Speaking of laughing at scary stuff....

First, the laughter.

Heh...almost too true to be REALLY funny. I'm mostly just enjoying the hell out of the searing, wrenching, unicorn-decimating, teddy-bear-destroying PUMMELING the dreams of the moist-eyed liberals are taking. That's gotta hurt. And it's scary, too, huh...precious? Real life is scary for babies and widdle kiddies.

Here's just one example of how scary real life is going to be under Obamacare. BOO!

Healthcare.gov is awesome!

What a moron! I forgot to give this post a title. Now, I don't even really care...so there's your title. Whatever. SHEEEESH! How many letters are in stupid again?

**********************************

Peace Prize and his crack team of experts have just accomplished such a spectacular, mind-blowingly awesome healthcare launch to his HISTORIC legislation, the Affordable Care Act, that people are cheering in the streets and hugging each other with joy. They are honking their horns and waving blindly to strangers, each filled with an inexpressible desire to just connect, you know...to share this moment...to honor each others' stories...to be a part of...

Wait...what? That's not happening? The deuce, you say! So what IS happening? Jon Stewart has awakened to the hilarious -- and alarming -- reality.

As the saying goes, when you've lost Jon Stewart...

In Obama's case, he's not only lost Jon Stewart, he's now seriously cutting into his 47% hard deck of voters.   His approval rating has dropped to 44.5%. Consider, kittens, that this means this president is so god-awful that people who vote for a living don't like him. These are people who NEED government and even they are saying, "The guy stinks."

'Course, they will still vote for him. They might not like him, but he's still the only game in their town.

Say, "AAAAAAAHHH!"

Hoping this doesn't apply to one of my BFF's. Sorry, kitten, dental work is never fun.

Cannibalism, Zombies...And Now the Plague!

It just keeps getting better and better.

Rocky the Squirrel is now the carrier of the bubonic plague -- in LA! I suppose, if a plague had to break out in this country, that's not a bad place to start.

Plague found in squirrel prompts closures at Angeles National Forest

A discovery of plague has prompted campgrounds at Angeles National Forest in Los Angeles County to be closed down as officials investigate.

A squirrel captured in a trap on July 16 tested positive for the bubonic plague, CBS Los Angeles reported.

Twisted Arrow, Broken Blade and Pima Loops of the Table Mountain campgrounds have been closed since 1:00 p.m. Wednesday, according to the Los Angeles Times.

No people have been infected.

So, not even a very effective plague. And it can be treated easily with antibiotics...if caught in time. And by "in time" they mean within the first day or so. After that, you're either losing body parts or your life. The plague gets you in days. 

Where I live in Northern California we have more squirrels than people. I'm going to rig me up one of these today and have some fun.

 

Let's see if the little critters really can fly.

Guess not.

 

"When you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

Well, maybe not everybody.

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES. But necessary. Very, very necessary.

Despite its spectacular brutality, communism continues to exert its lure of something for nothing that has intoxicated man since Cain killed Abel. It appears that all we need to follow the next Pied Piper into the depths of hell is the promise of free healthcare.

Good luck with that.


H/T: American Thinker

Now that Obamacare is the law, this kind of tragedy should never happen again.

NEW TAX

Effective Jan 1, 2013, aspirin will be taxed under Obama's Affordable Care Act.  The explanation was that they are white and they work.

No other reason was given.


CODE!!!

And I don't care. When I read that it is racist to like white turkey meat, my head split completely in two like Zeus' and out leaped, fully clothed in armor, White Wonder Woman. And ALL bets are now off.

If everything is racist, then it might as well be funny. Because otherwise, it is merely tragic.

H/T: Moonbattery

Sandra Fluke nominated for Time's Person of the Year

Well, kittens, with Obama now firmly stationed in the White House for his last four years, the REAL crazy can finally slip past the velvet ropes and show itself to all of America.

"But I don't HAVE $10.00, people!"

She became the face for the pro-abortion movement during the 2012 elections and the laughingstock of pro-lifers for her relentless push to force Americans to pay for her birth control. College student Sandra Fluke has been nominated as a potential Person of the Year by Time Magazine.

Fluke is apparently unable to figure out how to purchase low-cost birth control from places like Target, Wal-Mart or her local pharmacy. Still, Time magazine felt she was qualified enough to include her with legitimate newsmakers and leaders who are significantly more deserving of the award and recognition.

