Elvis has left the building.

But Michael Jackson is still in there dancing up a storm.

I hope I take my own advice.

But I probably won't as I'm stupid.

California Chrome Shines Again!

California Chrome has won the 2nd leg in the Triple Crown, beating back a strong finish by Ride on Curlin to win the Preakness!

It's on to the Belmont, folks.

Maybe we'll finally see another Triple Crown.

California Chrome

This is a great horse with a great story.

The mare of this colt was purchased for $8,000 and everyone said you had to be a dumb ass to buy her. Not only did they buy her, they bred her, and California Chrome was the result. Named for his four white socks because chrome is horseman slang for sparkly bright white on a horse, California Chrome didn't win a single race until they put jockey Victor Espinoza up. The horse must like Espinoza -- a lot -- because he has been undefeated since.

But the best part of the story is that the owners formed a partnership and call themselves DAP, Dumb Ass Partners, because of all the ribbing they took for buying a piece of shit mare that no one wanted and breeding her. Even their silks, purple and green, have the image of a stupid donkey, complete with two bucked teeth.

HAHAHAHAHA!

I am so hoping they have the last laugh!!!

Might Need A Meeting

Irony my shirt, woman! UPDATED YET AGAIN! Just for fun...

 

It has been a long day and I am rather tired, and, quite frankly, I've gotten out of the rhythm of posting a lot at all, but this "blog post gone viral" deserves at least a quick mention if only to share with my tiny band of fellow travelers the irony of a woman blogger melting down on her blog over a guest post by another woman written about how bitchy and emotional other women are, all the while maintaining the unassailable conviction that there are no discernible differences between men and women because SCIENCE! proves it. 

The hot irony. It burns.  (Yeah? So iron my damn shirts, woman!)

The hijinks begin immediately upon a visit to the blog's main page where Clarissa, the owner of the blog, is bitching about how she never has any of her posts go viral and that it is always some other woman's post that gets all the attention.

WWWWWWHAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAA!

Miss Clarissa whines:

Life is unfair, my friends. I have written a multitude of posts, thousands of comments, discussed, talked, offered support and advice, distributed insults, raged, pontificated, preached, linked, reviewed, photographed, formed lasting human connections, antagonized, etc.

Yet the only two times I ever managed to go viral was with the posts that were not even written by me. The first time was with the tree test post and today I have gone viral again with the Entrepreneur’s post on female employees.

It’s time to face it, I will never be able to make myself relevant to the mainstream with anything I manage to produce on my own. (Emphasis lovingly added by moi.)

Clarissa's post about being passed over again and again, despite her indefatigable and notably superior efforts at spreading her matchless wisdom, would be outrageously funny theater on its own, if only for the seriousness of her existential crisis willingly shared with all of us strangers who simply could not give less of a shit, but her behavior becomes circus theater as she stamps her little figurative feet and has a complete editorial hissy fit over the attention given her guest's post and the numerous comments agreeing with the premise of the popular post. And she doesn't like it. Not one bit. 

WARNING: People in the past 2 hours I have had to Spam 63 comments from losers who tried to inform me that “men and women are psychologically / emotionally, etc. different.” Once again, anybody who embarrasses him or herself by chirping idiotically “yes, men and women are different” will be banned outright. This will be my small investment into sparing these losers further public embarrassment. Stop wasting your time, such comments are not going through on my blog. (Emphasis and underlining and whiny-ass temper tantrum belong entirely to the blog author, Miss Clarissa. I didn't have to do anything to make this funnier.)

So we are supposed to be convinced -- and if not convinced, summarily banned -- that SCIENCE! has proven men and women are essentially the same. And we are to be so convinced by the lovely Miss Clarissa as she melts down all over the page in the most deliciously bitchy stereotypical hissy fit I've witnessed in ages.

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm convinced. Handled it just like a man.

The viral blog post that sparked Miss Clarissa's gender-neutral tirade, entitled, "I Don't Want to Hire Women," is a detailed account of just how very, very different women are from men. The guest author, who unfairly stole all of Miss Clarissa's richly deserved attention, notes that these differences are displayed in excessive demands for emotional attention and constant reinforcement, easily bruised feelings, distressingly sensitive reactions to the often harsh reality encountered in business, back-biting and gossip, and the seemingly superficial commitment to one's own career. 

