Thursday, December 12, 2013

Flat-backing for weeks and no money to show for it.

As much as this pains me, and believe me, it does, I have reached the point where (a) I am acutely aware that I either need to write SOMETHING to explain my absence and quell the curiosity of my three loyal readers, or (b) simply stop blogging altogether and slip away into obscurity...you know...the place where I came from originally.

So, I'm writing. I know, y'all were crossing your fingers it was going to be (b), even as you were actually reading this post which clearly nullifies (b), but hope does spring eternal, as they say.

I haven't been blogging because just before Thanksgiving I threw out my back. And sitting in front of the computer long enough to write something -- and even more importantly -- to read enough political crap to have something interesting to write about is excruciating.

Years ago, when I was young and stupid,  I took a fall over a cross country fence. I was hopped up on adrenaline and so jumped back on and finished the course. Later that night my back started giving me trouble, but stadium was the next day and I hadn't scheduled an injury, so I ignored it. I made it through the competition with no real damage, it seemed. It's great to be young.

But years later, when I was in my thirties, I came off a cranky bitch of a mare who decided that Tuesday wasn't her day to be ridden...or was it Thursday? Whatever...she was pretty adamant that day wasn't good for her. I eventually ended up flat out in the arena while she did pirouettes and caprioles around me in sheer, spiteful joy. Never one to know when to quit, I caught her and got back on, riding her for another 45 minutes just to show her who was boss.

I won, but it cost me my back.

By the time I had untacked her and put her away, I could barely walk to my car. The injury to my back was in the same spot as the earlier one and I have always thought it "helped" make it all so much worse. I could not even move my right leg when I tried to climb behind the steering wheel. I was forced to drive home by using my left foot for both the accelerator and the brake, shoving my right leg out to the side over the gear shift. When I finally arrived in my driveway my husband was home (THANK GOD!) and I sat there, honking the horn, until he came out to investigate. He had to carry me into the house. And there I remained for two weeks, flat out on my back.

I eventually healed and went back to riding, swearing, and shoveling horse manure like nothing had happened, but every so often, if I am not RELIGIOUS about doing yoga and Pilates, my back will go out -- especially if I am sitting for long periods and/or doing hard physical labor. Or both.

This fall contained a heaping helping of both. It seemed for months I had been schizophrenically caught in a schedule that was either completely inactive in front of a computer or was suddenly and without respite demanding I work like an illegal immigrant on a California farm.

So one morning I merely reached out to pull my laptop onto my lap...and that was it. It was all over but the shouting. And, believe me, there was plenty of shouting. And screaming. And lots and lots of swearing. None of which made anything even slightly better.

However, eventually there were sweet, sweet little pills which were kick ass and utterly necessary because we were on a plane two days later to visit relatives for Thanksgiving.  I made it through the holiday because I had my lovely little Vicodin every four hours, which I named Vicky because "she" was FABULOUS! and therefore needed a name, as well as a hot tub with my name on it fired up with the jets. Oh...and a signature Mai Tai, WITH an umbrella.

I was good.

Really, really good.

Now we are weeks past the injury, but I'm still "tender" in that I haven't toughened up like normal. If I sit for too long, my back screams at me just to let me know that we still aren't really on speaking terms; we're still yelling at each other. So I don't sit. And I don't read. And I don't write.

So, if I don't post again before Christmas:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!









25 comments:

  1. Ohhhh yes, I know that kind of back pain. You have my deepest sympathies on that score. Once you've ever done it in, every now and then it likes to come back again just to let you know it'll never really forgive you. :)

    It's just good to hear from you, and I hope it improves.

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    1. And somehow it seems even more maliciously evil when it decides to slam me for the holidays. Where's the love?

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  2. Aha! Thank goodness. That doesn't sound quite right, but I was getting worried that you weren't coming back. Back troubles suck, I strained mine in my 20's, not quite that bad or from doing anything that would make an interesting story though. Now, if I'm not careful it can go out at the drop of a hat. Hasn't happened in a year or so though. Knock wood.

    Take care of yourself and have a great Christmas. (hmm, 3 eh?)

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    1. I'll definitely knock wood for you. And cross my fingers. I wouldn't wish it on my worst....no...I take that back. I would LOVE to have Obama flat out...or so drugged up that Biden...oh...fuck...maybe not.

      HAHAHAHA! Oh well...it's Christmas. I should be more festively forgiving, shouldn't I? Not. Going. To. Happen.

