Friday, August 24, 2012
Just One Question
Can anyone tell me of one friend of President Obama's who is a really nice, normal person?
Just one.
I'll wait.
P.S. It's okay to throw in relatives, too. But then you're going to say George Obama, who really does seem like a decent chap, but I don't think he counts because Barack The Divine One, Savior and Protector of Us All doesn't like him much.
In fact, I don't think he likes George at all.
H/T: Scratching To Escape
Late to the Party...
This story surfaced a few days ago but I've been busy and didn't post anything about it. Busy? Too busy for blogging? INCONCEIVABLE!
Our Dear Beloved Leader, Smartest President Ever, Bestower of Roads and Bridges That We Didn't Build, Healer of Our Souls and Receder of the Waters, hasn't quite figured out how to spell one of the 57 states. But doesn't he have a cute smile?
For my money this is proof positive that this president is un-American. (Code) That he's not like us. (Code) That he is different. (Code) That he never watched Bugs Bunny as a kid. (CODE!)
Every single kid in America learned how to spell O-HI-O.
Ask him how to spell M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-P-P-I.
Code.
Our Dear Beloved Leader, Smartest President Ever, Bestower of Roads and Bridges That We Didn't Build, Healer of Our Souls and Receder of the Waters, hasn't quite figured out how to spell one of the 57 states. But doesn't he have a cute smile?
 |
| Sweetheart, you get the award just for showing up. |
For my money this is proof positive that this president is un-American. (Code) That he's not like us. (Code) That he is different. (Code) That he never watched Bugs Bunny as a kid. (CODE!)
Every single kid in America learned how to spell O-HI-O.
Ask him how to spell M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-P-P-I.
Code.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I'll Get Fat and You'll Get Drunk As We Go Our Separate Ways
Men tend to drink more when they get divorced, while women tend to eat more.
Duh.
Of course they had to do a study, because a study has never been done before so they didn't actually KNOW this. Let me go out on a limb and say it wasn't done before because everyone knew this.
But what about later in life and when marriages end, especially due to divorce? That's where the new study comes in.
Reczek and colleagues examined the results of U.S. surveys conducted in 1993 and 2004. They looked at just over 5,300 people (who were aged 53 and 54 in 1993) and tracked them over time. In addition, they interviewed 130 people directly.
***************
"We find that unmarried and divorced women actually drink less than their continuously married counterparts," she said. "For men, those who were recently divorced have the highest number of drinks and men who are married have the lower number."
For women, the average number of drinks per month was nine for those who were married and 6.5 for those who were divorced over that time; for men, the numbers were 19.2 and 21.5, respectively. For those who got divorced during that period, the average monthly number of drinks per month was 10 for women and 26 for men.
What's going on? In some cases, women said their husbands introduced them to alcohol, Reczek said, so "they just drink more because their husbands drink more. Women talk about how when they get divorced, they lose the person encouraging them to drink."
As for men, they tend to turn to alcohol to cope with stress as compared to women who turn to food or family members, she said. It's also possible that single men are more likely to hang out with their male friends who enjoy an intoxicating beverage, Reczek added.
We are the dumbest nation of experts in the history of the world. There was a time when we knew that the wisdom of our shared experiences meant something; now we don't know squat until an expert has done a study and tells us what is true.
I give up.
I feel a song coming on.....
Voting Strategy of the Erudite and Cultured Ladies of the Left
Kittens, it's time to come to grips with the painfully obvious fact that as conservatives you simply do not have what it takes to be considered sophisticated and intellectually proficient in Serious Matters. Particularly in Serious Matters of a Political Nature.
You simply are incapable of understanding the nuances and subtleties of liberal women who have spent all their time Caring. While you were studying engineering or math and actually competing equally with men, socially aware women were refining their sense of Outrage and Injustice in order to fully grasp the insidious evil of those who would insist that the equality we women have fought for since the suffrage movement should result in our actually behaving like adults. This must not stand.
We must not let them force us into the base conformity of nature and reality and adulthood. We must fight for our right to do whatever we wish with our bodies despite the consequences. This is true freedom. This is true justice.