The entire blog post is about how women and men are different. The. entire. fucking. thing.

However, if a commenter makes the grave mistake of assuming that a blog post on the differences between men and women actually invites commentary on the differences between men and women, why he or she will be banned, as per Miss Clarissa, to prevent him or her from "public embarrassment." 

Well, this is certainly handling the situation just like any man. 

Completely gender-neutral. 

And intellectually honest, besides.

Of course, the comments, those that have been allowed, remarkably all question the author's motives, skills at hiring and management of people, ulterior motives, ideology, etc.

One commenter raises some insightful, and allowed, questions:

I’m not sure if the original author will be around to answer questions but I’ve got a few:

1. How sure are you that these situations are not the result of your own attitude? Maybe you are prejudice against women and look for proof that they are not good enough in situations where you let men employees slide?

2. Have you tried talking to these female employees to see what their response is?

3. How would it make you feel if you were refused a shot at employment because the employer disliked women?

You can peruse them, but frankly, they all run along these lines.

Honestly, sometimes I am ashamed of my own gender. When I'm not laughing.

You're not nuts.

You ARE being lied to.

Right. To. Your. Faces.

I'm Hoping SMOD will get here in time.

We only have 496 days left before the end of the world due to massive climate chaos, which, I presume is far, far, far worse than climate disruption, which is far, far worse than climate change, which is far worse than global warming which actually sounded kinda nice. I was all for having long, lovely summers and short mild winters. But now that we are only days away from utter destruction anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed the Sweet Meteor of Death gets here before everything hits the fan to just end it all in a fiery blaze of glory. More dramatic, which is more my style.

And it would be a big FU from God about the predictions of idiots.

Countdown to ‘Chaos’: Diplomat Predicts How Many Days We Have Left Before Climate Disaster

OMG! OMG! OMFG!

Oh....wait....maybe not.

Saving Your Tax Dollars

With so many state budgets careening into the abyss of billion dollars budget shortfalls, I think it is time to revisit the need for some of the gadgetry and high-tech toys our police regularly use. States could easily save significant money without compromising public safety if they switched from breathalyzer sobriety tests to these simple tests. They are easily administered. Deadly accurate. And can even determine a range of blood alcohol levels.

This first test would basically determine whether or not the driver was, in fact, under the influence of alcohol.

If further testing was indicated to determine just HOW drunk is the driver, the police officer could then administer this test.

You're completely shit-faced. Get in the police car.

Zombie Time

I always figured if you couldn't outsmart a slow moving, stumbling, dim-witted zombie, then you probably don't have the brains they are looking for anyway! No wonder they are always so grumpy.

You can disagree with me, but you would be wrong.

I'm fed up. Fed fucking up.

In the last month or so, two issues have inexplicably become revolving themes in my life. Neither of these issues is even slightly difficult to understand, the facts are indisputable, and the SCIENCE! is fucking settled. However, just as inexplicably, people are frankly fucking idiots about both.

The first issue is pit bulls.

I hate pit bulls. If you own a pit bull don't bother telling me how sweet and adorable it is. I will still hate it and then I will think you're a fucking idiot besides. It'll be a two-fer.

Let's go over the SCIENCE! for any 'tards that are going to defend these animals.

1. We have breeds of dogs precisely because man can breed them to consistently display certain traits, characteristics and behaviors. This is indisputable.
2. Certain breeds herd. Others track. Some chase. Etc. Etc. E-fucking-cetera! This is indisputable.
3. Aggression is a trait that can be bred into a dog, just like the desire to chase is bred into the sighthounds. This is indisputable.
4. Aggression combined with a thick, stupid, large-jawed, short-necked, wide shouldered piece of shit killing machine is a very, very, very stupid idea. This is indisputable.
5. Men come up with stupid ideas all the time. This is indisputable.
6. Pit bulls account for the vast majority of FATAL attacks on other pets and on humans. This is indisputable.
7. Many of these attacks were unprovoked and there was no warning of any kind. This is indisputable.
8. The pit is ugly. This is indisputable.
9. There is no sane reason to own one. This is indisputable.
10. Everything the pit bull provides in terms of companionship can be done by hundreds of other breeds...without the handy dandy extra feature of possibly killing you or a family member.
11. If you insist on owning one and defending this breed as sweet and harmless -- AGAINST ALL EVIDENCE -- then you are a liar. This is indisputable.