The End Times are nigh. December 21 can't get here soon enough.

At the bottom of the article is a place to VOTE NO on Sandra's candidacy for Person of the Year, and the heh heh! funny of the article catapults into HAHAHAHAHA!

Because we haven't spent enough time worrying about Chris Matthews' sanity

It is Sunday morning and I believe we should all pray for Chris Matthews to be healed. Even better - let's just pray for him to shut up.

In watching this I am left to wonder if it is possible to script a more illustrative exchange of what crazy looks like (without a wink to the "broad" parody). Here we have an adoring, sycophantic commentator make the charming statement that one of the greatest womanizing misogynists of the current political landscape would know how to even f*&k Martians, if he landed on Mars. Even on Mars, kittens, Bill Clinton would know how to "do it with them. He would know how to reproduce." He's just that good.

For Democrats, this is humanizing. Screwing aliens.

How coyly amusing and utterly beguiling! Isn't that exactly what we want in a president? Someone who would "instinctively" know how to screw other life forms? Of course we do. If we were all as nuts as Chris Matthews. (For my part, I'm just relieved a Democrat might want to screw someone other than an American citizen for once.)

How much clearer can the contrast be between the Democratic party which embraces such a man of instinct and the Republicans who would refuse a woman her God-given state-sponsored right to screw that man right here on terra firma, saving him the trip to Mars? Who better to stand as a symbol against the Republicans' vicious and barbaric War on Women than a man who so supports a woman's right to choose "yes", that he never once allowed a woman to choose "no"? Because that would have been a blantant denial of her power and recognition as a woman. And Bill Clinton has always recognized women. When one considers that he even managed to find a way for Monica Lewinsky to express her feminine power before she received free birth control from the government, we can only admire his deep commitment to the rights of women.

Thank you, Mr. Matthews, for so eloquently reminding us all of Mr. Clinton's most impressive characteristic.

You crazy son of a bitch.

The Squid, the iPod and the Democrat -UPDATED WITH HIGH PRAISE!

Once there was a Democrat who believed with all her heart that the world should be a nice place. She wanted to live in a world where no one ever did anything bad and therefore no one ever experienced anything bad. A world where everyone would love one another and, just in case they didn't, a world where the government would be wise enough and kind enough and good enough and strong enough to make them love each other.

But because governments must inevitably be run by people, people who are likely to be as unwise and unkind and just plain icky as everyone else, people who are just as susceptible to greed and self-interest and corruption as those who elected them to thwart the greed and self-interest and corruption of those others who so desperately needed thwarting, it was decreed that all people elected to government would be instantly endowed with magical qualities of self-restraint, altruism, and moral imperturbability.

But the magic spell only worked on Democrats.

Everyone knew this. Everyone who was kind and decent and good and only wanted to love each other were Democrats.

It didn't work on Republicans.

They just made fun of everything. And they liked guns.

No matter how nice the Democrats were, no matter how tolerant or loving or generous, the Republicans were always angry, always trying to start a fight.

The Democrats did everything they could to get along with the Republicans, like burning the flag and marching in protests and sometimes breaking things, but only those things which belonged to nasty Republicans because then it wasn't unkind, it was instructive. Occasionally someone got carried away and tried to kill Republicans, but all the good Democrats insisted that they would not have done that if the Republicans weren't always so darned mean. And just to prove how mean the Republicans were, Republicans insisted that attempted murder was inexcusable and actually expected Democrats to get mad at the poor soul who just was trying to make a point.

But the Democrats never would because they knew that their higher moral ideals demanded understanding and sympathy for all those who struggled under the oppression of Republican bigotry. Getting angry at someone for trying to kill Republicans was narrow-minded and reactionary. However, the obvious over-reaction and anger from the Republicans at being murdered forced all good Democrats to be constantly aware of the inherent danger in the Republican viewpoint. A danger that could someday drive them to be violent. (Remember, they liked guns.)

So the good and kind and wise government put many, many Republicans on terrorist lists, just to be safe, not to be mean or anything.

So the world got nicer and nicer as the government got bigger and bigger and took care of more and more of the people, until one day the government said, "Hey, we're big enough now to give you LIFE! Or well....sort of."

And the good people, the Democrats, raised their arms and praised the heavens, knowing that their government was truly good, but the "sort of" part worried them a little. "What does that mean?" they asked.

