Friday, June 28, 2013

What are the odds?

Over at Fellowship of the Minds, this little essay does make one wonder...what are the odds that all these events just happened?

It's a head scratcher, for sure.

[The essay below was originally published as "Just Happened....," in The Obama Timeline, Sept. 30, 2012.]

Any one of these ‘coincidences’ when taken singularly appear to not mean much, but when taken as a whole, a computer would blow a main circuit if you asked it to calculate the odds that they have occurred by chance alone. Sit back, get a favorite beverage, and then read and ponder the Obama-related ‘coincidences’ … then super-impose the bigger picture of most recent events i.e. Fast and furious, Benghazi, the IRS scandal and the NSA revelations … then pray for our country.

Obama just happened to know 60′s far-left radical revolutionary William Ayers, whose father just happened to be Thomas Ayers, who just happened to be a close friend of Obama’s communist mentor Frank Marshall Davis, who just happened to work at the communist-sympathizing Chicago Defender with Vernon Jarrett, who just happened to later become the father-in-law of Iranian-born leftist Valerie Jarrett, who Obama just happened to choose as his closest White House advisor, and who just happened to have been CEO of Habitat Company, which just happened to manage public housing in Chicago, which just happened to get millions of dollars from the Illinois state legislature, and which just happened not to properly maintain the housing—which eventually just happened to require demolition.

Valerie Jarrett also just happened to work for the city of Chicago, and just happened to hire Michelle LaVaughan Robinson (later Mrs.Obama), who just happened to have worked at the Sidley Austin law firm, where former fugitive from the FBI Bernardine Dohrn also just happened to work, and where Barack Obama just happened to get a summer job.
 Keep gets worse. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

The Breaking Point

A nun walked into the Mother Superior's office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not totally relaxing?'

'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'

'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden green....and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'

'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'

'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.

'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

'You missed the fuckin' putt, didn't you?'

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Well then, the first time we needed it to work, it didn't. Great. Just great.


I know this is everywhere, but it bears repeating.

If our own government insists that law-abiding Americans don't really need assault weapons (in violation of their 2nd Amendment right), and must submit to invasive bureaucratic paperwork and petty, ineffective regulations to do anything with any gun they are allowed to own other than lock it up in a gun safe, then why IN HELL is our government arming Syrian rebels which are, in all probability, Al Qaeda?


Senator Ted Cruz said it best:

Thursday, June 20, 2013

My Little Pony -- with a DAGGER!

This just makes me want to sing my Unicorn song.

You know, there are days when I sincerely, truly, honestly, right down to my very toes, WISH I could be as happily brain dead as the average liberal. Wouldn't that be nice? Of course I know everyone is going to jump in with comments about how I should never wish that because it's like wanting to be a hippie or something, but GAAAAH! sometimes it's just too much when you realize how horribly awfully in trouble our country is and you have so many people who don't know or don't care or actually are happy about it.

This video is the reason for my gray mood. How is it possible to find so many complete idiots just roaming the streets? HOW?

Although, to be fair, a good number of them are informed. They are also outright fascists.


Duh! Everyone knows that.

I'm crawling into my Drinking Closet early today. With my unicorn, thank you very much.  If anyone disturbs me, I'll have my unicorn run you through.

Woman scorned, and all that...but DAMN!

The BEST part is how her "man" runs off at the beginning. Apparently he's seen her angry before.

The second best part is that little push she gives her rival to roll her off the cliff.

I'm still laughing.

Sunday, June 16, 2013


I'm late to the party. VERY late. I don't care. I wish I'd never come to this stupid party.

I officially HATE this grossly violent, grossly sexual series. And not just because it is grossly violent and grossly sexual. But mostly because it is also grossly stupid. I mean honestly, if you want me to put up with disembowlings, beheadings, doggie sex and dwarf sex, then AT LEAST give me some decent writing. GAAAAAAH!

Believe me, I tried. I watched the season premier. I hated it. I watched the first four episodes of the first season. I hated every single second of every single one.

I quit.

But the funny part of this is that my daughter recently told the story of a party she attended where they were playing a guessing game. The rules were you gained the most points the fewer words you used to help your team guess the answer. The answers were all popular movies, songs, or TV shows.

