Friday, August 31, 2012

"Idiots...it's for you."



From noted Top Notch Commenter, RG. Thanks, man. You're awesome.



What do you want to know?



I'm happy to set you straight.

I'm more of a chess fan, myself.





Make My Day

Go ahead.

I would have bet my last dollar that the kind and gentle liberal media would be lunging for Mr. Eastwood's throat this morning, but no one would take that bet. It was a sucker bet.


Clint Eastwood's empty chair at RNC creates buzz


From the article we read:
Steve Schmidt, who ran John McCain's campaign, said last night it was a mistake for Mitt Romney's campaign to put Eastwood on the stage. "It was unfortunate he was out there," Schmidt said on MSNBC. "He's an 82-year-old man. We should give him a break."
One wonders at the apparent inability of Mr. Schmidt to discern the irony of dismissing Mr. Eastwood because of his age.

The LA Times weighs in:
He then proceeded to play it close to the vest by conducting a mock interview with an invisible (not to mention uncharacteristically angry and profane) President Obama, a stunt that may go down in history as the strangest televised moment in convention history. Though Eastwood's message was simple — Obama has not done what he promised and so, as with any unsatisfactory employee, it was time to let him go — his delivery left many slack-jawed.
Uncharacteristically? Really? Have the reporters at the LA Times not been paying attention? When Obama's not looking to kick some ass, he's bringing a gun to a knife fight because he's just that cultured and self-contained.

And when Obamacare was upheld by the Supreme Court, Obama The Beloved and The Characteristically Polite tweeted this:

You keep using that acronym. I don't think it means
what you think it means. Or maybe it does.

And, of course, he was only scratching his cheek here because---RACIST!!


And don't even USE the word angry...do NOT even go there. That code has already been thoroughly explained by Toure.

And, in today's world of super fast instantaneous immediacy, Twitter was chirping like a crazed canary seconds after everyone "got the joke" about the empty chair. Eastwooding became the night's meme.






Even the dog got the joke.

The cat is not joking.


Of course, lefties did not manage to get the joke and are still scratching their heads, entirely unable to understand the nuance here.

Nuance this. "...we own this country."

Remember who you work for, bitch. Now get out of the goddamned chair.

Lethal Weapon 8 (inch)


Harvey, over at IMAO.US, posted a story about a woman who fended off an assault by hitting the attacker with a skillet. His concern, understandably, is that now liberals will be after ladies' pots and pans. 

With any luck there will be "kitchen-free" zones soon.

The comments are outstanding. Do. NOT. Miss. Them.


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What She Said

Rachel Lucas delivers the quintessential beat down to MSNBC and, actually, to the entire left. SLAM! Woman! I couldn't say it better myself, so why try?

Honestly, when all these stories detailing MSNBC's deceitful and misleading coverage were swirling around the internet this morning, I tried my best to come up with something, but the absurdity and blantant stupidity of it all kept bringing me to a point where I couldn't even make coherent sentences. I was just flailing away.

Thankfully Obamacare hasn't taken effect.
I went into surgery this morning. 
Also, this.

Celebrate Diversity. Back at'cha, kittens.



Tuesday, August 28, 2012

News That Isn't

Top Notch Commenter, RG, linked this article in a thread.


New Study Shows Smoking Pot Permanently Lowers IQ


Marijuana smokers have long been characterized as dimwitted and slow. They tend to shrug off these stereotypes as artifacts of how they are when they’re on the drug, not how they are as people. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of enduring a pot smoker who takes you through the “beneficial” effects of marijuana on the brain, then you’ve likely wondered if the stereotype is true. As it turns out, it is.

************

As it turns out I'm not surprised. Not even a smidgen. The study also indicated heavy pot smokers dismissed the idea of pot effecting their brain when they weren't stoned (which was seldom). This is also not surprising. When something makes you stupid-permanently-you're not likely to figure it out, now are you?

Basically this study confirmed that if you smoke pot heavily in your teen years, you will become Sean Penn. Sorry, dude, but there it is.

Here's another new study which won't surprise anyone. At least anyone who wears heels regularly and has a favorite OPI shade. And is not stoned out of their minds.

Every Man You Work With Thinks You Want To Sleep With Him

(Well, duh.)
A new study suggests that—no matter how platonic you imagine a relationship may be—every man you know but aren’t related to is trying to sleep with you. And what’s worse, they think you’re trying to sleep with them right back. 
Yes, really.

Really?

I am serious. I have to come up with a study to get all that lovely, lovely money in order to prove the most inane, obvious shit that everyone on the planet already knows.

