Friday, May 31, 2013

She's back...with a vengeance.

Rachel has been on a long vacation around Italy and Poland and so has not been posting much. But she is back, and brings us a whopping beat down of the terribly civilized British reaction to a terribly uncivilized Islamic act.

The barbarians are at the gates.

Oh, and it seems coincidentally there is an attempt on the part of our loving and wise federal government to perhaps persecute prosecute anyone who posts negative statements about Islam.

So here's one for you, Bill Killian, the US Attorney for the Eastern district of Tennessee..."F*&K Islam. And F*&K YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Our president warns us, one might even say threatens us, that the future must not belong to those who would slander the prophet of Islam. Really, kittens? For the president of this country who is touted to have at least a passing familiarity with the Constitution and who took an oath to uphold it as the highest law of the land, that is a remarkably treasonous statement. The future most not belong to those who would silence free speech. Especially offensive speech. One is not free if one is only free to say what offends no one. Wishing everyone a nice day can not be considered a Constitutionally protected expression.

Speaking the truth of Islam had better be.



What a pathetic excuse for a man and a president.

I could just puke.

Thank you, IRS!

No, really. THANK YOU!

It's apparently absolutely fine to use the coercive, punitive, destructive power of the federal government to silence certain voices. In fact, it's so very, very fine that tolerant, open-minded liberals are eager to thank President Peace Prize and his merry band of thieves for doing just that. They are even willing to sign their names to it, so proud are they of their obvious open-mindedness.


I have spent the entirety of my life being lectured by liberals to be more accepting, open-minded and tolerant of divergent ideas. We've all driven behind the filthy Subaru Outback, complete with the Thule cargo carrier, proudly chastising us as we politely follow.


But all their lecturing and finger-wagging and raised eyebrows, pursed lips and insinuations, were really just reactions to anyone who didn't think the way they did. They were never interested in what you thought; they were only interested in what they thought. Now, it would appear, they have reached a magic level of smugly satisfied numbers so that they no longer see any reason to debate their positions -- or allow yours -- and their new bumper stick wisdom is simply, "SHUT UP!"

And to thank the IRS for making that happen.

I say, "F*&k you. No, really."

Oh...."And f*&k you, Miss M."


H/T: Small Dead Animals


Wednesday, May 22, 2013

If at first...second...third...fourth you don't succeed, it's wise to stop while you're ahead.

Found over at David Thompson.

After living in San Francisco for over 20 years, my question to the driver would be: "At what point did you realize you were Chinese?"


For ease of viewing hilarity, keep your eye on the motorcyclist at the top of the screen, center right.


Of course, when you're in this deep yet decide again and again to keep going, wisdom is obviously not a strong suit of yours. Ridiculous tenacity - that you have in spades.

And they scare us that the Chinese are going to crush us and rule the world.

"That's not rain...."


Joe Dan has put together another hilarious and informative video. I'm not feeling funny at all lately, so I'll let him do the jokes.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

When F&*K YOU is the only reasonable answer.

THE SITUATION:  Stuart Varney, speaking with Judge Napolitano on "Varney & Co.", relates that one of his producers was given a questionnaire with some surprisingly intrusive questions on it when he switched doctors. One of the questions was whether he/she was concerned about unsecured weapons in the home. Another asked whether he/she was "in a relationship in which you have been physically hurt or are you afraid of your partner?"

THE ONLY REASONABLE ANSWER: F&*K YOU. (Okay, to be polite, don't write it in ALL CAPS. That's yelling.)

Video here.

THE SITUATION: Before the death toll could even be imagined, liberal comedians and politicians were rushing to smirk, blame and chastise conservatives for the carnage. Tears for Sandy Hook. None for Oklahoma.

THE ONLY REASONABLE ANSWER: F&*k you. For the children.

THE SITUATION: Good men are left to die in Benghazi purely as a political calculation by Obama and Clinton.

THE ONLY REASONABLE ANWER: Oh hell yeah...F&&**&&&&*K YOUUUUUUUUU!

 

UPDATED!!!


And never forget. F&*k you, Miss M.





Monday, May 20, 2013

"I think it's called laughing as you sink."

This reminds me of the Abbot and Costello routine, "Who's On First?"




