But, alas, we do it anyway.
So not too long ago we did just that and we saw that when catastrophe struck -- at the very moment when it was playing out in real time and no one could possibly know what it all meant or how terrible it would finally be -- a Republican president sought to maintain his composure and calmly continued reading to little innocent schoolchildren instead of jumping up and screaming, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
That's because he is evil and doesn't care about children, of course. If he cared, he would have reacted immediately, screaming and shouting, jumping up and down and flapping his arms. He would have scared the living shit out of those little kids. Because he cared.
So the tale of President Bush and the reading of "My Pet Goat" became proof positive of the undeniable truth that Bush was stupid and evil and bad and stupid and evil...and bad.
Bush was Nero. Bush was Nero because he didn't instantly run screaming from the room. Bush was Nero because he took in unbelievably horrifying information and, while trying to process it, retained the presence of mind to not scare the little kids.
American certainly learned her lesson with that loon. So we elected someone who really cares...someone who is kind and intelligent and good. Really good. Like better-than-the-rest-of-us good. We elected
Very, very good.
Because we'd learned our lesson about those uncaring Republicans caught reading children's stories at the very moment of an unexpected crisis.
Now we have a president who helps us all deal with what "may be a terrible tragedy" by talking to us as if we're children and barely mentioning it at all lest it detract from his prepared speech about evil Republicans and doing whatever the hell he wants at any given moment.
Remember Fort Hood? Obama handled that with the depth of character that only a Democrat can manage.
The extraordinary display of emotion over a stunning loss of American life by an Islamic terrorist can only serve to comfort and reassure all Americans that this -- THIS -- president cares for us all. Sort of.
Or there was the amazing courage he showed during the Benghazi attack as he managed to buck up under the horror of watching brave men fight for hours before succumbing to overwhelming forces, unaided and abandoned, so that he could continue to pack for his Vegas trip to party with Beyonce and Jay-Z...and even get a good night's sleep.
That takes real strength of character. Few among us could have done that.
And let's not forget about how proactive and relevant he proved to be during the Iranian election crisis when pro-freedom forces were pushing back against the oppressive regime of the mullahs, and, while being slaughtered with machetes in the streets, were begging America for support. He was able to sum the whole thing up as "a vigorous debate." And decided that he mustn't get involved with the democratic process.
That takes real smarts.
I don't know a single Republican who would have seen through all the mayhem of those weeks and deduced it down to its simplest truth like that.
Believe me, folks, we've got ourselves a real president who understands how to