First Guy, giving his first clue to his team: DRAGONS!

Team: Huh?

First Guy: Dragons -- with PORN!



I could just puke.


Library-Gryffon tipped me off to the reason Game of Thrones is so prurient and adolescent. Because Adam Friedberg.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Future Olympian

But instead she will probably just end up blowing up buildings and train stations in acts of terror. All the kids are doing that, you know. That's why the NSA must listen to EVERYONE. All the time.

For reals.

What a bunch of losers.

But this little girl is a WINNER!

Look at the concentration. And the pony's face! What a team!

They'll make great terrorists.

Did you get that, NSA? I'd suggest you start eavesdropping around the barn because all those little Pony Clubbers are DANGEROUS!!!!

This guy stole my idea so I'm going to fly a plane into the Transamerica building in San Francisco.

My idea was that if the NSA is going to be listening in on every single phone conversation, reading every email, and generally making itself a royal, tyrannical, overbearing, sloppy, stupid, ineffective pain in the ass, then we should all start referencing terrorist acts as often as possible. I think of it as sort of a public service. Otherwise, the rest of the country might get the idea that the federal government is a colossal waste of money. Then the next time President Peace Prize threatens us with the End Of The World because someone somewhere suggests he stop spending so goddamn much money, no one will even look up from Game of Thrones. And that would be bad.

"Sequestration? Is that some kinky new thing that the Queen and her brother are doing?"

H/T: Thanks, Rachel Lucas!!

Monday, June 10, 2013

I take a lot of naps.

But now that we know the NSA listens to everything everywhere all the time, I won't feel the same reluctance to speak my mind lest someone learn my dastardly ambition, as a libertarian-leaning conservative, to take over the world and leave you all alone.


In the words of Wile E. Coyote, I'm an EEEEEE-vil GEEEEN-ius.

Are you listening, NSA?

Because if you are, you can kiss my exhausted ass.

Artists are never really understood.

And he probably didn't have health insurance, either, because he never held a decent job.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar's college transcripts.......

Maybe, suggests Iowahawk, the NSA can help with that.

There's more pithiness at Twitchy.

Speaking of five letter words that don't go with this administration:


And the one that does:


HAHAHA!'s not that funny.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Imagine all the people living life in peace....

...because only the peace officers would own guns.

"I don't believe people should be able to own guns." -- Barack Obama, President of the United States

Yes, imagine that.

What about the children of Republicans?

When it's about the children -- and it's always about the children for the left -- there is no expense too great, no restriction of freedom too ominous, no increase in governmental power too dangerous. Every story of deprivation or hardship wrung from the trembling lips of some liberal politician would convince us that the entire human race was being brought to its knees because government was not big enough to stop some child's pain.

OH! The humanity!

Of course, we're talking about the right kind of children. When they are the wrong kind of children, children of Republicans or conservatives -- or children who haven't been born just yet -- tough. Federal government employees are eating lobster and drinking champagne in $3,500.00 per night hotel rooms, thank you very much. And you are furloughed and borrowing money for your child's birthday present.

Representative Trey Gowdy attempts to point out the hypocrisy. Of course, hypocrisy is lost on Democrats.

We have a government that has grown monstrous on promises that it could alleviate all our pain, if it were just a little bit bigger, had a little more power, and now it's become the biggest pain in the ass in the neighborhood. Oh...and no receipts, either, on that party, dude. The lords at the IRS needn't answer to anyone, least of all you, Mr. Average Citizen. Just shut up and sit down. We'll get to you eventually. If you're (un)lucky.

Remember when we were supposed to be outraged -- OUTRAGED!! -- because Ann Romney had spent her own money supporting a rider and horse in their quest to make the Olympic team?

Yes, well....Now we learn that the IRS spent tens of thousands on logo swag and line-dancing lessons, but you are only to remember that Ann Romney is a rich, unfeeling white raaaaaaaaacist who chose not to spend her money on children!!! Oh...and Mitt didn't hug his garbage man. Because he does. not. care. There is no other reason. None. I won't point out that I don't know a single Democrat -- not one -- who has ever hugged their garbage man, or taken him out a drink of water, or has even so much as waved at him, because that would be petty. And no liberal Democrat would get my point anyway.

