Sunday, February 23, 2014

Why I Vote Democrat!

I vote Democrat because I believe it's okay if our federal government borrows $85 Billion every single month.

I vote Democrat because I care about the children ... but saddling them with trillions of dollars of debt to pay for my bloated leftist government is okay.

I vote Democrat because I believe it's better to pay billions of dollars to people who hate us rather than drill for our own oil, because it might upset some endangered beetle or gopher.

I vote Democrat because I believe it is okay if liberal activist judges rewrite the Constitution to suit some fringe kooks, who would otherwise never get their agenda past the voters.

I vote Democrat because I believe that corporate America should not be allowed to make profits for themselves or their shareholders. They need to break even and give the rest to the federal government for redistribution.

I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted, so long as we keep all of the murderers on death row alive.

I vote Democrat because I believe it's okay if my Nobel Peace Prize winning President uses drones to assassinate people, as long as we don't use torture.

I vote Democrat because I believe people, who can't accurately tell us if it will rain on Friday, can predict the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Chevy Volt.

I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is not as important as preventing people from being offended.

I vote Democrat because I believe the oil companies' profit of 3% on a gallon of gas is obscene, but the federal government taxing that same gallon of gas at 15% isn't obscene.

I vote Democrat because I believe a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority ..... but sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are all values-neutral.

I vote Democrat because I agonize over threats to the natural environment from CO2, acid rain and toxic waste ..... but I am totally oblivious of the threats to our social environment from pornography, promiscuity and family dissolution.

I vote Democrat because I believe lazy, uneducated stoners should have just as big a say in running our country as entrepreneurs who risk everything and work 70 hours per week.

I vote Democrat because I don't like guns ..... so no one else should be allowed to own one.

I vote Democrat because I see absolutely no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy.

I vote Democrat because I see absolutely no correlation between judicial leniency and surging crime rates.

I vote Democrat because I believe you don't need an ID to vote but you do to buy beer.

I vote Democrat because I believe marriage is obsolete, except for homosexuals.

I vote Democrat because I think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.

I vote Democrat because I think "fairness" is far more important than freedom.

I vote Democrat because I think an "equal outcome" is far more important than equal opportunity.

I vote Democrat because I would rather have free stuff than freedom.


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This is a great list which, I must admit, I flagrantly and without remorse stole off a comment thread from someone else who claimed they stole it from another Yahoo commenter. So, the way I see it, I didn't steal it...I just received stolen goods. I think that's safe, isn't it? It doesn't make me a lying, cheating, stealing Democrat to post it, does it?

HAHAHA! 



12 comments:

  1. Nah, it's not stealing. It's redistributing. Democrats love that, so you're good.

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    1. Excellent point, my good man. I'll use that if anyone comes knocking at my blog door accusing me of lifting this without credit. What HE said! :)

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  2. "I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted, so long as we keep all of the murderers on death row alive.

    I vote Democrat because I believe it's okay if my Nobel Peace Prize winning President uses drones to assassinate people, as long as we don't use torture."

    It's *that* kind of 'logic' that makes me go crosseyed..

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    1. Or that my Nobel Peace Prize winning President who promised the most transparent administration in history is caught spying ON EVERYONE! except for mosques because it's for our safety. Or signed into law the NDAA so that he could just arrest you FOR EVER, should he feel like it...as long as he releases the prisoners from Guantanamo.

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    1. How you doing BTW? Been worried you were gone so long.

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    2. Thanks for asking! I'm fine...it's just that we've been moving our corporate offices to another location (a location we had to have remodeled to our specifications...so had to oversee that) and lots of basic stuff that keep the lights on and the bills paid. However, I've been comforted through the long hours and stressful decisions by remembering the wisdom and humility of our Beloved Leader who told all of us entrepreneurs, "You didn’t get there on your own. I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else. Let me tell you something — there are a whole bunch of hardworking people out there." (Applause.)

      "If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen."


      Yup...when my husband and I work until 11 or 12 midnight, get up again at 5:00 a.m., meet with bankers for loans, worry over how we will make things work and still be able to give our Office Manager a much deserved raise, I remind myself that I didn't build this company and my gratitude should be bottomless for the generosity of Mother Government and her Elves. I sleep better knowing this.

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  4. I vote Democrat because I believe the Declaration of Independence is unconstitutional, what with its claim that the purpose of government is to protect God-given rights.

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    1. Gagdad Bob!!! Of One Cosmos fame!!! Wow!! Just WOW! You have no idea how much I love your writing. I am a world-class lurker...especially at your site as it is so incredibly insightful that there is no way I'm going to throw in my 2 sense (ha!) Thanks for stopping by! I can't believe it. Wait until I tell my husband. I am always following him around the house to read you to him. He loves your writing, too!

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    2. Lucky! I wish some legendary figure would comment on my site.

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