It's only funny because it hurts so much.Remember, as we watch it all burn, we got here under the advice and guidance of all the really, really, really smart guys. That is reassuring, isn't it?

LET THE END TIMES ROLL!



Friday, May 17, 2013

Spend the day at Ace of Spades HQ and Hot Air

Stories of corruption, betrayal of the public trust, illegal activity, flat out gangster-style politics are coming out faster and more furiously than anyone can track. Hot Air and Ace of Spades HQ, though, are doing a damn fine job.

At the HQ's, this video is magnificent.



In the meantime, this is what big government really comes down to.




Only the bumbling idiots always have guns. And now we learn they are pointed at us.

And that's not funny.






Lots more there there. UPDATED WITH ACTUAL FACTS.

There are so many there's there it's hard to keep them all straight.

I am sitting here in front of my computer, stunned...shocked...feeling that it would be hard to be overly dramatic - which is a forte of mine. I can't even think of anything clever to write. I am simply in shock. Not because I didn't know any of this. I have read various blogs over the last few months which claimed much of what is in this new post. My shock is that this is happening -- has been happening since September -- and we are all still sitting in our living rooms, going to our jobs, picking up our children from school, believing that there is someone -- anyone -- in Washington DC who will actually do anything of real significance to stop the insanity and destroy the Obama coup d'etat.

Or that even half the country gives a shit.

Mark my words, if Obama survives this, he is invincible and he will know it. This is his stare down moment.

If he wins, this nation is lost.

George Carlin once said something along the lines that when fascism comes to America it won't be wearing jackboots and carrying clubs, it will wear a smiley face.

Obama's America
He was wrong.

It will be angry, corrupt, vengeful, dangerous, vindictive and deadly.

Winston Churchill once said:
“If you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a small chance of survival. There may even be a worse case: you may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves."
Kittens, we are rapidly moving past the moment when we can fight and win at all. We may very well soon reach the moment when we are only fighting to die as free men and women.

Think I'm joking? Being too dramatic? I hope so.

 

UPDATE!!!


Yesterday I was getting all "het up" and agitated, so when this blog post crossed my screen, I posted it. Today, I've done just a LITTLE homework and learned that Admiral Lyons made the statement about a possible kidnapping as a speculation because he could not think of any other reason for the events at Benghazi to play out as they did, and the massive cover up by the administration.

Still. These are the questions that should be pursued in Washington. By independent counsel.




Here a there, there a there, everywhere a there there.

Despite the fervent assertions of our most Esteemed, Beloved and Altogether Terrific POTUS that "there is no there there", there does seem to be rather an inordinate number of there's popping up in the capital.

Why...there's another there now.
Has the Obama Department of Justice Violated the Separation of Powers? California Congressman Devin Nunes (R-CA) says that the Department Of Justice tapped phones in the rooms where Congress members speak informally and off the record, eat, sleep and socialize when they’re not on the floor of the House of Representatives or in their individual offices.These rooms are known as “cloak rooms”, which are the spaces in which a lot of informal conversations occur… both between Congress members, and Congress members and reporters.
Holy shit!

But not to worry. It's the good guys who are spying on the bad guys. It would be SO. WRONG. if the Rethuglicans were doing this sort of thing to Democrats. But we can all rest assured that not only will Barack Braveheart spring into action to get to the bottom of all this, he will do it without missing a single tee time.

I could just puke.

Oh...and speaking of puking...I never knew what Gertrude Stein looked like.

That is one ugly.......whatever.



Thursday, May 16, 2013

Tequila Shots

It used to be drinking tequila meant something. It gained one a certain place. Recognition. Respect. The fiery, soul-searing liquid needed all your courage, and just a little stupidity, some salt and a redemptive burst of lime to make it down.

The act of drinking such rotgut was a performance in heroism. It would begin with the in drawn breath. The anticipatory swallow readied the tongue and throat for the caustic liquid. Shoulders were squared. Resolve tightened your hand around the shot glass.

A lick of salt and your eyes would close to the inevitable. You had made your decision. The full shot was tossed back. A gasp of recognition. Then the salvation of cleansing lime juice....Another round!