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  3. Hang tough, young lady. Today is the youngest you'll ever be. Remember the secret - growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. Growing old ain't for sissies.
    I was lucky enough to have back problems amenable to a chiropractor's treatments. A slight stiffness is a sign I'd best stop what I'm doing. The light at the end of the tunnel isn't always an oncoming locomotive...

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    1. You sound like you are a whole lot smarter than I am. I knew I was pushing it with my back and I knew I wasn't doing my stretching, yoga, Pilates like I should...but I always think I'm invincible no matter how many times life shows me that I am pathetically feeble. HAHAHA! So when it went out I, besides the excruciating pain, I had the added fun of knowing that I damn well deserved every second of pain. Mega-watt stupid, that's me.

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  4. Ugh! Back pain is the worst as there's really no getting away from it. I hope you feel better soon.

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    1. Hey! Tuerqas! Is that you? Whassup?

      Merry Christmas!

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  5. Glad to see you again. Android tablets are cheap these days, sub $100, and you can get cheap or free voice recognition and brackets that allow you to lie on your back in bed and talk to type with very little arm/hand motion involved. I think I speak for everyone in saying that we would LOVE to hear your vicodin induced ramblings.

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    1. HAHAHA! I was so completely out of it most of the time that I would try to send Rachel voice memos and just end up giggling hysterically and never say anything that made any sense. I would then delete. Even I was embarrassed for myself and that's an accomplishment! Now I'm off the drugs...well...the prescription drugs...booze is still on the menu. It is the season for egg nog and I make mine with bourbon, cognac AND rum. YUMMY!

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    2. Reminds me I have to find which cook book of my mother's has the incredible egg nog recipe. The book is essentially teetotal, and then they make up for it entirely in this one recipe. Bourbon, brandy, and peach brandy. Yum.

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  6. I'm glad you're back. And, I feel your pain ... literally! With three discs in the cervical spine and three in the lumbar spine all deteriorating, it can be quite painful, whether standing, sitting, or lying down. All this means no backpacking, no rock climbing, no fencing, and barely being able to hobble to the corner and back for "exercise".
    I hope you don't give up blogging, because I like the oddball sense of humor that you show in many of your posts.
    To all you young fools out there, who won't believe me anyway, take care of your back when you are young, because if you don't, your back will f*** you up when you get older, just out of revenge.

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    1. Boy...aren't we all a fine bunch? Too many stories of back pain. Makes me hurt all over again. OUCH! I was a hellacious dumbass when I was a kid and now, as you say, my back is having a damn fine time f*&king me up. Oh well...more yoga. More Vicodin and more booze.

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  7. Ugh, that's what it is! I was worried you quit for good out of political disappointment..
    Buttercup - it looks like we, the commenters, all feel your pain, literally. I have my own history of stormy relationship with my back; I wrote a post of reminiscences just for you http://wp.me/paikC-33m.

    Please take care of yourself; good sportsmanship is great- but it is in conflict with our poor bodies. Get well and be careful!

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    1. I tried FOREVER to leave a comment at your blog post but couldn't make it work. ARRRRGGGH! So this is what I wrote:

      Oh MY! I am SOOOOOO sympathetic, sister! I feel your pain. That is exactly how it has been for me. Thankfully I am virtually over it...some minor vestiges of pain, but am riding again and back to almost normal. What I didn't go into was that the trip for Thanksgiving with me hopped on Vicodin and Mai Tai's
      necessitated that I "run" Thanksgiving because it was at my brother-in-law's and he has recently been divorced and so I'm now the "matriarch". That means I did all the work. So glad for drugs and booze. I felt like a Hollywood starlet! HAHAHAHA!


      I'll bet the wedding flowers were fabulous. I adore stephanotis, and green hydrangea is the most gorgeous chartreuse. Lovely!!

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    2. Oh, thank you for your gracious reply - especially precious as it's done through pain. And trust you always finding a silver lining to every lead-pained cloud: Hollywood starlet!
      Yeah, that's a great self-image to keep in mind for a rainy day. But let's not hurry there yet.
      Glad you're back into saddle, literally.

      Merry Christmas!
      [and I will look into issue with WordPress not recognizing you @my place]

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  8. My back is actually pretty good, though I do like to stress badly enough to pull my neck out of alignment without any external assistance. The X-ray the first time it happened was quite easy to read, even for the untrained, and it explained why we hadn't been able to find the nape of my neck when fitting a dress the previous month. But it did get me a lot of insurance-paid massage sessions (BC/BS back in the late 80s). Because, to quote my second chiropracter in Seattle, "I do all this wonderful work on your neck, and you pull it out completely in less than 24 hours".