"Well, it doesn't mean LIFE, exactly, it means more like we get to decide whether you live or die. And when."

"Oh," said the people, for this was a little less attractive than the whole giving LIFE idea.

"But don't worry!" the government assured them. "It won't cost you anything! And besides, the Republicans really WANT to kill you. In fact, if you've ever lost a job, it's because Republicans want you dead. We will only kill you if we have to."

"Yeah!" yelled all the Democrats. Because free is always good. And Republicans are always bad.

Then the nasty, mean, stingy, selfish stupid Republicans started asking questions and having "problems" with the idea of free stuff for everyone because they wanted people to die.

"How will we pay for this?" was the first stupid question and the Democrats knew they were just being selfish...and stupid....and selfish. And they were using math, which proved they had no hearts.

"The government will do it," they said over and over until they were blue in the face, but the Republicans never seemed to understand. The Republicans kept replying that the government was "us" and "we couldn't afford it" and stupid stuff like that.

Then the Republicans asked, "What if some of the choices you want to make regarding your health and this whole life and death thing are choices that I don't approve of? What then? Why should I be made to pay for what goes against my conscience?"

Then the good, kind Democrats knew that the Republicans were simply trying to be mean, mean, mean because everyone knows Republicans don't even HAVE a conscience.

"You just want to enslave women! This is a WAR ON WOMEN!!" the Democrats cried.

And the good, kind young Democrat girl heard the charges that the mean Republicans wanted to enslave her, to stop the government from helping her throughout her life with pretty much everything, and that they planned to throw her off a cliff when she became old, and she knew she would never vote for a Republican. She watched a slide show about another good, kind young Democrat named Julia, and she learned how wonderful and magical the world could be if only the Republicans would stop talking about conscience and money and stuff.

But if there was one place where the good, kind young Democrat believed that all decent people should agree, it was on the position of valuing life. Surely we could all find common ground on caring for others? she thought. Of course that didn't extend to a baby, let's just be clear on that. Everyone knew that denying women the right to decide with no restrictions at all when and why they would choose NOT to have a child, even if that choice was a trifle post-dated, was the same as enslavement and worse than the Taliban.

I am a baby. Aren't I a human being?

"Stay out of my body!" the young woman shouted righteously. "I have the right to do anything I wish. It's just a bunch of cells anyway!"

"So are you," replied the Republicans. "You're 'just a bunch of cells,' if you want to make that argument."

"You Republicans are religious nuts! You're anti-science! I'm not just a bunch of cells. I'm conscious. Awareness is the only marker of life's value!"

"And what is awareness? When does it begin? How do we measure it?" asked the mean, nasty Republicans. "Did you know squid like music? That they are 'aware' of it?"

"Shut up. I'm not a squid."

"No. We think they're nicer. And probably smarter."

Of course, Spongebob Squarepants was dancing with jelly fish years ago. He was a ground breaking scientist. And you thought I watched it because of the pictures and funny voices.

THE END (sort of...between Democrats and Republicans there's always more...)

I'v been linked at IMAO.US! Thanks, Harvey. You're a love.

Snake Is A Five Letter Word

So is cobra. But biting one to death is still stupid.

Farmer bites cobra to death in Nepal

A Nepali farmer who was bitten by a cobra in his rice paddy field has killed the snake by repeatedly biting it in return.

"A snake charmer told me that if a snake bites you, bite it until it is dead and nothing will happen to you," Mohammed Salmodin told the BBC. 

He has now been discharged from hospital where he was being treated for the snake bite.

*******

"When I realised that a snake had bit me, I went home to get a torch and saw that it was a cobra. So I bit it to death," he told BBC Nepali's Bikram Niraula in Biratnagar. 

After he bit the snake to death, Mr Salmodin said that he went about his daily business as if nothing had happened. He says he finally agreed to go to hospital after pressure from family, neighbours and police.

*******

However, guidelines issued by the UK's National Health Service say: 

• Remain calm
• Try to remember the snake's shape, size and colour
• Keep the bitten part of your body as still as possible to prevent the venom spreading
• Remove any jewellery or watches from the bitten limb as it may swell
• Do not attempt to remove any clothing, such as trousers
• Seek immediate medical attention

I think the NHS should update its list to include:

• Bite it back until it is dead.
• Go on about your business.