I'm going to start a list of possible projects. How hard can it be?

Make up the list. Run the ideas by some pothead liberal who's none too bright and wants to sleep with me.

Slam dunk. Money in the bank.


The Difference is Night and Day

And for you guys without your dog whistles, that title is straight up CODE! for racism. No doubt about it.

******************

Headline from the Huffington Post in 2008 when Michelle Obama gave her speech for the Democratic National Convention. (It was televised.)

Michelle Obama's Democratic Convention Speech


Compare that with today's headline regarding Ann Romney's speech for the Republican National Convention.


I don't know about you, but I get the sneaking suspicion that there is a blatant attempt to insinuate that anything the Romney campaign does is simply manipulative and devious. I could be wrong. It's just a guess.

However, one thing I do know for sure. The Obama camp has the "stupid woman vote" down solid. Packaged and delivered. Vote with your vaginas, darlings. It's all you've got.

Screenshot of headline by super smart and noted author, Brittney Bullock.
Bullock? I'm not even going to make that joke.
Blantant?  Really? Even a quick GOOGLE search would have prompted her with a "Hey, stupid, did you mean....?"



But apparently Ms. Bullock maintains the same high standards of journalistic excellence that the rest of the MSM does. She must have used Urban Dictionary for all her spelling needs.

Yo.

I don't suppose Merriam-Webster holds any fascination for her.

Just for edification purposes. I know that's racist.

I give up. I really honestly do. The left is becoming a caricature of itself. It doesn't even feel sporting to laugh at them anymore.



Monday, August 27, 2012

Chris Matthews' tingle has become a full blown epileptic fit


"I have to call you on this Mr. Chairman."
 "Oooooh, Lord."


Chris Matthews foams at the mouth over Romney's very mild joke about his own birth certificate, and throws the race card on the grrroooound!

You're right. I guess it was funnier when Obama was the birther. And it wasn't racist either. (CODE)

OBAMA’S LIT AGENCY USED 'BORN IN KENYA' BIO UNTIL 2007

 According to archive.org, a website that caches websites on a regular basis, the Dystel.com website – the official website for Dystel & Goderich, Obama’s literary agents – was using the Barack Obama “born in Kenya” language until April 2007, just two months after then-Senator Obama declared his campaign for the presidency.
Archive.org shows that the Dystel website used the following biography for Obama as of April 3, 2007:

BARACK OBAMA is the junior Democratic senator from Illinois and was the dynamic keynote speaker at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. He was also the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review. He was born in Kenya to an American anthropologist and a Kenyan finance minister and was raised in Indonesia, Hawaii, and Chicago. His first book, DREAMS FROM MY FATHER: A STORY OF RACE AND INHERITANCE, has been a long time New York Times bestseller.

Obama launched his presidential campaign in February 2007.
But the funniest part is that in all their glorious outrage and high dudgeon, they don't know the difference between THEN and THAN.

But they are still waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay smarter, folks. Get used to it.


H/T: Rachel Lucas and Breitbart's Big Government

The Difference Between Men and Women

Clearly there is a substantial difference. Let's just celebrate that, shall we? Every kid needs a dad.




WAR ON WOMEN UNLEASHED ON GOP CONVENTION

We're screwed, it appears. 

Meanwhile.....


THIS: "Obama is losing"


Doug Ross has the whole story. Go read it. Then come back.



Somehow these two stories go together

Grizzly bear kills hiker in Alaska park

A LONE backpacker has been mauled to death by a grizzly bear in a US national park in Alaska after taking pictures of it from close range, the National Parks Service and reports say. 
The victim from San Diego, California, was photographing the animal from less than 45 metres away - contrary to guidelines advising staying away from bears - in Denali National Park on Friday when he was attacked.

And eaten.

And then we learn this.

Average bear could be pretty smart

Computer tests of solitary species reveal animals’ ability to learn concepts
American black bears that take computerized tests by pawing, nose-bumping or licking a touch screen may rival great apes when it comes to learning concepts.

Eat a hippie. Prove you're smart. It's like an IQ test for God's creatures.




Neil Young Still Old. Neil Armstrong Still Dead.

NBC is run by really, really, really smart people.  Fact checkers. Serious journalists. People we should absolutely take as the last word on the "truth." That's all I'm saying.