But now we have tequilas that are as smooth, complex and enticing as a beautiful cognac. Needing a salt lick and then chomping down on a lime wedge like a piece of leather during unanesthetized surgery is no longer necessary. Or even tolerated.

With the truly exquisite tequilas one can obtain now, presentation and thoughtful pairing are required.

SANGRITA

12 servings

12 limes, ends trimmed, cut crosswise in half

2 1/4 cups fresh orange juice
5 tablespoons grenadine syrup
1 teaspoon (generous) salt
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (to taste)

Premium tequila (and I do mean PREMIUM!) HAHA!

Squeeze the limes in citrus juicer to extract as much juice as possible. Use 3/4 cup for recipe. Save remaining juice for another use. Using scissors, cut out as much of the membrane as possible. Freeze lime halves.

Mix all other ingredients together. Refrigerate until cold, about 2 hours.


Serve the tequila and sangrita in the frozen lime halves to your guests.

Dance! All night.


Oh...and fuck Bette Midler.


I didn't think Geraldo could sink any longer. UPDATED WITH OFFICIAL IRS NONSENSE



But he had sex with  Bette Midler.

And she wasn't impressed.

When the Divine Miss M isn't impressed with your P*, you're SOL. Maybe even DOA.

For the rest of us, it's LOL!

The other "P" the Divine Miss M isn't impressed with, it seems, is Patriots.  But she loves the IRS.

She recently tweeted out (caps hers, emphasis mine), "I LOVE THE IRS!!! HOW CAN A POLITICAL ORGANIZATION BE CALLED A NON-PROFIT THAT PROMOTES GENERAL WELFARE??”

Maybe you're right, Miss M. How can it? Let's see how it can. If it has the word "Progressive" in it, it can. Or perhaps the word "Organizing"? Yup. Or even just "Progress". Here's your non-profit status, tied with a ribbon.

If I may be so impolite, even forward as it were, to pick over what the Divine Miss M tweeted, there are a few things that need some elucidation.

"I LOVE THE IRS!!!"

I love the three exclamation points and the ALL CAPS level of sincere passion and feeeeeeeeeeling. This woman LOVES THE IRS!!! Why? Because it was caught betraying the public trust, breaking the law, and using the power of the federal government to silence and harass people who oppose it. Those are some very good, very liberal reasons to love this agency.

"HOW CAN A POLITICAL ORGANIZATION BE CALLED A NON-PROFIT THAT PROMOTES GENERAL WELFARE??”

How can it be called anything else? Political organizations, by their very nature, are non-profit. They don't produce anything that increases the wealth of its directors or members. There is no product or service that is delivered to the marketplace against which costs and expenses have been measured so they could arrive at a price point that allows them to make a profit. The only reason any political organization exists is to collect the money of like-minded people in order to put forth their message to influence the larger political debate. This is called free speech. Something which liberals used to favor. Now, apparently, they are having serious misgivings about the wisdom of letting certain people have any say in things.

I used to believe that while liberals were stupid, vacuous and self-righteous, they weren't mean or evil. I'm revising that opinion even as I type. When liberals can CELEBRATE (all caps and emphasis mine) the abuse of power because it is directed against their perceived enemies, the game is on, kittens. There can be no more pretense that we are all basically on the same team, we just have different ways of arriving at the same place.

Where liberals want to take this country is no place I want to go.

Fuck all of them. I'm through pretending that they aren't all a bunch of dangerous, fascist assholes who honestly hate anyone who isn't mindlessly goose-stepping to their bumper sticker logic, simultaneously doing a SIEG HEIL! to their precious Messiah.

Again, fuck you, Miss M.

How's that for free speech? What's left of it, anyway. It's unfortunate I am so angry that I can't use what little time we have left in this country to formulate a more erudite response to your totalitarian lust.

Fuck you is all I've got.


*****************************

UPDATED!

Never one to give much of a crap about what the government says, I gave my own viewpoint of what a non-profit should be. Apparently there are rules. To get tax-exempt status, a 501(c)(4) has to be primarily a social welfare organization. You know, like Planned Parenthood.

NOW I get it. Now it makes perfect sense that anyone seeking to curb government excess or teach the Constitution should not be non-profit. How do those activities promote social welfare? However, ACORN, MoveOn.org, and anyone with PROGRESS in their name are obviously all about the good of others.