And we must fight them with the kind of vulgar images and obscenity that lets them know they are dealing with real women. Women who speak up. Women who speak out. Women with amazingly talented body parts and incredibly strong and limber pelvic regions. You conservatives undoubtedly feel that this tactic of being sensational is cheap and ineffective, diminishing our stature and reducing our position to one of hysteria and one-dimensional messaging. You would be wrong.
This is a War on Women and the only battleground that matters is your uterus. So spread your legs and raise your....voice. Prove how Complex and Politically Astute you are by voting for a Single Issue that actually diminishes your independence because nothing says "I'm a big girl now" like insisting that the government take care of you and all your sexual choices.
You simply are incapable of understanding the nuances and subtleties of liberal women who have spent all their time Caring. While you were studying engineering or math and actually competing equally with men, socially aware women were refining their sense of Outrage and Injustice in order to fully grasp the insidious evil of those who would insist that the equality we women have fought for since the suffrage movement should result in our actually behaving like adults. This must not stand.
 |
| I'm confused. It must have something to do with Kegel exercises. |
We must not let them force us into the base conformity of nature and reality and adulthood. We must fight for our right to do whatever we wish with our bodies despite the consequences. This is true freedom. This is true justice.
And we must fight them with the kind of vulgar images and obscenity that lets them know they are dealing with real women. Women who speak up. Women who speak out. Women with amazingly talented body parts and incredibly strong and limber pelvic regions. You conservatives undoubtedly feel that this tactic of being sensational is cheap and ineffective, diminishing our stature and reducing our position to one of hysteria and one-dimensional messaging. You would be wrong.
This is a War on Women and the only battleground that matters is your uterus. So spread your legs and raise your....voice. Prove how Complex and Politically Astute you are by voting for a Single Issue that actually diminishes your independence because nothing says "I'm a big girl now" like insisting that the government take care of you and all your sexual choices.
 |
| I can't believe my sex is so stupid. Ending it all seems so appealing. |
Legitimate Rape...With a Vengeance
Probably not.
 |
| Vengeance is mine! saith...oh Good LORD! |
You could make a pretty good case that this wasn't "rape" rape. I mean, she bought him jeans and everything.
Looking to Kick Some A**
In the new book by Glenn Thrush, "Obama's Last Stand", Our Beloved Leader threatened Marco Rubio when it looked as if Rubio might be the VP pick for Romney.
“Tell your boy to watch it,” Obama said, according to Thrush. “He might get his ass kicked.”
“Tell your boy to watch it,” Obama said, according to Thrush. “He might get his ass kicked.”
Scary....heh...wait a minute...he sounds just like an angry black man. The kind we've been taught to fear. Code.
 |
| HAHA! Fear? I don't bloody think so. |
Mr. Tough Talker being a bad-ass biker dude. I wouldn't tangle with him either.
Monday, August 20, 2012
"Hit the Road, Jack"
Or Barack...as the case may be.
Newsweek, famous of late for its outrageously left-leaning cover stories, has come up with a stunner. And I do mean STUNNER! This is how I felt when I saw it.
Here it is:
I know, right?
Niall Ferguson makes a compelling case for why we need a new president in an article filled with facts. This obviously and instantly makes him stupid...and evil. Oh, and racist. Remember, kittens, I know how to break the code.
Mr. Ferguson points out numerous instances relating to the economy, the war, the budget, where Obama has either not lived up to his promises or he has actually broken them. How much slack are we going to give this president? Oh, now THAT is code, too. I used the word "slack". And "president." Totally code.
Even Our Dear Leader his own self agreed he needed to get kicked to the curb.
For clarity, I have bolded all the code words so you can see the racism inherent in the story.
I feel a song coming on........
Newsweek, famous of late for its outrageously left-leaning cover stories, has come up with a stunner. And I do mean STUNNER! This is how I felt when I saw it.
 |
| Whaaaaaaaaaaaa---ahhhh! I was completely faked out. |
 |
| Srsly? |
Niall Ferguson makes a compelling case for why we need a new president in an article filled with facts. This obviously and instantly makes him stupid...and evil. Oh, and racist. Remember, kittens, I know how to break the code.
