Stolen in its entirety from IMAO.US
The Truth About the Obamaphone
[High Praise! to The People's Cube]
The differences between an Obamaphone and a regular phone:
* It automatically rejects calls from people with a different opinion.
* Every time you take a picture, it produces a grimmer image of America.
* It doesn’t have a plan; it just keeps telling you how bad the other guy’s plan is.
* When it crashes, it blames your previous phone.
* All 3 AM calls go directly to voicemail.
* It has a really useless app called “Biden.”
* Pairing it with another device sucks all the energy out of the other unit.
* Type in “job search” and it gives you directions to the welfare office.
* The navigation feature covers all 57 States.
* The default ringtone for international calls is “I’m sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology.”
* The healthcare app downloads and installs itself without your permission.
* When you make a call, a teleprompter pops up to help you speak.
* Restaurant reviews are all written by Michelle Obama.
* There are never any winners on Angry Birds.
* Instagram takes two months to process a photo and you have to fill out 3 PDFs to do so.
* Paypal app is replaced with ReceivePal app.
* You can’t find “Jerusalem” on Google maps.
* It turns all your Facebook friends into enemies and all your enemies into friends.
* Don’t want to work? There’s an app for that, too.
* It automatically bows down to phones made by foreign companies.
* When you watch a YouTube video, a US ambassador gets killed.
* When you dial “home”, it calls Kenya.
* As opposed to the iPhone, it’s called the mePhone.
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And my suggestions:
It comes pre-programmed with all of Obama's speeches.
The ringtone is "just noise."
That isn't a vibration, it's just a "bump in the road."
All YouTube videos that defame the Prophet Mohammed are censored to save lives.
The differences between an Obamaphone and a regular phone:
* It automatically rejects calls from people with a different opinion.
* Every time you take a picture, it produces a grimmer image of America.
* It doesn’t have a plan; it just keeps telling you how bad the other guy’s plan is.
* When it crashes, it blames your previous phone.
* All 3 AM calls go directly to voicemail.
* It has a really useless app called “Biden.”
* Pairing it with another device sucks all the energy out of the other unit.
* Type in “job search” and it gives you directions to the welfare office.
* The navigation feature covers all 57 States.
* The default ringtone for international calls is “I’m sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology.”
* The healthcare app downloads and installs itself without your permission.
* When you make a call, a teleprompter pops up to help you speak.
* Restaurant reviews are all written by Michelle Obama.
* There are never any winners on Angry Birds.
* Instagram takes two months to process a photo and you have to fill out 3 PDFs to do so.
* Paypal app is replaced with ReceivePal app.
* You can’t find “Jerusalem” on Google maps.
* It turns all your Facebook friends into enemies and all your enemies into friends.
* Don’t want to work? There’s an app for that, too.
* It automatically bows down to phones made by foreign companies.
* When you watch a YouTube video, a US ambassador gets killed.
* When you dial “home”, it calls Kenya.
* As opposed to the iPhone, it’s called the mePhone.
*****************
And my suggestions:
It comes pre-programmed with all of Obama's speeches.
The ringtone is "just noise."
That isn't a vibration, it's just a "bump in the road."
All YouTube videos that defame the Prophet Mohammed are censored to save lives.
GPS directions never include "Turn right".
ReplyDeleteCarney voice recorder app plays back what you wish you'd said. (beta version: may require several restarts).
Flashlight app shines only on you.
HAHAHAHA! I love the last one.
Deletebwaaahahahaha! gut laugh!
Wouldn't GPS directions only move forward?
ReplyDeleteA few more:
If you ask for a dinner suggestion, it only answers pork. Unless you enter the code word "foodstamps", then any old Kobe filet will do.
There is a 'create US budget' App. Unfortunately, it seems to act exactly like the off button.
Day planner only recognizes the key words 'vacation' and 'golf'.
It has a free self-inflicting virus app called Biden.
Every world leader is on speed dial 1. Really, and it knows which one you want via telepathy.
You have no Hope of ever Changing phones again.
HAHAHA! LOVE the foodstamp one. Don't forget lobster. Michelle's favorite.
DeleteAnd the Day Planner. Brilliant.