I'm sure advice like this could help the NHS cut costs enormously. If Obamacare starts issuing guidelines like this, we will know we have finally reached the zenith in multi-cultural acceptance and, in doing so, have expunged our white oppressor heritage that xenophobically insisted on science being the objective standard by which we sought to understand the world around us.

Unless, of course, PETA has a strong lobby.

The Solution to Our Medicare Crisis

With both sides arguing over who is going to kill Grandma and Grandpa first, I don't know why this idea hasn't been floated. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Combining America's love of sport with sound fiscal policy. It's a win-win.

Actually, this would produce a decided advantage for Democrats since they still vote even when they're dead.

Introducing Cutie Pie

The Daily Caller has put together a list of 10 things most people don't know about Paul Ryan. And no, 'Paul Ryan is a cutie pie' isn't one of the ten. We already know that.

1.) A PPP poll from July suggests Ryan could help Romney win Wisconsin. In a generic match-up between Romney and Obama, the poll showed Obama up six percentage points. But when Ryan was listed as Romney’s running mate, Ryan narrowed the gap for Romney by 5 percentage points, making it a 1 percentage point race in Obama’s favor.

2.) Ryan told Politico’s Mike Allen that his worst habit is that he drinks “two cups of coffee every morning.” Romney, whose Mormon religion forbids him from drinking coffee, will likely not be joining Ryan in his “vice” on the campaign trail.

3.) Ryan is best known for his conservative budget plan, “The Path to Prosperity.” The plan has passed the House of Representatives — albeit in slightly different iterations — the past two years with almost all Republicans and no Democrats voting for it. The plan drastically reforms Medicare and has been demagogued by the left — one liberal ad in 2011 even went so far as to depict a Ryan look-alike pushing an old lady off a cliff.


Read more....

Birth Control For EVERYONE!

Oh for God's sake, leave your damn clothes
on during the congressional hearings!

Today, August 1, Obamacare now requires that women's preventative healthcare be covered. 

Because it's not fair if any woman has to pay a DIME to f*&k around, even lovely and talented co-eds forking out over $40,000.00 for a year's tuition at Georgetown University.  I mean....come oooon! $40k is a lot of money. Did you also expect Miss Fluke to come up with any extra cash to pay for her own basic healthcare and entertainment needs? Are you kidding me?

Like many co-eds today, Miss Fluke enjoys a full and rich educational experience at one of our nation's finest universities, which encompasses more than just studies, and that costs money, kittens. From her own testimony, around $1,000.00 per year for healthcare/entertainment. That's some seriously FULL and RICH experience. But, as parents, we want our children to gain life experience at college, not just hit the books. Right? We want them to grow up and learn to be adults. Right? What better way than to have the government pick up all the costs of their playing house?

Riiiiiight.

Of course.

Here's the list of vitally necessary healthcare services now completely covered by the Obamacare mandate...errr...tax...aaahh...penalty...oh FFS...it's FREEEEE! And you worry about semantics? What are you, a conservative? Why do you care anyhow? You don't have sex. Shut up. Racist....I mean...misogynist. What the hell...you're undoubtedly both. Just shut up. We're all too busying f*&king around to listen to you anyway.

• Well-woman visits.
• Gestational diabetes screening that helps protect pregnant women from one of the most serious pregnancy-related diseases.
• Domestic and interpersonal violence screening and counseling.
• FDA-approved contraceptive methods, and contraceptive education and counseling.
• Breastfeeding support, supplies, and counseling.
• HPV DNA testing, for women 30 or older.
• Sexually transmitted infections counseling for sexually-active women.
• HIV screening and counseling for sexually-active women.

#7! In America women need help breastfeeding. Do they need help in Botswana? Seems a
little embarrassing that we need counseling, support and SUPPLIES in this country.

But it's all just wonderful! I mean, all this time I thought women were fighting for RESPECT and it turns out they were fighting to be sluts. Respectable sluts, mind you. That's progress for you. And they were fighting for their basic right to be taken care of by the government. That's progress, too. Because we all know that decisions that involve self-denial or personal accountability are UNFAIR and deny people their RIGHTS. So now women are FREE to act any way they damn well want and the rest of us are free to pay for it, because it's not a mandate...or a penalty...or a tax...oh shut UP! I'm getting really tired of your bitching about the Constitution and all that ancient nonsense written by a bunch of old dead white guys. What did they know about women's health? See? Can't answer that, can you? Go away.

