Saturday, January 5, 2013

Picking Winners

I think it is perfectly reasonable to believe that Dear Leader President Obama and his crack team of insightful economic wizards should be the ones who pick all the winners in our economy. That way we will know - without a doubt - that it will not only all work perfectly, but it will all work FAIRLY. And "fair" is the new freedom, kittens. 

Fair is freedom from risk.
Fair is freedom from failure.
Fair is freedom from effort.
Fair is freedom from sacrifice.
Fair is freedom from inequality.
Fair is freedom from ingenuity.
Fair is freedom from outcome.

Besides, you morons, this isn't YOUR economy. You didn't build that. Government did. So government should rightfully be able to decide how best to use all the resources. You'd just want to keep any profits to yourself anyway because you're greedy. Government is never greedy. That's a proven fact because government never -- EVER -- manages to make a profit. So there. Even when they move their incredible intelligence and insight into the private-sector. Now THAT'S an accomplishment. Don't say they can't do anything. They can piss away your money like it is water.

Let's look back to celebrate the awesome foresight of our betters.

President Obama’s Taxpayer-Backed Green Energy Failures

ead ore here:
It is no secret that President Obama’s and green-energy supporters’ (from both parties) foray into venture capitalism has not gone well. But the extent of its failure has been largely ignored by the press. Sure, single instances garner attention as they happen, but they ignore past failures in order to make it seem like a rare case. (I bolded that. Pay attention!)

The truth is that the problem is widespread. The government’s picking winners and losers in the energy market has cost taxpayers billions of dollars, and the rate of failure, cronyism, and corruption at the companies receiving the subsidies is substantial. The fact that some companies are not under financial duress does not make the policy a success. It simply means that our taxpayer dollars subsidized companies that would’ve found the financial support in the private market.
Go on have got to read the list!
OH! And if the private market isn't enlightened enough to buy the green energy just because it doesn't work or because it is vastly more expensive and or because it is incredibly inefficient compared to other forms of energy, the government is taking care of that, too. See, kittens? They really do care. They really, really do.

Saving the planet, $26.00/gallon at a time.

Navy to run on $26 per gallon bio-diesel

If you’re over the age of 40 you probably remember the infamous $600 toilet seats and $400 hammers from the golden age of government waste, fraud and abuse. Should you believe those days are behind us, you’ve got another thing coming.

In the Liberals world of anything for green, the U.S. Navy is implementing a program to power its ships with bio-fuel, despite the fact this “green fuel” costs nearly seven times more than conventional diesel fuel.
I'm sure you all are aware of this exceedingly wise decision by our ruling Wizards to use up the biofuels that the unenlightened free market doesn't want. This is NOT an example of how stupid and wasteful government is, but an example of how regressive and selfish the free markets is. If people weren't so incredibly selfish, they would understand how important it is to assume the exorbitant costs of green energy in order to save the planet for everyone. But noooooo. They refuse to pay more and take less. Selfish bastards. So it is up to the government to act with benevolent wisdom to save us from ourselves. That this "rescue operation" requires our dear politicians to, once again, shovel more of our money down the Rathole of Infinity is a small price to pay for their unending sacrifice on our behalf. So it never hurts to remember just how well they are looking after us and spending our money more wisely than we would EVER be able to do.

To be so awesome and wise and to still care about the little people. How did we get so lucky?


  1. Whale oil! You can't say that isn't bio-diesel and it's renewable if you're careful. If you went back to ships under sail and hand thrown harpoons you couldn't get more green.

    1. HAHAHAHA! I have a carton somewhere that shows two cavemen sitting in a cave and one says, "Something's wrong. All our food is totally organic, our air is pure, we exercise all day...and we still only live to about 30."

      HAHAHA! We were all green once. We didn't like it.

    2. Hahaha! Nature, it's a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there.

    3. There is a South Park episode about saving the rainforests. A liberal chick leading a group of kids in an Up With People sort of activist choir group takes the boys down to Costas Rice and ends up screaming to burn the whole thing down.

      HAHAHAHAHA! I love liberals.

    4. OMG!...How DID I get Costas Rice instead of Costa Rica?


  2. "OMG!...How DID I get Costas Rice instead of Costa Rica?"

    Were you hungry at the time? :P