Crack journalists can't identify an American hero.
As you may have read, NBC News yesterday mistakenly reported, "Astronaut Neil Young, first man to walk on moon, dies at age 82." Of course, it was Neil Armstrong, not Young, who died. 
The mix-up may have come from an incident reported in a 2005 Washington Post article:
(The emcee, Rep. Tom) Feeney lauded (Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz) Aldrin as the second man to walk on the moon, following " Neil Young." Huh? Certainly he meant Neil Armstrong? 
You can see how they thought he was dead.
"We have an official position: I did not intend to say that it was Buzz Aldrin and Neil Young who were the first two men on the moon," Feeney told us yesterday. "Number two, we are printing a full retraction. And number three, it was David Crosby who I intended to say was one of the first men on the moon."




"Old man look at my life. I'm a lot like you were."

"Only I didn't walk on the moon. But I may have protested it at some point. I forget. I protested a lot of stuff. Important stuff."

Okay then.


Must have been one helluva party

17 Afghans beheaded in insurgent attack on party

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — Insurgents beheaded 17 civilians in a Taliban-controlled area of southern Afghanistan, apparently because they attended a dance party that flouted the extreme brand of Islam embraced by the militants, officials said Monday.
***************
The victims were part of a large group that had gathered late Sunday in Helmand province's Musa Qala district for a celebration involving music and dancing, said district government chief Neyamatullah Khan. He said the Taliban slaughtered them to show their disapproval of the event. 
All of the bodies were decapitated but it was not clear if they had been shot first, said provincial government spokesman Daoud Ahmadi.

Those wacky Islamists. They really know how to party. I'm guessing the victims weren't shot first. Where's the fun in that? That's like running over a dead dog.


Democrats Are Smarter Then Republicans

When Romney quipped that “No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place where both of us were born and raised” the Democrats collectively "squealed like pigs", immediately giving objective evidence to their complete lack of humor, especially the self-deprecating sort that shows they don't take themselves all THAT seriously. Democrats take themselves very, very seriously. They are saving the world. That's serious business. At. All. Times.

Apparently Saving The World is such serious, serious business that one can't afford the time to spell correctly.


You spell potato, I spell potatoe.

Poor Dan Quayle. If he'd only been a Democrat, he would have been the smartest guy in the room.



Questions of the Day

Now that Tropical Storm Issac looks as if it will spare Tampa and instead strike New Orleans, are we supposed to think God loves Republicans and hates black people? Or that He just hates Obama?

Or that He still hates Bush.

I get confused. I'm not as good at knowing what God thinks as the Democrats.


Apparently she never gets a headache

Nurse has 100 orgasms a day

A NURSE is plagued by a medical condition that gives her up to 100 orgasms A DAY. Kim Ramsey, 44, feels constantly aroused and the slightest movement can trigger a climax. 
Trains, driving and even housework start the reaction. But unlike women who yearn for the “Yes, yes!” experience, Kim just thinks “Oh no!”
Know what POPS out at me about this story? NURSE! I don't know about you, but I don't want my nurse shouting, "OH, baaaaaby!" when she's got a needle in her hand...or at ANY time, actually. Let's just hope she doesn't have to build up to la petite mort like Meg Ryan:


Watch what you're doing with that thing!


Honestly, ONE HUNDRED A DAY?? I'm sure any guy she's with would just get to the place where he'd be, "Whatever...you don't need me."

And he'd be right.

After worrying about what she would be doing with a needle in her hand, this was my next and most persistent thought:


Kill me now.


Sunday, August 26, 2012

"It's just setting a bad example...and ummm...honestly it's depressing..."


The always hysterically funny Sheri Gilmour brings us the latest update on Hurricane Issac as the rapidly approaching End Of The World collides with the Republican Convention.

WHAT WILL...HAPPEN??? WHO......WILL........SURVIVE???

Only your weatherman can know for sure.

And he's not really ahead of the curve.




Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Squid, the iPod and the Democrat -UPDATED WITH HIGH PRAISE!

Once there was a Democrat who believed with all her heart that the world should be a nice place. She wanted to live in a world where no one ever did anything bad and therefore no one ever experienced anything bad. A world where everyone would love one another and, just in case they didn't, a world where the government would be wise enough and kind enough and good enough and strong enough to make them love each other.

But because governments must inevitably be run by people, people who are likely to be as unwise and unkind and just plain icky as everyone else, people who are just as susceptible to greed and self-interest and corruption as those who elected them to thwart the greed and self-interest and corruption of those others who so desperately needed thwarting, it was decreed that all people elected to government would be instantly endowed with magical qualities of self-restraint, altruism, and moral imperturbability.

But the magic spell only worked on Democrats.

Everyone knew this. Everyone who was kind and decent and good and only wanted to love each other were Democrats.


It didn't work on Republicans.
They just made fun of everything. And they liked guns.