Mr. Ferguson points out numerous instances relating to the economy, the war, the budget, where Obama has either not lived up to his promises or he has actually broken them. How much slack are we going to give this president? Oh, now THAT is code, too. I used the word "slack". And "president." Totally code.
Even Our Dear Leader his own self agreed he needed to get kicked to the curb.
Racist.
But the evil, hate-filled, ignorant racist Mr. Ferguson goes even further. He doesn't just point out the huge discrepancies between what Obama promised and what he delivered, Mr. Ferguson actually goes so far as to insist that the Romney/Ryan ticket is the obvious path to prosperity for this country. Speaking of Ryan, Ferguson says:
He is one of only a handful of politicians in Washington who is truly sincere about addressing this country’s fiscal crisis....But one thing is clear. Ryan psychs Obama out. This has been apparent ever since the White House went on the offensive against Ryan in the spring of last year. And the reason he psychs him out is that, unlike Obama, Ryan has a plan—as opposed to a narrative—for this country. [...]
The voters now face a stark choice. They can let Barack Obama’s rambling, solipsistic narrative continue until they find themselves living in some American version of Europe, with low growth, high unemployment, even higher debt—and real geopolitical decline.
Or they can opt for real change: the kind of change that will end four years of economic underperformance, stop the terrifying accumulation of debt, and reestablish a secure fiscal foundation for American national security.
For clarity, I have bolded all the code words so you can see the racism inherent in the story.
I feel a song coming on........
Who knew Ray Charles was a racist?
Michelle Obama "Niggerizes" Her Own Constituents
First Lady: ‘Bring ... That Little Lazy Friend’ to Campaign for Obama
(CNSNews.com) – Speaking at the University of Sciences in Philadelphia on Thursday, First Lady Michelle Obama encouraged attendees to recruit their "little lazy friend" to campaign for President Barack Obama’s reelection.
******
“So if you’re making calls, knocking on doors, bring that friend, that little lazy friend, bring them,” Mrs. Obama said. "Bring them.
Little lazy friend. You don't get much more obvious than that. Unless you're Romney and you use the word ANGRY twice. Well, I broke the code immediately when I heard her say that in a recent speech. LAZY. That is totally code for black. Just like angry was code in Romney's speech. Toure let us all in on the coding system and how subtle and insidious it could be.
Co-host Touré saw what he believes to be explicit racial connotations beneath what Romney was saying, calling it the “niggerization” of the campaign.“That really bothered me,” he said. “You notice he said anger twice. He’s really trying to use racial coding and access some really deep stereotypes about the angry black man. This is part of the playbook against Obama, the ‘otherization,’ he’s not like us.”“I know it’s a heavy thing, I don’t say it lightly, but this is ‘niggerization,’” Touré said to the apparent shock of his co-panelists. “You are not one of us, you are like the scary black man who we’ve been trained to fear.”
If we would all just pay more attention to the words politicians used, we would understand how easy it is to infer racism through the careful use of "code words." Since Toure's insightful analysis and commentary of Romney using the code word ANGRY twice (which was undoubtedly because he was speaking to Republicans and we are stoopid), I have been paying a LOT more attention and these code words are being used everywhere, kittens.
Joe Biden used "y'all." Totally code.
Obama is always using "folks". Code.
Elizabeth Warren said she was Indian because her ancestor had "ridiculously high cheekbones." Are you kidding me? Code.
Al Sharpton famously said this:
That's got to be entirely in code because it's almost unintelligible.
Be on the lookout. These words are everywhere. And they totally mean more than you might think.
Code.
***************************
UPDATED FOR LINK AWARD! Joan of Argghh! linked me! She is one smart cookie, but if I say that now I'll just look conceited. So I'll say it later.She is one smart cookie.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I'm Buying A New Car
Earlier today I had to drive my daughter up to town and back. So simple. Utterly straightforward. Wholly without drama or complications.
Except for the drama and the complications.
Before I go any further, in the interests of total disclosure, let me say that I am an aggressive driver. This does NOT mean I am a rude or unsafe driver. It means that driving is a sport, kittens. There are winners and losers. There is a scorecard. I'm keeping it.
And 90% of you? Losers.