We all know that anyone who supported Romney did so solely out of racism. We all know that anyone anywhere at anytime who has not supported President Peace Prize or has anything to say against President Peace Prize is simply racist. Because Obama has never done a thing wrong in his entire life.

In. His. Entire. Life.


Oh. And neither has anyone in his entire family...just for good measure.

Wrap your heads around that, kittens, and try to reconcile it with a world that is still even marginally sane. I'm betting it can't be done.

Although, to be fair, there is this:

(Steve Stockman is my new favorite person.)

Because this, too:

Saturday, June 8, 2013

You have to love Ninny Pelosi because stupid like that is a rare and wonderful thing.

Never go FULL retard.

You'll end up a Democrat.

Remember when Ninny P. waxed poetic about the struggling artists who, under ObamaCare, would never need to get a real job to secure their own healthcare? That now, under the kind and wise guidance of Ninny in the Nanny State, no one would ever have to give up their dreams of performing true art for the more pragmatic reality of taking care of one's own ass.

Ninny P. assured everyone that they could stop working at real jobs and become performance artists or musicians, writers or poets, without worrying any longer that no one on the entire planet would ever choose to pay a nickel for the crap created and therefore would leave these poor sensitive creatures with bills to pay and NO HEALTHCARE! How crushing for the human soul to be faced with the reality of providing for one's own existence! How very, very adult! EEEUUUWWW!

But Ninny was there to rescue us all from adulthood! And it was going to be wonderful - for EVERYBODY! We were all going to pay less and have more through the wondrous powers of government. Of course, when people asked for some specifics on how that was going to happen, exactly, we were told we were just going to have to wait and find out.

So now we're finding out that Ninny can't remember just exactly WHAT she said all the way back in the olden days and it is churlish and unfair of anyone to expect her to. Besides, it is in poor taste to reduce the grand and caring COMPASSION she feels for the artiste to mere numbers. How does one pay for the promise of expressing one's soul through art? I suppose, like the VISA commercial, it's priceless.

Unfortunately for the rest of us, priceless always means hideously expensive.

Friday, June 7, 2013

The amazing thing is that Hillary EVER looked that good.

I'm not sure if that title will catch the attention of the NSA, but it might. They could think it's a porn picture like the president's mother, Stanley.

Terrorists only use airplanes.

That's why the TSA needs to spend billions of dollars feeling up little kids who are flying to Disneyland for all of us to be completely safe. Everyone knows that terrorists would NEVER just walk across the border. They always use airplanes. So we must be vigilant. But we must not profile in our vigilance because that would be racist.

Also, we have no freaking clue who we are looking for anyway, so we might as well let the TSA agents get some thrills every day. What can it hurt?

Jumping a horse over a fence feels like sitting on a bomb.

You EXPLODE over the fence.

I am still determined to find a title for every post that will be tagged by the NSA as they spend all their time peeping in on normal people doing normal things. I just want to poke them in their eyes while they peek through the fence. What a bunch of losers. Nasty, empty, miserable losers.


And you too, IRS.

And fuck ALL the horses you rode in on.

Now go back to your porn.

It's the feeling of power and freedom.

H/T: Neanderpundit

Dog doesn't care that his behavior might cost society because he is selfish and racist and doesn't like Obama.

Talk about your dog whistle. This dog obviously hates Obama. This dog definitely doesn't care AT ALL that his behavior will lead to medical problems that the rest of us will pay for. Where's his concern for the collective? How selfish can he be?

Damn racist canine. He even has blue eyes and a white face.

I will happily murder thousands for my own comfort.

Lantern of Death
I figure if the NSA is monitoring every single vapid, vacuous, stupid, innocent, banal email, phone conversation, web search, and probably even idle chatter between friends on street corners or in one's own home, it would be kind of me to give them something that might brighten their day. So I will endeavor, from this day forward, to title my posts with statements that might make them sit up in their chairs and turn off the porn.

Anywho...Behold! The Lantern of Death.