No matter how nice the Democrats were, no matter how tolerant or loving or generous, the Republicans were always angry, always trying to start a fight.



The Democrats did everything they could to get along with the Republicans, like burning the flag and marching in protests and sometimes breaking things, but only those things which belonged to nasty Republicans because then it wasn't unkind, it was instructive. Occasionally someone got carried away and tried to kill Republicans, but all the good Democrats insisted that they would not have done that if the Republicans weren't always so darned mean. And just to prove how mean the Republicans were, Republicans insisted that attempted murder was inexcusable and actually expected Democrats to get mad at the poor soul who just was trying to make a point.

But the Democrats never would because they knew that their higher moral ideals demanded understanding and sympathy for all those who struggled under the oppression of Republican bigotry. Getting angry at someone for trying to kill Republicans was narrow-minded and reactionary. However, the obvious over-reaction and anger from the Republicans at being murdered forced all good Democrats to be constantly aware of the inherent danger in the Republican viewpoint. A danger that could someday drive them to be violent. (Remember, they liked guns.)

So the good and kind and wise government put many, many Republicans on terrorist lists, just to be safe, not to be mean or anything.

So the world got nicer and nicer as the government got bigger and bigger and took care of more and more of the people, until one day the government said, "Hey, we're big enough now to give you LIFE! Or well....sort of."

And the good people, the Democrats, raised their arms and praised the heavens, knowing that their government was truly good, but the "sort of" part worried them a little. "What does that mean?" they asked.

"Well, it doesn't mean LIFE, exactly, it means more like we get to decide whether you live or die. And when."

"Oh," said the people, for this was a little less attractive than the whole giving LIFE idea.

"But don't worry!" the government assured them. "It won't cost you anything! And besides, the Republicans really WANT to kill you. In fact, if you've ever lost a job, it's because Republicans want you dead. We will only kill you if we have to."

"Yeah!" yelled all the Democrats. Because free is always good. And Republicans are always bad.


Then the nasty, mean, stingy, selfish stupid Republicans started asking questions and having "problems" with the idea of free stuff for everyone because they wanted people to die.

"How will we pay for this?" was the first stupid question and the Democrats knew they were just being selfish...and stupid....and selfish. And they were using math, which proved they had no hearts.

"The government will do it," they said over and over until they were blue in the face, but the Republicans never seemed to understand. The Republicans kept replying that the government was "us" and "we couldn't afford it" and stupid stuff like that.

Then the Republicans asked, "What if some of the choices you want to make regarding your health and this whole life and death thing are choices that I don't approve of? What then? Why should I be made to pay for what goes against my conscience?"

Then the good, kind Democrats knew that the Republicans were simply trying to be mean, mean, mean because everyone knows Republicans don't even HAVE a conscience.

"You just want to enslave women! This is a WAR ON WOMEN!!" the Democrats cried.

And the good, kind young Democrat girl heard the charges that the mean Republicans wanted to enslave her, to stop the government from helping her throughout her life with pretty much everything, and that they planned to throw her off a cliff when she became old, and she knew she would never vote for a Republican. She watched a slide show about another good, kind young Democrat named Julia, and she learned how wonderful and magical the world could be if only the Republicans would stop talking about conscience and money and stuff.

But if there was one place where the good, kind young Democrat believed that all decent people should agree, it was on the position of valuing life. Surely we could all find common ground on caring for others? she thought. Of course that didn't extend to a baby, let's just be clear on that. Everyone knew that denying women the right to decide with no restrictions at all when and why they would choose NOT to have a child, even if that choice was a trifle post-dated, was the same as enslavement and worse than the Taliban.

I am a baby. Aren't I a human being?
"Stay out of my body!" the young woman shouted righteously. "I have the right to do anything I wish. It's just a bunch of cells anyway!"

"So are you," replied the Republicans. "You're 'just a bunch of cells,' if you want to make that argument."

"You Republicans are religious nuts! You're anti-science! I'm not just a bunch of cells. I'm conscious. Awareness is the only marker of life's value!"

"And what is awareness? When does it begin? How do we measure it?" asked the mean, nasty Republicans. "Did you know squid like music? That they are 'aware' of it?"

"Shut up. I'm not a squid."

"No. We think they're nicer. And probably smarter."



Of course, Spongebob Squarepants was dancing with jelly fish years ago. He was a ground breaking scientist. And you thought I watched it because of the pictures and funny voices.



THE END (sort of...between Democrats and Republicans there's always more...)

I'v been linked at IMAO.US! Thanks, Harvey. You're a love.


