Saturday, August 31, 2013

Idaho...making all the other states irrelevant.

So there!


The best of the best. If you're from Idaho, these will make perfect sense.

  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
  • Vacation means going to Boise.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car.
  • You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town I wanna go with."
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
  • You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
  • You know several people who have hit a deer.
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  • You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
  • You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
  • You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  • Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
  • Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
  • You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
  • You've never met a celebrity.
  • You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
  • A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.
  • Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list.
  • Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
  • In March your vehicle is 43% mud.
  • In the spring every tenth car you pass is a tractor.
  • Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle's "jocky box."
  • When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat.
  • Yellow light means "follow the car in front of you no matter what."
  • You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough.
  • You can see the stars at night.
  • You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day.
  • You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there.
  • You slept through the night unawakened by a siren.
  • You talk about a combine and people don't wonder what you are putting together.
  • You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck.
  • During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.
  • You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. 

  • Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do.
  • Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic.
  • You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
  • You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.
  • The local gas station sells live bait.
  • You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.
  • You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
  • When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.
  • You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
  • You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.
  • Using the elevator involves a grain truck.
  • Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.
  • You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
  • You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
  • Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
  • You know cow pies aren't made of beef.
  • You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
  • You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.
  • You wear your boots to church.
  • Your main drag in town is two blocks long.
  • Anyone has ever not believed you about why there are 8-foot tall poles with reflectors along the side of the road.
  • The term "logging truck" makes you jumpy.
  • When someone says 'panhandle' you think of the long drive.
  • When the magazine mentions in trivia that only one state capital can be written in upside down numbers on a calculator, you get it right the first time: 35108.
  • You commonly pronounce French terms and names in a manner that would make a Parisian declare war (Dubois: Dew Boysss)(Coeur d'Alene: Core-Dah-Layne)
  • You've driven anything that was wider than the road you were on...and it was a paved road.
  • You've ever driven a car on the freeway at age 14...legally.
  • You've ever seen a rodeo bull clear a six-foot fence.
  • You've ever used the idiom 'sittin' there' to describe activity: 'I was just sittin' there, runnin' down the road....'
  • You've ever written 'rodeo clown' on any form containing the words: Work History; Previous Employment; Educational Background; Personal Fitness Plan or Business Loan Application.
  • You've caught 'rainbow' trout that were all one color.
  • You've ever yielded right of way to one of the following: a horseback rider, sheep, cattle, a brush fire, a logging truck or a windblown grain silo.
  • You've been in states that are smaller than the county you grew up in.
  • You've ever received skis for Christmas, and used them Christmas morning skiing off of the roof.
  • Anyone has ever not believed you about why there are 5 parallel stripes painted across the road at the freeway onramp.
  • You know what a finger steak is. (and no, it's not obscene)
  • You've ever given a snow shovel or an ice scraper as a gift...and not as a joke.
  • You've seen snow in every month of the year.
  • You've shoveled snow in anything you would not consider to be 'winter' conditions.
  • You prefer to ski at the place it takes chains on snow tires to get to because any place the snowplows can reach is as crowded as the beer tent at the rodeo.
  • You have ever used the 'Above 3500 feet' directions in cooking instructions.
  • The name "Galena Summit" makes you worry about the state of your brakes.
  • When you see or hear the words 'Logging Road' you automatically drive on the shoulder.
  • Considers the description, "Excessive annual rainfall" to be impossible, no matter where.
  • Knows 591 hunting and fishing stories, but when conversation turns to the office humor, must resort to quoting Dilbert.
  • Knows the difference between a jack rabbit and a jackalope and will gladly take an out-of-stater hunting for either.
  • The rattling sound of a dried seed pod along the trail will produce Olympic class broad jumps on a moment's notice.
  • Knows where sugar comes from ......... but is a little bewildered by the term "cane sugar."

  1. You went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
  2. You used to drag or lap "main"
  3. You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour
  4. You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't
  5. The only way to date someone from another school was to date someone from out of town
  6. It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town
  7. The whole school went to the same party after graduation
  8. You don't give directions by street names or numbers ("Turn by Nelson's house, go to 2 blocks east to Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track")
  9. You give directions by buildings that burned down (...left at Nelson's Old Barn...)
  10. ....esp. if they burned down before you were born
  11. You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend or girlfriend
  12. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason
  13. Anyone you want can be found at the local gas station, cafe or the town pub
  14. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends drives a grain truck to school occasionally
  15. The gym teacher suggest you bail hay for the summer to get stronger
  16. Directions are given using THE stop light as a reference
  17. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you want a ride somewhere
  18. Your teachers call you by your older sibling's names
  19. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents
  20. You can charge at all the local stores or write checks without any ID
  21. You've peed in a hayfield.
  22. You have more than one story that involves an electric fence.

  • ...if you can say "Grand Tetons" (French for "big boobs") with a straight face.
  • ...if "just down the road a bit" means an 80-mile drive - one way.
  • ...if mailbox vandalism makes the front page of the newspaper.
  • That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at got more exercise before breakfast than you'll get all week at the gym.
  • It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have four-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive it or get it out of the way.
  • We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
  • Any references to "spud fed" when talking about our women will get your butt our women.
  • Pull your pants up and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
  • If that cell phone rings while a heard of deer are making their approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
  • No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
  • You bring Coke into my house it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
  • So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
  • Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
  • They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Don't like it? Interstates 64, 95, and 81 go two ways---get on one of them.
  • "The Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday.
  • So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
  • Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards, though; it spooks the fish.
  • And, That's Idaho! Welcome.

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