Anyway, now that's it all free...pool party at my house! YEAH!

Respectable slut Barbies exercising their rights.

And for you gentleman who can't get laid, even by sluts, Obama hasn't forgotten you. You can find your healthcare needs at Home Depot.

There's an entire tool section there, too.

They Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth

Joan of Argghh! at Primordial Slack and Velociman at Velociworld review the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I have been struggling with whether I would write anything, as I really love the Olympic Games for the level of competition and the unique place they hold in history, but...DAMN! They are so right.

It must be said.

My daughter and I were equal parts quizzical, confused, hysterical and horrified as we watched. It was an S&M masturbatory orgy of self-flagellation that gave us the “story” of how Western man once lived in a bucolic paradise until he destroyed it with the industrial revolution and ruined everything, driving the people from the beautiful farms to the dirty, sordid cities where they lived desperate lives until government rescued them from the greedy capitalists (who had destroyed the planet and brought world wars in pursuit of profit) and gave them freeeeeeeee health care. We couldn’t decide whether to laugh, cry or puke.

 Behold! Paradise with fake clouds.  Everybody's happy in Paradise despite having to work their entire lives scratching out a living and dying young, broken and tired. They had cleaner air. 

And they danced a lot of virginal rites.

Then man's mind got busy and discovered ways to make things EASIER through the invention of machinery and industrialization and all bloody hell broke loose. What a disaster THAT was. People started enjoying free time, getting an education, and actually living longer.

But the government fixed that with the NHS. 

THE END

"You didn't earn that."

In fact, you got it on the come...and it not only never came, it skeedaddled out of town.


BIG H/T: Moonbattery

Cash For Clunkers

Grandpa's worth money!

In the Age of Obama, everything's a prize.  Isn't that wonderful?  Unless you happen to be the prize.

Oh, quit yer whining.  You ain't getting that hip operation anyway.

Actually, NOTHING liberals dream up is new.  This idea has been around forever!

"Only the weak need help."

"Scrubs" was a TV show about young doctors struggling through their residency at Sacred Heart Hospital.  Dr. Cox was the Residency Director in charge of making their lives miserable as payback for making him murderously frustrated.

I needed a Dr. Cox fix this morning.  I know how that sounds.  Don't.  Go.  There.

"Let me go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call 'Perry's Perspective.'

1. If someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can't decide what they want in the half hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them.
2. I'm fairly sure if they took p-o-r-n off the internet, there'd only be one website left and it would be called, 'Bring Back The P-O-R-N'.
3. And most importantly of all, the only way to be respected as a doctor, nay, respected as a man, is to be an island.  You are born alone, and you damn sure die alone -- isn't that right, Spike?  The point is, and you just might want to jot this down, only the weak need help."

"Die Quickly!"

Because if you don't, government medicine - in its infinite compassion - will starve you to death sloooooowly.

Hospitals 'letting patients die to save money’ 

Hospitals may be depriving elderly patients of food and drink to hasten their deaths as part of cost-cutting measures to free up bed space, leading doctors warn.

Tens of thousands of patients with terminal illnesses are placed on a “death pathway” to help end their lives every year. However, in a letter to The Daily Telegraph, six doctors warn that hospitals may be using the controversial scheme to reduce strain on hospital resources.

So I guess when Alan Grayson suggested the Republicans' plan was that you "die quickly", he was endorsing it.




Sorry!  Sorry!  Sorry! Forgot to hat tip where I found this!  My very very bad.

Found at Larwyn's Linx

Think of Schroedinger's Cat, except with a lobotomy.

The hilarious Iowahawk helps us non-scientists understand the complexity of the universe.

The landmark experiment in Quantum Rhetoric began early this week after legal particle cosmologist John Roberts published a paper in the Quarterly Journal of Tortured Logic that solved the long-debated Pelosi's Paradox in Universal Health Care Theory.

 "Pelosi's Paradox states that in order to find out what is in a health care bill, it would have to be passed," explained physicist Steven Hawking. "But in order to be a law it would have to be constitutional, which means someone would have to know what was in it, which would mean it couldn't have been a bill in the first place. Think of Schroedinger's Cat, except with a lobotomy."

 Put your thinking caps on, kittens.  He uses highly technical terms like "crap particles", "bullshit", and "beltosphere."  I know...I know...it was hard for me, too.

H/T:  Just One Minute