Unintended Consequences




You could use this commercial to teach kids the difference between liberals and conservatives. A liberal thought up the feel-good swear jar with its puny little punishment. A conservative thought up the big pay off.

Conservatives win.

Awesome.

Saturday Morning Cooking Show

First up:  how to separate egg yolks if you're squeamish and kind of anal retentive and like screwing around with suction and plastic bottles. You know who you are. You were the kid that stuck the water bottle on your chin until it left a black bruise like a hickey.

Admit it.




Here is how you separate egg yolks if you're gorgeous and sexy and can really cook. Trust me.


Sorry about the stupid subtitles.


This recipe for Chocolate Cloud Cake is absolutely sinful, but I've always thought it should be named Chocolate Truffle Cake because the final result is a dense, soft intensely chocolate torte that has the texture of a gloriously rich truffle. I have been making this cake for years and there isn't a person on the planet that doesn't swoon and ask for the recipe. As a Brit, Nigella uses grams and centigrade and shit, like she thinks the rest of us just effortlessly cook that way. Sure.

Here is the recipe converted for Stupid 'Mericans, like you.



CHOCOLATE CLOUD CAKE

9 oz dark chocolate
9 TBSP butter
6 eggs
¾ cup sugar
Cointreau, Jack Daniels, Rum, Kahlua, whatever
Orange zest from one orange (Entirely optional. I normally use Jack Daniels and then just a bit of vanilla. If using Grand Marnier or Cointreau, the additional orange is lovely.)


Preheat oven to 350 F. Line bottom of springform pan with parchment paper.

Melt chocolate with butter. Let cool.

Separate four eggs, reserving yolks. Whip egg whites with ¼ cup sugar until stiff peaks form and whites are glossy.

In separate bowl, add remaining whole eggs to the four reserved yolks and beat in ½ cup sugar. Stir in liquor of choice (or vanilla, if desired). Stir in orange zest, if desired. Stir in cooled chocolate mixture. Fold in whites.

Pour into prepared springform pan. Bake for 35 – 40 minutes. Served chilled with sweetened whipped cream flavored with vanilla or liquor used in cake.



Educating Biden


Is it just me? Or does anyone else see an eerie similarity between Bob and our very own special needs VP, Saint Joseph the Traveler.


If Biden ever shows up with a toilet seat around his neck, you will all slap your foreheads in a why-didn't-I-see-that-before kind of moment.

Mark my words.


Friday, August 24, 2012

Snake Is A Five Letter Word

So is cobra. But biting one to death is still stupid.

Farmer bites cobra to death in Nepal

A Nepali farmer who was bitten by a cobra in his rice paddy field has killed the snake by repeatedly biting it in return.

"A snake charmer told me that if a snake bites you, bite it until it is dead and nothing will happen to you," Mohammed Salmodin told the BBC. 
He has now been discharged from hospital where he was being treated for the snake bite.
*******
"When I realised that a snake had bit me, I went home to get a torch and saw that it was a cobra. So I bit it to death," he told BBC Nepali's Bikram Niraula in Biratnagar. 
After he bit the snake to death, Mr Salmodin said that he went about his daily business as if nothing had happened. He says he finally agreed to go to hospital after pressure from family, neighbours and police.
*******
However, guidelines issued by the UK's National Health Service say: 
  • Remain calm
  • Try to remember the snake's shape, size and colour
  • Keep the bitten part of your body as still as possible to prevent the venom spreading
  • Remove any jewellery or watches from the bitten limb as it may swell
  • Do not attempt to remove any clothing, such as trousers
  • Seek immediate medical attention

I think the NHS should update its list to include:

  • Bite it back until it is dead.
  • Go on about your business.

I'm sure advice like this could help the NHS cut costs enormously. If Obamacare starts issuing guidelines like this, we will know we have finally reached the zenith in multi-cultural acceptance and, in doing so, have expunged our white oppressor heritage that xenophobically insisted on science being the objective standard by which we sought to understand the world around us.

Unless, of course, PETA has a strong lobby.

Just One Question


Can anyone tell me of one friend of President Obama's who is a really nice, normal person?

Just one.

I'll wait.

P.S. It's okay to throw in relatives, too. But then you're going to say George Obama, who really does seem like a decent chap, but I don't think he counts because Barack The Divine One, Savior and Protector of Us All doesn't like him much.

In fact, I don't think he likes George at all.


H/T: Scratching To Escape

Late to the Party...

This story surfaced a few days ago but I've been busy and didn't post anything about it. Busy? Too busy for blogging? INCONCEIVABLE!