Actually this argument is even more insidious and deadly. Basically the position is that if you are left-wing, you are without question non-political and only intend to help others. If you are right-wing you are mean, stingy and manipulative with obvious designs on the political process because you want to halt or even -- GASP! -- turn back the progress made by left wing organizations which are just there to help. The little fact that left-wing organizations also overwhelmingly give millions and millions to get Democrats elected is really not an issue here, because Democrats want to help, too.

It's all so clear now.

UPDATED AGAIN!!!

Just because it's so damn sweet. Organizing for America, Obama's very own private, personal fund-raising organization, is a non-profict 501(c)(4).

So again, I say, "Fuck you, Miss M."



*P stands for prowess. What were you thinking?




Seeing the "we" in me.

When I watched this video, it at first seemed compelling in its timeless message. It isn't what happens to us that matters - it's what we think about what happens -- how we internalize it. And when we see others as ourselves, with empathy and understanding and acceptance, then it expands our awareness from the small center of "me" to the larger, more complex world of "we". This expansion increases our compassion, tolerance, capacity for forgiveness, and, ultimately, creates fertile ground for love.

And we're happier.




Of course, his message would have been even more convincing if the author hadn't committed suicide.

Just saying....

************************************

Okay...okay...okay.  I was going to just leave it at that but the risk of appearing like a total asshole instead of the lovable asshole I try diligently to project was too great. An inspirational speech about how to stop focusing on yourself and your problems from someone who couldn't get out of his own head and, after years of depression, hangs himself? Seriously? This is simply so depressing that it is funny in a miserably, painfully, wretchedly dark, and utterly macabre sort of way.

Just once I want someone who is "coaching" me on some inspirational way of thinking or living to demonstrate just how fucking wonderful his life is because of doing what he is telling me to do. Just. Once.

I am sick to DEATH of "experts" in any number of fields telling us all how to think, feel, make tons of money, live amazing lives, find the perfect love, manifest all our dreams and desires while they stumble along fucking things up just as badly or perhaps even worse than the most remedial among us. Marriage counselors on their fifth marriage. Success speakers who have never done anything except sell the idea of success to others. Fat doctors who smoke. Therapists who take anti-depressants.

The list is endless.

And what does it say about us? The two observations that I can make are:

1. We have become a nation of life-long children. We look to "adults" (aka "experts") throughout our lives. Buy a book...go to a seminar...take a course...because someone else has the answer. We certainly don't have to figure it out ourselves. Why, we wouldn't even WANT to. There is an expert for everything who can tell us anything - how to have a happy marriage, raise our children, find the perfect job...

2. This idea of an expert for everything implies that there is a solution for everything. UTOPIA! Yeah! HOPE AND CHANGE! No wonder our generation is the one who elected President Peace Prize. We have been conditioned from grade school to turn over our self-reliance, common sense, and responsibility for just about everything to someone else, some "expert", some speaker, author, politician...

And now we have President Hope.

Serves us right.

Still, I would like for uplifting, inspirational messages like this one to work once in a while. It would soften my cynicism, that's for damn sure.





Ice for your summer drink?

Global warming...in action!


This is in Minnesota - in the merry, merry month of May.
 
You know, sometimes I almost wish the left would be right about something once in a while just to make things seem more sporting. But when you go up against these losers, you don't have to be smart or informed or hardly breathing...all you have to do is disagree with them and you will be right.

Every time.

Always.

It's honestly a little creepy. How can an entire SCIENCE! based belief system possibly be wrong every single time? What are the odds? As the old joke goes, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

I guess these jokers are the equivalent of a broken digital clock. And the lights are off.

Oh...and it's getting colder....


HAHAHAHAHA!


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

A Horseman's Guide.



Someone is watching you.

Coming to a neighborhood near you. Only it won't be a joke.




All funned out.

I find myself in the curious position of feeling apologetic that I haven't been blogging, yet deeply embarrassed by my apparent belief that anyone cares enough that I should actually need to apologize.

"Sooooo sorry I haven't been around, everybody."

"Really? We hadn't noticed."

HAHAHAHA!

