A nun walked into the Mother Superior's office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh heavy with frustration.
'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'
'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'
'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not totally relaxing?'
'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'
'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'
'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden green....and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'
'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'
'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'
'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.
'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'
'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.
'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
'You missed the fuckin' putt, didn't you?'
Bahahaha! An oldie but a goodie.
ReplyDeleteHaving played golf myself I find it extra funny.
I know. I never played golf, but golf jokes are always the best.
DeleteI just needed to post something today to make me laugh, so I reached back into the archives and found this.
It's just a little chuckle, but it was just what the doctor ordered.
Hah! You probably shouldn't tempt me with old jokes though. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL.
ReplyDeleteObama goes to cash a check. Has no photo ID. Bank says their policy is to allow customers a chance to prove their identity: Tiger Woods was in, made a putt the length of the room, thus was allowed to cash his check. Can Obama do something to prove his identity? Obama says: "No one told me about this policy. I am just now learning of it. I know nothing about it." Bank clerk says: "Do you want that in twenties or hundreds?"
Oh, the jokes from pastoral times...
ReplyDeleteTake the giggles and laughs wherever you can right now, sister. I love this nun joke by the way. This is the first time I've heard it and I truly did laugh out loud at the punchline.
ReplyDeletegcotharn - hahahahaha! That one, too.
A smart guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey."
ReplyDeleteThe robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about quantum physics, string theory, and the Hanseatic League.
The guy leaves, but he's curious about how the robot is programmed. So he goes back into the bar, orders a whiskey, and when the robot asks him what his IQ is, he says "100."
The robot starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser, and the LSU Tigers, with real passion and insight.
The guy leaves, but can't resist the temptation to try it one more time. He goes back into the bar and orders a whiskey.
The robot brings him his whiskey and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 62."
The robot leans in real close, enunciating every word carefully, "So . . you people . . still happy . . with Obama?"
Patrickhenry, hadn't heard that one before.
ReplyDeleteIt had me on the floor!
Thank you -- EVERYONE -- for jumping in with jokes and HAHA's. You have all become dear friends. I really have needed the laughs and smiles.
ReplyDeleteOn Sunday morning my darling dog passed away from heart failure. I am not going to post about it because it's just too raw and personal and difficult for me. So I'm just going to let you dear friends know here in this comment thread.
He was the best little dog in the whole world. I miss him terribly.
Well...damn. I'm sorry to hear that. Hang in there, I'll be thinking about you. {{{}}}
DeleteI am sorry for your loss, I truly am. I hope the healing comes soon.
Delete" The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
- Mark Twain's Letter to W. D. Howells, April 2, 1899
Thank you, RG and Og. Your concern and kind words mean alot to me. And you're right, Og, I want to go to my dog's heaven. But, honestly, I don't know if I'm a good enough person to get in. :)
DeleteBring bacon, they're bound to let you in if you've got bacon.
DeleteAw hell, Buttercup, sorry to hear this. I hope the pain eases sooner rather than later.
DeleteOh, so sorry. It is so unfair that dog's life is so much shorter than (wo)man's. My deep sympathy, Buttercup.
DeleteT