Our Dear Beloved Leader, Smartest President Ever, Bestower of Roads and Bridges That We Didn't Build, Healer of Our Souls and Receder of the Waters, hasn't quite figured out how to spell one of the 57 states. But doesn't he have a cute smile?

Sweetheart, you get the award just for showing up.

For my money this is proof positive that this president is un-American. (Code) That he's not like us. (Code) That he is different. (Code) That he never watched Bugs Bunny as a kid. (CODE!)


Every single kid in America learned how to spell O-HI-O.

Ask him how to spell M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-P-P-I.

Code.


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I'll Get Fat and You'll Get Drunk As We Go Our Separate Ways


Men tend to drink more when they get divorced, while women tend to eat more.

Duh.

Of course they had to do a study, because a study has never been done before so they didn't actually KNOW this. Let me go out on a limb and say it wasn't done before because everyone knew this.

But what about later in life and when marriages end, especially due to divorce? That's where the new study comes in. 
Reczek and colleagues examined the results of U.S. surveys conducted in 1993 and 2004. They looked at just over 5,300 people (who were aged 53 and 54 in 1993) and tracked them over time. In addition, they interviewed 130 people directly.
***************
"We find that unmarried and divorced women actually drink less than their continuously married counterparts," she said. "For men, those who were recently divorced have the highest number of drinks and men who are married have the lower number." 
For women, the average number of drinks per month was nine for those who were married and 6.5 for those who were divorced over that time; for men, the numbers were 19.2 and 21.5, respectively. For those who got divorced during that period, the average monthly number of drinks per month was 10 for women and 26 for men. 
What's going on? In some cases, women said their husbands introduced them to alcohol, Reczek said, so "they just drink more because their husbands drink more. Women talk about how when they get divorced, they lose the person encouraging them to drink." 
As for men, they tend to turn to alcohol to cope with stress as compared to women who turn to food or family members, she said. It's also possible that single men are more likely to hang out with their male friends who enjoy an intoxicating beverage, Reczek added.

We are the dumbest nation of experts in the history of the world. There was a time when we knew that the wisdom of our shared experiences meant something; now we don't know squat until an expert has done a study and tells us what is true.

I give up.

I feel a song coming on.....




Collectivism




Voting Strategy of the Erudite and Cultured Ladies of the Left

Kittens, it's time to come to grips with the painfully obvious fact that as conservatives you simply do not have what it takes to be considered sophisticated and intellectually proficient in Serious Matters. Particularly in Serious Matters of a Political Nature.

You simply are incapable of understanding the nuances and subtleties of liberal women who have spent all their time Caring. While you were studying engineering or math and actually competing equally with men, socially aware women were refining their sense of Outrage and Injustice in order to fully grasp the insidious evil of those who would insist that the equality we women have fought for since the suffrage movement should result in our actually behaving like adults. This must not stand.

I'm confused. It must have something to do with Kegel exercises.

We must not let them force us into the base conformity of nature and reality and adulthood. We must fight for our right to do whatever we wish with our bodies despite the consequences. This is true freedom. This is true justice.

And we must fight them with the kind of vulgar images and obscenity that lets them know they are dealing with real women. Women who speak up. Women who speak out. Women with amazingly talented body parts and incredibly strong and limber pelvic regions. You conservatives undoubtedly feel that this tactic of being sensational is cheap and ineffective, diminishing our stature and reducing our position to one of hysteria and one-dimensional messaging. You would be wrong.

This is a War on Women and the only battleground that matters is your uterus. So spread your legs and raise your....voice. Prove how Complex and Politically Astute you are by voting for a Single Issue that actually diminishes your independence because nothing says "I'm a big girl now" like insisting that the government take care of you and all your sexual choices.


I can't believe my sex is so stupid. Ending it all seems so appealing.





FORWARD



H/T to TOP NOTCH Commenter, RG

Legitimate Rape...With a Vengeance

I wonder if Akin was referring to this sort of legitimate rape when he said that women's bodies could shut the whole thing down.

Probably not.


Vengeance is mine! saith...oh Good LORD!


You could make a pretty good case that this wasn't "rape" rape. I mean, she bought him jeans and everything. 



Looking to Kick Some A**

In the new book by Glenn Thrush, "Obama's Last Stand", Our Beloved Leader threatened Marco Rubio when it looked as if Rubio might be the VP pick for Romney.

“Tell your boy to watch it,” Obama said, according to Thrush. “He might get his ass kicked.”

Scary....heh...wait a minute...he sounds just like an angry black man. The kind we've been taught to fear. Code.

HAHA! Fear? I don't bloody think so.


