Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Political Theater in the Cornfields of America.

Political theater has always been a spectator sport in America. Watching politicians carry on, take up air time, posture and pose, or simply doze..has provided numerous humorists and comedians with ripe, almost fetid, fodder. Politics in America, while often hilariously stupid, always ineffective, and, at times, borderline retarded, have nevertheless been historically characterized by a certain benign incompetence that left the citizens of this great nation free to carry on, improving their lives, fixing government's mistakes, and generally remaining optimistic and generous.

But no longer.

This is the Age of Obama. This is when we must finally learn our lesson, and Obama is going to teach it to us. This is when we must understand at long last that we didn't build that, and if we did, we've made enough money at some point anyway, so much money, in fact, that it is better for everyone if Obama is allowed to spread the wealth around and if we are uppity enough to disagree with this, Obama has instructed his followers to get in our faces or to bring a gun to our little knife fight. It is the Age of Obama, where laws are absolute to citizens, but amazingly fluid to our Beloved Leader and his friends; where belief in the Constitution is tantamount to terrorism and standing on principle is considered arson.

I've got a match and some lighter fluid right here.

Now we are threatened with what will most likely amount to the paid vacation of 800,000 federal employees. This is outrageous! How are we to cope? Our overlords have been released from their desks, dismissed from their endless and unproductive meetings, removed from the halls of power, sent home to put their feet up and have a little down time.

And we are supposed to feel the pain.

And Obama is determined to make sure we do. Like a good parent, he is willing to watch us suffer to help us learn this most valuable lesson.


Of course, the important thing to remember is that all the bad things that are happening are not Obama's fault. They are the fault of those who don't want to accept his benevolence. He wouldn't do these bad things if only Republicans would bow and scrape and accept whatever he wishes.

But the Bad Republicans are making Obama do bad things because the Bad Republicans are thinking bad thoughts about him. The Bad Republicans don't like his policies because they are racist and ungrateful and just plain stupid. The Bad Republicans are predicting that Obama's Most Awesome Affordable Care Act will not only be less than affordable, they are insisting that people don't even want it. Of course the Bad Republicans are lying. Everyone LOVES Obamacare. Why, there have only been a few...well...a couple...okay...thousands of waivers and exemptions allowed, but only to Obama's closest friends who said, "Thank you VERY much, really, honestly, but we'd prefer not to be covered by your most excellent law." And Obama said, "Sure. We're buds."

And then Congress, the ones who helped Obama write this most excellent law, said, "Oh, hey, yeah...we LOVE's positively HISTORIC...but actually, we'd rather not have to participate either. Think you could fix that for us, big guy?"

And Obama said, "Sure. Why not?"

It's like listening to Kenny.
So now the Bad Republicans are saying that the American people Very Bad Teabaggers are simply asking the same favor, but Obama says the Bad Republicans and the Very Bad Teabaggers are in danger of destroying the entire country with a shutdown because they are willfully doing this just to be mean and because they are racist. So the Bad Republicans are listening to the Very Bad Teabaggers, although with their mouths full all the time, who can tell what they're saying? But even so, the Bad Republicans are willing to destroy the entire country on the crazed mumblings of a group of Very Bad Teabaggers extremist terrorists who should definitely be sent to the cornfield.


  1. And the moral of the story is: When somebody points a finger to turn you into a monster, you don't have much time so you should immediately step forward and break it off.

    1. And then beat the little shit into the ground.