51 Ways to Leave Your Lover

51. Have her executed for making a sex tape.

BOOM!

Kim Jong-un's Ex-Girlfriend 'Shot by Firing Squad'

Kim Jong-un's ex-girlfriend was among a dozen well-known North Korean performers who were executed by firing squad on Aug. 20, reports said Wednesday.

Sources in China said singer Hyon Song-wol as well as Mun Kyong-jin, head of the Unhasu Orchestra, were arrested on Aug. 17 for violating North Korean laws against pornography and were executed in public three days later.

The victims of the atrocity were members of the Unhasu Orchestra as well as singers, musicians and dancers with the Wangjaesan Light Music Band.

They were accused of videotaping themselves having sex and selling the videos. The tapes have apparently gone on sale in China as well.

A source said some allegedly had Bibles in their possession, and all were treated as political dissidents.

What are the odds that she was set up? 

Kim met Hyon about a decade ago, before either of them was married. But he was later ordered to break off the relationship by his father Kim Jong-il and she married a soldier. Since then there have been rumors that the two were having an affair.

Kim's wife Ri Sol-ju was also a member of the Unhasu Orchestra before she married him. Whether she had any hand in the executions is unclear. The Unhasu Orchestra and Wangjaesan Light Music Band have apparently been disbanded due to the latest scandal.

"They were executed with machine guns while the key members of the Unhasu Orchestra, Wangjaesan Light Band and Moranbong Band as well as the families of the victims looked on," the source said.

The source added that all of the families of the executed appear to have been sent to prison camps under North Korea's barbaric principle of guilt by association.

Well, that is certainly an effective way to silence any witnesses who might protest that you just had your girlfriend shot to keep things cozy at home. Kill her and eleven others, and force their families to watch, then ship them off to prison camps. Nice and tidy. President Peace Prize probably really envies little Kimmy now. Unfortunately Our Beloved Leader is "constrained by a system the Founders put in place." It would have been so much more convenient to be able to arrest, try and execute the survivors of Benghazi for, say, desertion or some other trumped up charge, instead of having to monitor them day and night, poly-graph them every month, and ship them around the country in witness protection programs so Congress can't find them and force them to testify.

And don't even get me started on the Seal Team Six being shot out of the air after the  Bin Laden raid. THAT little operation was probably a logistical nightmare. Think of the headaches, the planning, the risk. Who knew if the damned Afghans could get the job done? If only Dear Leader could just have had them all shot.

It's not easy being president. It would be so much easier being king. Or emperor. But he's not and that's a problem, or so he says.