Mr. Tough Talker being a bad-ass biker dude. I wouldn't tangle with him either.



Monday, August 20, 2012

More Code


Road to Ruin. (Scary angry black man.) Road to Recovery. (Evil white oppressor) Code.
BIG H/T: IMAO.US


"Hit the Road, Jack"

Or Barack...as the case may be.

Newsweek, famous of late for its outrageously left-leaning cover stories, has come up with a stunner. And I do mean STUNNER!  This is how I felt when I saw it.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa---ahhhh! I was completely faked out.
Here it is:
Srsly?
I know, right?

Niall Ferguson makes a compelling case for why we need a new president in an article filled with facts. This obviously and instantly makes him stupid...and evil.  Oh, and racist. Remember, kittens, I know how to break the code.

Mr. Ferguson points out numerous instances relating to the economy, the war, the budget, where Obama has either not lived up to his promises or he has actually broken them. How much slack are we going to give this president? Oh, now THAT is code, too. I used the word "slack". And "president." Totally code.

Even Our Dear Leader his own self agreed he needed to get kicked to the curb.


Racist.

But the evil, hate-filled, ignorant racist Mr. Ferguson goes even further. He doesn't just point out the huge discrepancies between what Obama promised and what he delivered, Mr. Ferguson actually goes so far as to insist that the Romney/Ryan ticket is the obvious path to prosperity for this country. Speaking of Ryan, Ferguson says:

He is one of only a handful of politicians in Washington who is truly sincere about addressing this country’s fiscal crisis....But one thing is clear. Ryan psychs Obama out. This has been apparent ever since the White House went on the offensive against Ryan in the spring of last year. And the reason he psychs him out is that, unlike Obama, Ryan has a plan—as opposed to a narrative—for this country. [...]

The voters now face a stark choice. They can let Barack Obama’s rambling, solipsistic narrative continue until they find themselves living in some American version of Europe, with low growth, high unemployment, even higher debt—and real geopolitical decline.

Or they can opt for real change: the kind of change that will end four years of economic underperformance, stop the terrifying accumulation of debt, and reestablish a secure fiscal foundation for American national security.

For clarity, I have bolded all the code words so you can see the racism inherent in the story.

I feel a song coming on........


Who knew Ray Charles was a racist?


Michelle Obama "Niggerizes" Her Own Constituents


First Lady: ‘Bring ... That Little Lazy Friend’ to Campaign for Obama


(CNSNews.com) – Speaking at the University of Sciences in Philadelphia on Thursday, First Lady Michelle Obama encouraged attendees to recruit their "little lazy friend" to campaign for President Barack Obama’s reelection.
****** 
 “So if you’re making calls, knocking on doors, bring that friend, that little lazy friend, bring them,” Mrs. Obama said. "Bring them.

Little lazy friend. You don't get much more obvious than that. Unless you're Romney and you use the word ANGRY twice. Well, I broke the code immediately when I heard her say that in a recent speech. LAZY. That is totally code for black. Just like angry was code in Romney's speech. Toure let us all in on the coding system and how subtle and insidious it could be.

Co-host TourĂ© saw what he believes to be explicit racial connotations beneath what Romney was saying, calling it the “niggerization” of the campaign.
“That really bothered me,” he said. “You notice he said anger twice. He’s really trying to use racial coding and access some really deep stereotypes about the angry black man. This is part of the playbook against Obama, the ‘otherization,’ he’s not like us.”
“I know it’s a heavy thing, I don’t say it lightly, but this is ‘niggerization,’” TourĂ© said to the apparent shock of his co-panelists. “You are not one of us, you are like the scary black man who we’ve been trained to fear.”

If we would all just pay more attention to the words politicians used, we would understand how easy it is to infer racism through the careful use of "code words." Since Toure's insightful analysis and commentary of Romney using the code word ANGRY twice (which was undoubtedly because he was speaking to Republicans and we are stoopid), I have been paying a LOT more attention and these code words are being used everywhere, kittens.

Joe Biden used "y'all." Totally code.
Obama is always using "folks". Code.
Elizabeth Warren said she was Indian because her ancestor had "ridiculously high cheekbones." Are you kidding me? Code.
Al Sharpton famously said this:


That's got to be entirely in code because it's almost unintelligible.


Be on the lookout. These words are everywhere. And they totally mean more than you might think.

Code.


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UPDATED FOR LINK AWARD! Joan of Argghh! linked me! She is one smart cookie, but if I say that now I'll just look conceited. So I'll say it later.







She is one smart cookie.




Don't Make Me Use This


But with the duct tape, I can have the silence.