Honestly, I do not know how most people make it through the day and survive. God truly does take care of children and fools, and stupid, retarded, inconsiderate, or just blissfully unaware drivers. In fact, I might have become an atheist if I had never learned to drive. But negotiating only seven miles on a highway among complete idjits, all of whom SURVIVE, can not fail to convince me that there is a God in heaven and He is merciful and plenty busy saving all these stupid people. No wonder the world is going to shit. God really does have His hands full.
Parked at the stop sign, I waited to turn left. The speed limit is 45mph, so it is important to determine that an oncoming driver is really going to turn before pulling out. I don't trust turn signals because I don't trust stupid people. I always wait until they have begun to clearly slow down and/or have pulled over slightly onto the shoulder of the road to indicate they are actually going to turn. Today as I sat at the stop sign looking left, a car approached. Several blocks away the turn signal began its friendly little blink-blink and the driver noticeably slowed down. To be even more helpful, the driver of this car pulled off onto the shoulder of the road. There was every indication that this driver was going to turn. This driver was clearly going to turn. You could safely bet money that this driver was going to turn. If you were unemployed and that $10.00 in your wallet was all you had to buy the baby milk, you would bet this driver was going to turn.
You would be wrong. And broke.
As the car approached, slowing....slowing....slowing down.....its turn signal blinking its cheery little orange light, the driver just kept passing one intersection after another without turning. She was simply driving very slowly along on the shoulder of the road, turn signal blinking. As I watched the car pass the last intersection before mine, I almost --- ALMOST --- pulled out because my intersection is the last one for nearly a mile into town. Having driven sloooooowly by three intersections, if she wasn't turning onto my road, she wasn't turning at all. For a moment, the utter stupidity of this driving behavior confused me and, like I said, I almost pulled out.
But I looked into the driver's seat as the car approached and recognized the driver. My foot froze in mid-air above the accelerator. The driver was a woman I'd met through the kids' school. I knew instantly that she was going to drive right by -- because she is just that stupid -- turn signal futilely blinking its intent to turn somewhere....but not here....and not anywhere NEAR here.
And drive by she did. Hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes glued to the road, she moved past me and down the street with all the speed and awful determination of a deadly glacier.
I swear my daughter and I sat in our car and laughed for 15 minutes before I could manage to pull it together enough to drive safely.
But stupid never takes a holiday.
Returning from town, there is a section of freeway where an on ramp is within yards -- and I do mean YARDS -- of an off ramp. Some really bright government appointee thought that was a spectacular idea, no doubt. Fully 100% of local drivers do not. Today, as I was approaching this section, I did as I always do -- pulled over into the passing lane to open the merge lane to cars desperately trying to either get on or off in 300 feet at 60 mph. Fun. Fun. Fun.
But the odds are not with you that this will happen smoothly when you factor in that 90% figure of god damned stupid drivers. So today there was a woman driving along in the merge lane who showed absolutely no cognitive ability as she sailed along through this particular driver's test. A car was trying to merge onto the freeway, but was unable to do so by sliding in easily behind her because another car had moved over into that lane to disembark at the exit. I was out of everyone's way in the passing lane, deliberately leaving an opening in front of me so that Retard Rita could just pull over and let in the poor guy struggling to merge without tangling bumpers with the guy trying to get off the freeway. Rita had no freaking clue. The guy trying to merge also had no room to blast in front of her because he was rapidly running out of road. So he decided that forceful friendliness was his only option. He simply moved up right next to her and hung there, hoping that she would figure it out and move over. Nada.
Finally, in a rather impressive last minute maneuver, the poor man slammed on his brakes as he ran completely out of road and swerved in behind her, the exiting driver having already made his escape leaving room behind Retard Rita. I am convinced she was never aware of a single moment of the agony she had caused.
Her bumper sticker said: PEACE IS POSSIBLE.
Not with stupid people like you in the world, Rita darling. Because I could easily have been driven to violence if I were that poor man now behind you.
And because the odds are good that it will be me next time, I'm buying a new car.
Except for the drama and the complications.
Before I go any further, in the interests of total disclosure, let me say that I am an aggressive driver. This does NOT mean I am a rude or unsafe driver. It means that driving is a sport, kittens. There are winners and losers. There is a scorecard. I'm keeping it.