For years our backyard has been uninhabitable from around 4 o'clock in the afternoon until around 8 o'clock in the morning all summer long because of the swarms of mosquitoes. Even the most phlegmatic of visitors would eventually abandon the potential spiritual renewal of open space to run screaming for the house. And IF you were one of those rare fellows mosquitoes don't find particularly tasty to munch on, you still found yourself staring uncomfortably at others with bloodsuckers stuck all over them.

Everyone always ended up in the house.

And that was where the moths lived.

We live in a forest of oak trees, which means we have oak moths. Actually, we have every kind of moth possible, I think. And every single time a door would open, moths would fly in toward the light. I have spent every summer recovering DAILY from a bad case of the heebie jeebies due to moths in closets, cupboards, and crannies. AAAAAARRRGGGHH!

Kill. Everything. Now.

Daylilies, lavender and euphorbia
So, after far too long spent tolerating an intolerable situation, we decided to do something about it this summer. Unlike our typical response to a problem which is to wait until we are so pissed off that we then run out and just spend the most amount of money possible to fix it believing that MORE MONEY = SOMETHING THAT WORKS, we decided this time to do a little research. I know...right?

Amazingly, we discovered that a very inexpensive electric bug zapper would do the trick. We bought two and hung them in the front and the back of our home. It has been about a month and a half, and they are AWESOME! We have our yard back! It kills both mosquitoes and moths. I can't convey to you the level of sheer, unmitigated delight I feel knowing of the thousands dead and dying.

So now we sit out on the back patio and enjoy the solitude and serene quiet of the country. Well, except for the nearly constant sound of bugs succumbing to an electric volt that brings to mind the last moments of a murderer whom the governor neglected to pardon. 

It's like living in Dante's Comedy -- but I'm the proprietor -- and I don't give a shit.

Die, you little bastards.

Yeah, I'm an environmentalist.

A close up.


This video is really fun. The photographer (an amazing guy and talent) has put his still photos to music, giving the idea of a video, but with the tempo and impact of a strobe light.

Kinda cool.

The photographer's name is Will Baxter.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Understanding Women

It's Not About the Nail from Jason Headley on Vimeo.

It's NEVER about the nail.

The dog ate them...all....every single receipt.

Apparently the IRS can't locate any of its receipts.

None of them.


Oopsie. Should we have kept those? Who knew?

Listen, this is perfectly understandable. When you are pissing away millions and millions on trips and luxuries, keeping receipts is so very, very plebeian. Answering for every single cent is for the little people. You know, the people they can harass, punish, fine, arrest and destroy. Whenever they wish.


"I'm not here as a serf or a vassal..."

Becky Gerritson addresses our new overlords with the old fashioned notion that she need not beg and that she is a free woman.

What a regressive, radical, idiotic idea. Imagine believing that she is a free person, entitled to associate with whomever she chooses and to engage in free speech and free thinking on matters of cultural and political importance. She had better learn her place.

The Divine Miss M put her there days ago. So Ms. Gerritson is not just idiotic and extreme, she's a trifle slow as well.

I don't believe I've run across The Divine Miss M passionately attacking President Peace Prize's Organizing for America or or MediaMatters for receiving non-profit status, so one can be excused for being slightly suspicious that Miss M is not the least concerned about the finer legal points in determining non-profit status for political organizations per se, but is very, very gleeful about the use of the power of the IRS to silence political speech with which she disagrees.

The last time I checked, that was considered a trait of fascism.

When training horses, there is an old saying, "Violence starts where knowledge ends." When one is handling a horse, you never need to use rough methods if you understand the nature of the horse and stay connected to that truth. When you lose sight of the truth, or you reach a point where your knowledge is weak, whips, gadgets and bits become the only answer.

I've always thought that this saying applied to liberals as much as to horses. Liberals hide their ignorance of human nature behind a veneer of knowledge, presenting themselves as more complex and nuanced than than those who see the truth plainly. This deception works for awhile, but inevitably liberals/fascists/socialists/communists all run out of what little knowledge they have and then they reach for their whips...and guns.

And they do so with the unquestioned assumption that they remain kinder, wiser, and more moral than those on whom they train those guns.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

The Power of Cute

Sometimes it is almost more than one can stand...certainly more than one can resist.

Just give in.