED SURVIVOR REVEALS: "ALL I HEARD WAS 'HEY, GIRL'" 

Paul Ryan has only two speeds: All-Out, and Murder.

This is going to be great!!! The campaign has come down to voting for a man who *tortures* dogs or one who eats them, a man who makes money or a man who takes money, a man whose fiscally responsible decisions may have put people out of work, or a man whose fiscally irresponsible decisions definitely put people out of work and left us holding the bill for trillions. A man who owns a pretty horse, or a man who's married to one.  And NOW! A VP who has real hair, real smarts, a real backbone, and real sex appeal. Really. 

I've got to tell everybody right now!

 

VOTE ROMNEY/RYAN SO I CAN FIND A JOB AND BUY A GOD DAMN VOLT!