And 90% of you? Losers.
Honestly, I do not know how most people make it through the day and survive. God truly does take care of children and fools, and stupid, retarded, inconsiderate, or just blissfully unaware drivers. In fact, I might have become an atheist if I had never learned to drive. But negotiating only seven miles on a highway among complete idjits, all of whom SURVIVE, can not fail to convince me that there is a God in heaven and He is merciful and plenty busy saving all these stupid people. No wonder the world is going to shit. God really does have His hands full.
*************************
Parked at the stop sign, I waited to turn left. The speed limit is 45mph, so it is important to determine that an oncoming driver is really going to turn before pulling out. I don't trust turn signals because I don't trust stupid people. I always wait until they have begun to clearly slow down and/or have pulled over slightly onto the shoulder of the road to indicate they are actually going to turn. Today as I sat at the stop sign looking left, a car approached. Several blocks away the turn signal began its friendly little blink-blink and the driver noticeably slowed down. To be even more helpful, the driver of this car pulled off onto the shoulder of the road. There was every indication that this driver was going to turn. This driver was clearly going to turn. You could safely bet money that this driver was going to turn. If you were unemployed and that $10.00 in your wallet was all you had to buy the baby milk, you would bet this driver was going to turn.
You would be wrong. And broke.
As the car approached, slowing....slowing....slowing down.....its turn signal blinking its cheery little orange light, the driver just kept passing one intersection after another without turning. She was simply driving very slowly along on the shoulder of the road, turn signal blinking. As I watched the car pass the last intersection before mine, I almost --- ALMOST --- pulled out because my intersection is the last one for nearly a mile into town. Having driven sloooooowly by three intersections, if she wasn't turning onto my road, she wasn't turning at all. For a moment, the utter stupidity of this driving behavior confused me and, like I said, I almost pulled out.
But I looked into the driver's seat as the car approached and recognized the driver. My foot froze in mid-air above the accelerator. The driver was a woman I'd met through the kids' school. I knew instantly that she was going to drive right by -- because she is just that stupid -- turn signal futilely blinking its intent to turn somewhere....but not here....and not anywhere NEAR here.
And drive by she did. Hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes glued to the road, she moved past me and down the street with all the speed and awful determination of a deadly glacier.
I swear my daughter and I sat in our car and laughed for 15 minutes before I could manage to pull it together enough to drive safely.
But stupid never takes a holiday.
Returning from town, there is a section of freeway where an on ramp is within yards -- and I do mean YARDS -- of an off ramp. Some really bright government appointee thought that was a spectacular idea, no doubt. Fully 100% of local drivers do not. Today, as I was approaching this section, I did as I always do -- pulled over into the passing lane to open the merge lane to cars desperately trying to either get on or off in 300 feet at 60 mph. Fun. Fun. Fun.
But the odds are not with you that this will happen smoothly when you factor in that 90% figure of god damned stupid drivers. So today there was a woman driving along in the merge lane who showed absolutely no cognitive ability as she sailed along through this particular driver's test. A car was trying to merge onto the freeway, but was unable to do so by sliding in easily behind her because another car had moved over into that lane to disembark at the exit. I was out of everyone's way in the passing lane, deliberately leaving an opening in front of me so that Retard Rita could just pull over and let in the poor guy struggling to merge without tangling bumpers with the guy trying to get off the freeway. Rita had no freaking clue. The guy trying to merge also had no room to blast in front of her because he was rapidly running out of road. So he decided that forceful friendliness was his only option. He simply moved up right next to her and hung there, hoping that she would figure it out and move over. Nada.
Finally, in a rather impressive last minute maneuver, the poor man slammed on his brakes as he ran completely out of road and swerved in behind her, the exiting driver having already made his escape leaving room behind Retard Rita. I am convinced she was never aware of a single moment of the agony she had caused.
Her bumper sticker said: PEACE IS POSSIBLE.
Not with stupid people like you in the world, Rita darling. Because I could easily have been driven to violence if I were that poor man now behind you.
And because the odds are good that it will be me next time, I'm buying a new car.
 |
| I should have the highways cleared very soon. |
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