Here are the FACTS.

Dangerous Dogs

From DogsBite.org:  In the 9-year period from 2005 to 2013, pit bulls killed 176 Americans and accounted for 62% of the total recorded deaths (283). Combined, pit bulls and rottweilers accounted for 74% of these deaths.

Pit Bull Attacks Sharply Rise

These are facts. Pit bulls don't just attack. All dogs can potentially attack. Pit bulls kill. Always. The only time they don't kill is when the attack is somehow stopped. So spare me the stories about a Golden Retriever who bit someone you know. I'll bet any amount of money the victim didn't DIE! Or wasn't so severely mauled that they were disfigured and handicapped for the rest of their life.

This blog post says it better than I can. I'm so worked up about the insanity of people who defend these dogs that all I can do is swear.

Okay...deep breathing...deep breathing...in with good...out with the bad...

Issue #2.

Oh shit...here I go again.

Fat. Overweight. Big-boned.

I don't care.

Honestly, I don't care. If you want to be overweight, go for it. It makes no never mind to me. But please for the love of SCIENCE! and REASON! do NOT tell me that you can't lose weight. I am sick to fucking death of people saying shit like that and no one calls them on it. We all just politely nod our heads -- IN SYMPATHY!!! What the hell is wrong with people?

If you're fat, you're fat because you choose to eat more than you need. Period. It is a calorie in, calorie used or stored BASIC FUCKING FACT!

So just shut up about it. I've never brought up a person's weight in my entire life. It is none of my business and I could honestly not care less -- until you start in with the excuses and expect me to afford you victim status instead of pointing out that you simply don't want to change your life enough to lose the weight. Fine. Because that's the truth. Anyone who isn't disabled or taking Prednisone can lose weight. Just put down the donut and go for a walk. Every day. For the rest of your life.

If you don't want to do that, I understand. Just do not expect me to agree that you "can't lose weight." Let's all just decide to either tell the truth or shut the hell up with the excuses and bids for pity or sympathy. I have been thin for most of my life. But there were a couple of periods where I gained weight. And every single time it was because I stopped being active and ate whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. I didn't like it, so I changed my habits and lost the weight. It's not easy, but it is simple.

Honest to GOD! I was listening to a table of women who were all over 250 lbs sitting around talking to each other about how to lose weight. Obviously not a single one of them knew jack shit about how to lose weight. They were all morbidly obese. Notice that really heavy people NEVER ask a thin person how to lose weight. Never. They don't want honest answers. They want to sit around and confirm each others' delusions that "it's impossible." One woman actually said, "Diets and exercise don't work." I kid you not. Another said she lost the most weight on what she called the "Snickers and Coke" diet. I almost busted out laughing. She explained that she would go until she was starving and then eat a Snickers and have a Coke. And they were all nodding to this like it was wisdom from Oprah. I am still trying to get the memory of this level of stupidity out of my mind.

That's it. I'm done.

No, I'm not.

One of the biggest bullshit reasons that women make for weight gain is pregnancy. Okay, yes, WHILE you're pregnant you should gain weight to feed the growing bambino. But AFTER you give birth you aren't somehow disfigured and physically unable to get back to your pre-baby size -- FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Jeebus, women. Are you seriously kidding me? And let's remember that for most women, pregnancy happens when you are fairly young. So we're all supposed to believe that a young woman goes through a perfectly normal event like pregnancy and that's it, she'll never be the same again. Un-fucking-believable. If you can't lose weight and get fit at 25, you're just not even trying.

And again, I don't CARE if you don't want to do the heavy lifting it takes to get fit and/or lose weight. Just do not tell me it is impossible. Do. Not.

So now I need a drink.

Racist jokes are racist.

This joke is as inexcusably racist as they come. And I should be ashamed of myself for posting it. (....sad face....)