    However, I do have a left shoulder and knee which aren't on speaking terms with me at the moment, and don't respond to pain meds, so I can relate, however distantly. And you can blame a horse for the shoulder. She bucked, I went off while clutching the reins in my left hand, and while I went straight down, she went off at a full gallop for the other end of the ring. I don't remember anything between irretrievably leaving the saddle and being on all fours in the sawdust realizing that I didn't need to look for my glasses because I could actually focus on the sawdust, and the instructor, having ascertained that I wasn't dead, was racing off to catch the horse while yelling back to me that it wasn't my fault.

    Which was when I realized just how bad it must have been, because it was *always* your fault if you parted ways with your mount.

    I got back on and finished the lesson, and then after we got home, my parents had to pry me out of the car because I was so stiff. I tore something in the pectoral area (you can still feel the scar tissue under the breast tissue after 35 years) probably rotator cuff related, and as with all connective tissue injuries, it likes to come back and remind me.

    Take it easy, we'll just keep checking back to see if you've felt up to posting, and Merry Christmas to you too!

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    1. Yes, it's is always your fault unless it's not. When it's not, it's usually REALLY not your fault. Horses can be assholes, just like any other animal, and when they are, they are 1200 lbs of asshole.

      I have a bum shoulder from having it pulled out of the socket by my Irish Wolfhound when we were playing a game of tug of war. But I don't bitch about that ache because my back is worse. HAHA! GAHHH! I hate being creaky. I don't have time for this shit.

      MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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    2. I gather I scared the *** out of my mother who was watching from the ring's viewing box; all she saw was me disappearing behind flying hooves. It was March, the horses were all skittish, and the horse behind us farted. It sounded like a shotgun blast and my horse lost it. Mother said it looked like a "sunfish", sort of bending, and twisting and rolling all at once, supposedly the hardest buck to sit according to rodeo folks. (All this according to my mother, because I know nothing about rodeo.) Besides probably wrenching the shoulder out of it's socket (I have *very* loose joints; I can roll the ball of the femur out of the socket at will) we think I must have landed on my back, just under the left shoulder blade, because I also had whiplash, and separated the ribs on the left from the sternum. Thankfully those healed. I separated the ribs on the other side in car accident 12 years later, (think where your seatbelt crosses your right ribs if you are driving, where the bone and cartilage meet) and even after 23 years, they still ache, sort of like having a permanently grumbley gall bladder. I had also braced on the wheel, so I sprained both wrists, and those like to re-sprain fairly easily too. On bad weather days, I have evil thoughts about the blonde bimbo driving the SUV that started the chain reaction I was at the front of.

      I figure my back hasn't decided to act up (yet) because the all the extremities and the ribs are doing such a great job on their own.

      Growing old isn't for wimps, but it beats the alternative. And I've rediscovered the base package store. They carry a nice (cheap) Marsala (should pick some up tomorrow) and a sweet Sicilian red by the bizarre name of "Goose Bump".

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  9. Og: "I think I speak for everyone in saying that we would LOVE to hear your vicodin induced ramblings."

    Indeed! :P

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    1. And a third here. Your ramblings, vicodin or not, will undoubtedly make more sense as well as being more entertaining than most of what is out there on the web, on TV, or pretty much anyplace else for that matter.

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  10. Welcome back, Buttercup. I missed your curmudgeonly grumbles.

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    1. The Vicodin and booze gave me the giggles and I could not care less what Obama or Reid or Biden or Boehner or McConnell were doing. Completely lost my curmudgeonly-ness. So nothing to write.

      I'm certain after the holidays I'll have my ol' bitchy and pissed off self back. HAHAHA!

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  11. Tell it, sister, tell it. I'm working through a back flare-up now as well. On the MRI, it looks someone removed my L5-S1 disc and jammed in a piece of roadkill. I never had any specific injury, at least that I'm aware of -- it seems to be genetic. And like so many back issues, it seems to be random. I can do squats and deadlifts without incident, then I reach over to grab my coffee cup and BAM!

    @og: "Android tablets are cheap these days". Yes, but Vicodin tablets are so worth it.

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    1. HOLY SHIT! Back pain sucks and genetic sucks even more. Sorry to hear that.

      And HAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! Vicodin tablets - "My little Vicki's" - are worth every penny. I honestly don't know how I would have made it without them. Sweet sweet lovely Vicki and a hard core Mai Tai without a whisper of fruit juice -- all rum and Cointreau -- and a hot tub. Cure just about anything. And if you're not cured, you don't care.

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