It is to laugh.

Honestly, life in my neck of the woods has gone just a little nuts and trying to stay abreast of how insane the rest of the world is going at the same time has proven overwhelming. Let's do a little rundown, shall we?

Benghazi...meh...a sideshow, really. "Just a bump in the road." Dead people always are.  And really, at this point, what does it matter? It happened a long time ago. Just a big "whatever."  Or more like, "Huh?...Ben who?"


The press is doing its job.


IRS scandal...the "Enemies List" turns out to BE the enemy...you know...those bare-footed, overall-wearing, slack-jawed swirly-eyed, conspiracy-loving conservatives. So...no problem. Move along...

AP scandal...Okay...what?...wait - just - a - minute...

Republican are pussies...if there is any wrongdoing...could be...maybe...might...Judge Jeanine Pirro is tired of all of them.



Noam Chomsky thinks Obama's a tyrant. I am in an alternate universe, aren't I?

I'm just waiting for the streams to cross and end everything as we know it to cease to exist.




Even Jon Stewart is beginning to understand just what this country is up against.


The Daily Show with Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Barack Trek: Into Darkness
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesIndecision Political HumorThe Daily Show on Facebook


But it's still really funny, see? So let's all laugh with supreme self-satisfaction at how smart we are even as we are forced to admit that maybe...just possibly...those idiot mouth-breathers ACTUALLY got one right. Okay...now that we've had our little laugh, what did Bush do?

In the meantime, I've got my hat....





If this keeps up we'll be hearing that David Brooks has finally come to realize that the crease in President Precious' pants just isn't what it used to be or Paul Krugman will finally admit that there really IS a point where government can spend too much money. Okay...I know that last one will never happen. I was just throwing that out there. A little joke.

Honestly, the world is making me giggly, and a little silly. The best reason of all for why so many things are going so incredibly badly for Obama and his oh-so-smart administration is David Axelrod's. Apparently the government is too big for anyone to run without massive stupidity fucking things up everywhere. No kidding.


"The government is so vast."

This really did make me laugh out loud. Not with the soul-satisfying, regenerating, therapeutic laugh of real happiness or relief, but with the crazy, cackling bursting laughter of someone who just realized that the scaffold being built for their own execution isn't going to be strong enough to hold their weight.

But not to worry. The guards will have guns. They'll get the job done one way or another. Fun times.

The extra special giggle, though, comes when you remember that the agency Axelrod complains is simply too big for anyone to be able to know what they're doing or how well or even how LEGALLY they're doing it is going to get 16,000 more employees to administer your healthcare coverage.

Did I say fun times? I meant end times.

LET THE END TIMES ROLL!


HAPPY MOTER'S DAY

Yes, I know I'm late with Mother's Day. Yes, I realize it's Wednesday. But you have no idea of what my week life has been like lately. While it is in no way incumbent upon you to care, having my hair on fire while the DEFCON ONE alarm is constantly sounding, with teenagers only a couple of weeks from school letting out while temperatures soar into the 90's (which means school is effectively OUT), with every pet, person or pony I own or know deciding NOW would be a good time to have a complete physical/mental and/or emotional breakdown, I've been a trifle busy. Not that I'm complaining or anything.

My daughter made me this plate.
So in belated remembrance of Mother's Day (hell, every day should be Mother's Day), let me say now to all mothers everywhere -

HAPPY MOTER'S DAY.



This plate has become "THE PLATE" in our home. Every Mother's Day, I am served on this plate. And we remember the Mother's Day card my son made me as a child in pre-school. The teacher asked the children questions and wrote down their answers. One question was, "What does your mother do all day?"

My son's answer? "Clean house and ride her horse."

The teacher pressed for more. "Surely she does more than that."

"Nope," my son reassured her matter-of-factly. "That's it."

I'm a very interesting person.


That plate and card are my forgotten, broken coffee mug.

And if any of you guys out there think that Mother's Day isn't worth a coffee mug and would rather spend your money on trading cards and beef-flavored bubble gum, here's a little peek into what it takes to become a mother.

Enjoy.




Friday, May 3, 2013

Spring Skiing

Sunshine, snow, and now a Chardonnay. This is why I put up with Jerry Brown and Co.