I am so exquisitely aware of my offensive and utterly despicable racism that I am able to understand the undertones and nuances and insinuations and unspoken assumptions that swirl around me all day like a bowl of gooey, lovely melted cheese with just a hint of jalapeno, roasted of course, peeking out, alongside a big bowl of warm chips. YUM!

But I am utterly unable to overcome my inherent, white privilege based racism.

Where's my margarita?

I have to give the nod to Rachel Lucas for finding this rare gem of blatant racism and exposing it. This is exactly the kind of subtle messaging that our public educators are right now being taught to recognize at Very Important Conferences.

But you can't see it, no doubt. You simply think this is hysterical. You are probably still laughing.

You are a horrible person.

Let me decipher the underlying racism for you white privileged 'tards.

1. The "people" in this little gem of a video are symbolized as tortilla chips. Dehumanizing. Straight up.
2. They are playing with a red ball. RED. Mexicans like bright, primary colors. Everyone knows that. Just go to any Mexican restaurant. Red everywhere. 'Nuff said.
3. One chip uses a knife. All of us "white privileged" racists KNOW Mexican kids carry knives. 
4. Do I even need to mention that the entire joke is about their language? I think not. 
5. When one chip is stabbed, he bleeds nacho cheese sauce. See #1.
6. This stabbing was over an issue of "fairness", which we all know is at the very heart of racism. White privileged 'tards are never fair, onacounta we are privileged. We crash through our lives wrecking everyone else's good time by being so privileged that we don't realize or don't care that all the good things in life are simply handed to us (after they are denied to others) because of our privilege.  
7. Privilege means the game is rigged and the only way to make it fair is to let the privileged politicians shove everyone around so that no one anywhere ever feels that someone else is getting a better deal than their crappy deal.
8. Oh...and there's nothing you can do about it. Racism is a lifetime prison sentence. All you can do is become a victim if you're lucky enough to be a member of an oppressed class. If you're one of the hateful white privileged racists, you are going to get it -- good and hard -- and there will never be a time when you've made sufficient restitution for your repugnant racism. Never. As long as you have white skin, you're guilty and you're bad and you're a hater filled with hatred.

So stop laughing, you racist. You should not be laughing. No....! Don't watch it again!

Oh for crap's sake!

Trey's New Prey

Trey Gowdy, undefeated prosecutor, shows the MSM what a pair looks like.

HAHAHAHA!

Who knew when The Honorable Mr. Gowdy began investigating Benghazi that he would turn his headlights on the idiots in the crowd? I'm certain the press never believed for a moment that anyone would ever hold THEM accountable for NOT DOING THEIR JOB. The press, those unbiased, fact-chasing watchdogs who were SUPPOSED to have been uncovering SOME of the massive, illegal, corrupt, butt-covering craziness in the Obama White House.

If the Benghazi investigation takes down the White House press corps along with the White House, that will make my day week month fucking lifetime!

Or is it corpse? White House press corpse? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Either way, they're dead.



HT: Political Ears

Wait for it...

That little guy read the story about nice guys finishing last...and hungry!

Best Birthday Present EVAH!

It takes a girlfriend...a very close and very long-time girlfriend to peg you with the most befitting present of anyone. Husbands, bless their hearts, give presents intended to show appreciation. Kids give you presents that generally have to do with your job as mom. But a girlfriend will give you a present because it made her laugh because it is just so perfect.

Behold. The notepad of my exasperation with the stupid.

I will be sprinkling these around...you can count on it.

I want both.

Actually, the way I see it, NOTHING in life is free, certainly not the best things. They are the most expensive because they demand payment not in money but in personal behavior...often sacrifice. The best things are love, commitment, loyalty, respect (OOPS! rspect...sorry!), kindness..and the list goes on. All these "things" require that you make an effort. That is very expensive.

But spending bucket loads of money on me doesn't hurt either, and it always makes me very, very agreeable.

THIS is how you celebrate a birthday.

Like a freaking CONQUEROR! 

Thanks, RG! This is superb.

Even GOOGLE is celebrating.

Honestly, I try to be modest and to assume that no one cares especially, but look at this:

Even GOOGLE is celebrating my birthday. Happy me!

I live for coincidences. They are the only things that bring meaning to my life....It's like reading your future in tea leaves. Shit can mean anything you want it to.

Let everybody eat cake!!