Sweet.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Clearly

Hey, I watched "The King's Speech"

I'm Buying A New Car

Earlier today I had to drive my daughter up to town and back. So simple. Utterly straightforward. Wholly without drama or complications.

Except for the drama and the complications.

Before I go any further, in the interests of total disclosure, let me say that I am an aggressive driver. This does NOT mean I am a rude or unsafe driver. It means that driving is a sport, kittens. There are winners and losers. There is a scorecard. I'm keeping it.

And 90% of you? Losers.

Honestly, I do not know how most people make it through the day and survive. God truly does take care of children and fools, and stupid, retarded, inconsiderate, or just blissfully unaware drivers. In fact, I might have become an atheist if I had never learned to drive. But negotiating only seven miles on a highway among complete idjits, all of whom SURVIVE, can not fail to convince me that there is a God in heaven and He is merciful and plenty busy saving all these stupid people. No wonder the world is going to shit. God really does have His hands full.

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Parked at the stop sign, I waited to turn left. The speed limit is 45mph, so it is important to determine that an oncoming driver is really going to turn before pulling out. I don't trust turn signals because I don't trust stupid people. I always wait until they have begun to clearly slow down and/or have pulled over slightly onto the shoulder of the road to indicate they are actually going to turn. Today as I sat at the stop sign looking left, a car approached. Several blocks away the turn signal began its friendly little blink-blink and the driver noticeably slowed down. To be even more helpful, the driver of this car pulled off onto the shoulder of the road. There was every indication that this driver was going to turn. This driver was clearly going to turn. You could safely bet money that this driver was going to turn. If you were unemployed and that $10.00 in your wallet was all you had to buy the baby milk, you would bet this driver was going to turn.

You would be wrong. And broke.

As the car approached, slowing....slowing....slowing down.....its turn signal blinking its cheery little orange light, the driver just kept passing one intersection after another without turning. She was simply driving very slowly along on the shoulder of the road, turn signal blinking. As I watched the car pass the last intersection before mine, I almost --- ALMOST --- pulled out because my intersection is the last one for nearly a mile into town. Having driven sloooooowly by three intersections, if she wasn't turning onto my road, she wasn't turning at all. For a moment, the utter stupidity of this driving behavior confused me and, like I said, I almost pulled out.

But I looked into the driver's seat as the car approached and recognized the driver. My foot froze in mid-air above the accelerator. The driver was a woman I'd met through the kids' school. I knew instantly that she was going to drive right by --  because she is just that stupid -- turn signal futilely blinking its intent to turn somewhere....but not here....and not anywhere NEAR here.

And drive by she did. Hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes glued to the road, she moved past me and down the street with all the speed and awful determination of a deadly glacier.

I swear my daughter and I sat in our car and laughed for 15 minutes before I could manage to pull it together enough to drive safely.

But stupid never takes a holiday.

Returning from town, there is a section of freeway where an on ramp is within yards -- and I do mean YARDS -- of an off ramp. Some really bright government appointee thought that was a spectacular idea, no doubt. Fully 100% of local drivers do not. Today, as I was approaching this section, I did as I always do -- pulled over into the passing lane to open the merge lane to cars desperately trying to either get on or off in 300 feet at 60 mph. Fun. Fun. Fun.



But the odds are not with you that this will happen smoothly when you factor in that 90% figure of god damned stupid drivers. So today there was a woman driving along in the merge lane who showed absolutely no cognitive ability as she sailed along through this particular driver's test. A car was trying to merge onto the freeway, but was unable to do so by sliding in easily behind her because another car had moved over into that lane to disembark at the exit. I was out of everyone's way in the passing lane, deliberately leaving an opening in front of me so that Retard Rita could just pull over and let in the poor guy struggling to merge without tangling bumpers with the guy trying to get off the freeway. Rita had no freaking clue. The guy trying to merge also had no room to blast in front of her because he was rapidly running out of road. So he decided that forceful friendliness was his only option. He simply moved up right next to her and hung there, hoping that she would figure it out and move over. Nada.

Finally, in a rather impressive last minute maneuver, the poor man slammed on his brakes as he ran completely out of road and swerved in behind her, the exiting driver having already made his escape leaving room behind Retard Rita. I am convinced she was never aware of a single moment of the agony she had caused.

Her bumper sticker said: PEACE IS POSSIBLE.

Not with stupid people like you in the world, Rita darling. Because I could easily have been driven to violence if I were that poor man now behind you.

And because the odds are good that it will be me next time, I'm buying a new car.

I should have the highways cleared very soon.